


Tower of Suns

by EidolonLathi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort/Angst, Dissociative Identity Disorder, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:29:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 55,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EidolonLathi/pseuds/EidolonLathi
Summary: Being buried alive since what feels like aeons, Hidan has given up all hope to see the light of day again. With Zetsu arriving to free him from his underground confinement, the worst seems to be over. But when the weight of memories threatens to overwhelm a mind, a changed reality proves difficult to face.
Relationships: Hidan/Zetsu (Naruto)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 46





	1. Answered Prayers: Ghost Run

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in an alternative timeline where the manga’s war arc never happened nor the implications this arc put on several characters’ developments. Among other things meaning that for the sake of this fic I’m getting all of my old head canons surrounding Zetsu out and ready, intending to make good use of them.   
> This being said… please enjoy!

“That's news to me.”

Zetsu turned his head, looking towards the voice that hadn't made an effort to hide its dismissal. His cynical side took control before talking: “Excuse me?”

Tobi came a step closer, gesturing at the ragged figure Zetsu was carrying on his back. “You taking food back home that has reached such an advanced stage of rot. I always assumed you preferred in a state a bit fresher.” The mocking tone in his voice had been only weakly concealed. Now that Tobi had gotten what he had wanted and had become part of the organisation, he apparently no longer found it necessary to keep up a façade of politeness towards Zetsu. A change in behaviour that had answered one or two questions.

Zetsu held the gaze from the single eye staring at him from behind the mask. “He's not food. And he's not dead either.”

The last sentence had managed to catch Tobi by surprise. Not able to suppress the bafflement in his demeanour fully, he took a better look at the torn figure carried on Zetsu's back, the wonder not voiced out but apparent how a person in such a bad shape could still be alive.

Zetsu waited a moment longer, giving recognition a chance to set in. Only when it refused to arrive in Tobi’s expression did he continue to talk. “I went to get Hidan out. I finally figured out a solution, how to find a way around the seal set on that part of the forest.”

“He's still been alive?!”

“I assume that's what immortality would do to you.”

“He's rotting! That's rotten flesh right over there!”

Zetsu's demeanour stayed unimpressed. When it came to rot and gore, he has seen much worse. This aside, he had managed to overcome that annoying seal that had put a limitation on his ability to shift through objects and frankly, the thing bothering him the most at the moment was that Hidan seemed to grow heavier with every passing second Tobi continued to hold Zetsu up. “He's also been torn apart to pieces, but I managed to fix that. We assume the rest will recover as well.”

The door opened and the next moment Pain was stepping in. His approval of the situation in front of him was apparent, even before he started talking: “Zetsu! Your plan had been a success! Wonderful!”

The statement seemed to have put Tobi into a more collected state of mind again. He straightened his back, banning the puzzlement from his voice: “Hidan recovering sounds good.”

“It does”, Pain agreed. “Plus, we're short with people at the moment to begin with.” He looked at Zetsu, voice more collected now: “I trust you to take care of this in a smooth manner.”

Zetsu's cynical side held back a comment, forbidding his brighter side to do any more than nod in agreement. Of course he would take care of Hidan's injuries, now that he had managed getting him back; it wasn't Zetsu's habit to start things just to drop them on other people the moment they got inconvenient.

Apparently feeling content with this reaction Pain nodded in return, continuing his way, leaving the room again. Tobi followed. Zetsu looked after them, after their leader. And after the person called Tobi. If that even was his name to begin with; it wasn’t unusual for rouge ninja to take on another name once they had broken bonds with their former village. It was not like Zetsu knew much about his identity; he had seen the face of the person called Tobi only a few times: The youthful face of the man (almost still a boy) looked unremarkable, almost bland, the kind of face you forgot the very next moment after you had seen it. The only thing not being generic about it had been the man’s violet eyes. A violet so bright that it almost looked lavender, the lagging way the left eye tended to move the only indication it had been struck with blindness at some point, leaving the right eye only with the ability to see.

But that was not important; the only conclusion that felt worthy to learn from the entire Tobi situation was that Zetsu had been a fool letting his guard down this strongly towards another person: People only tended to give him attention if they wanted something from him, it was a proven pattern he should have gotten used to by now.

The last few months had held many surprises, not all of them pleasant.

The weight on his back stirred, taking the wheezing kind of breathes that indicated the respiratory track was in anything but ideal current conditions. Zetsu's brighter side started talking before his cynical side could stop him: “Don't worry, we get you somewhere more comfortable now!”

Hidan made a noise that might or might not have been a conscious sign of agreement.

* * *

The last few moments or minutes or whatever the timespan was since the light had reached Hidan again had been a torture. His mind was barely able to form coherent thoughts, realizing not much more than that he had spent an unfathomable amount of time in agony. Unbearable tightness, darkness and pain. And loneliness. Cold, cruel abandonment that seemed to go on for aeons.

All of this had went on for an eternity, his only thought whenever he had been in a state to grasp on to some scrap of consciousness had been to pray. Reduced to the helpless state his body had been in, his only hope had been to trust in Jashin-sama, to ask he would have mercy and stop this state of constant suffering. One way or another.

And then all of this had suddenly ended. A voice, light, air and space, things seeming so simple but had made such a strong difference. But the pain had still been there, making it impossible to properly think.

Hidan had tried listening to the voice, concentrating on what it had been saying. But he hadn’t been able to. His mind seemed so foggy, unable to hold a clear thought. The only thing he had been able to conclude had been that it had been a familiar voice, a voice promising incoming help.

Around Hidan there was still nothing but agony but it had started to gradually lessen. So had the pain. And the voice, the voice had stayed with him. Something in Hidan’s mind told him that as long as he stayed with the voice he had reason to hold hope again that there was still something left in this world to put his faith in.


	2. Arrival

Zetsu laid a freshly washed Hidan into bed, trying to concentrate on the clean smell of soap instead of the sharp scents sticking underneath. But trying to distract his hyperaware sense of smell wasn’t enough to mask that there were still currents of decay running underneath, those traces proof that something was still wrong on a fundamental level: It was the kind of scent you got from corpses, not from something that was still alive.

Zetsu felt a stare directed at himself, lethargic purple eyes fixing their attention on him. “Where’s Kakuzu?” It felt like the hundredth time this question had been directed at him since Hidan has been able to form words again.

It had been compassion that lead Zetsu’s softer side to avoid answering this question so far, giving vague answers in an attempt to distract instead. But now his more relentless side took over, pointing out that a harsh truth always was more preferable to a fluffy lie in the long run. “Kakuzu? He’s dead. The shinobi from Konoha who had been cornering you managed to get him. We went looking for him in case he had only been confined, but it already had been too late. I’m sorry.”

Hearing this the light in Hidan’s eyes turned completely dull. He stared into the distance, looking at some point located far behind the wall, beyond this building, maybe even far behind the horizon. For a moment Zetsu feared he had been too direct after all, his bluntness managing to cause a shock.

When Hidan started talking Zetsu had to pull himself together to not twitch together in surprise, the words had arrived this unexpected: “That’s what I was suspecting all this time, you know? He never would have left me behind in that shitty hole, never. We used to have our differences, but if he would have managed to escape these bastards, he would have come back for me.”

A sound from outside the window reached the room, the dull and constant noise of rain falling and growing gradually stronger in its intensity. It had been dry around the place the last few days but yesterday evening the rain had started and hadn’t stopped since.

A rustling noise disturbed the silence set in the room. Hidan had fixed his gaze on Zetsu, the expression in his eyes unfocused and nebulous. “Your kekkei genkai records things, right?”

“What?” The question had come so out of nowhere, and despite understanding the words Zetsu had no idea what Hidan actually wanted to tell him.

“Your eyes. They record things you see, when you want to. When you activate their recording function or however that kind of thing works.”

“Yes that’s… that’s what they are able to do.”

“Right.” Hidan nodded, as if he had waited for that confirmation. “You showed us recordings before. From areas tailed beasts were located in and shit.” His speech had started to sound so slurred that Zetsu had grown certain Hidan was talking in a state of being half-unconscious, not really realizing what he was saying.

Despite of this he didn’t know if making him stop talking would have been the best cause of action. Maybe better let him talk and then never mention again what he had spilled out in his hazed state. So Zetsu simply stayed still, ready to listen in case there was more to come.

Somehow sensing this silent acknowledgement, Hidan continued: “You must have some recording where Kakuzu is on, right? I mean, he and you both were here together, long before I joined. Listen, no matter what happens: Don’t ever show me those. No matter what, even if I tell you the opposite of what I’m saying now, don’t ever show me those. Okay? Okay?”

There was a part in Zetsu’s deepest core that was completely convinced getting involved with other people and investing emotions into them was nothing but sentimental nonsense. It was a believe that he had developed during time and was shared by all aspects of his mind. Despite of this he couldn’t help himself but feel a shred of pity. He held Hidan’s gaze, slowly nodding in agreement. “Won’t ever show you those. Okay.”

Hearing this Hidan lowered his gaze, a lost smile showing up on his face. “The most sensible heathen now.”

Zetsu didn’t ask him what he had meant with this.

* * *

The pain had lessened and in return Hidan’s ability to hold clearer thoughts again had returned. He could remember now. Could remember it all. The memory of what had happened the last time he had been with Kakuzu brought a new ache, one set in his soul instead of his body.

There was space around him right now, and right before there had been warm water, soap. There had been room to breathe since a while now. Food. The comfort of a bed.

All of this was enough for his body to stop concentrating on mere survival and slowly starting to heal again. Literally, he could feel it, his wounds starting to mend together, enough to lessen the pain a little, enough to feel more stable again.

Jashin-sama had let him survive this far, Hidan couldn’t allow for this effort to be in vain. He needed to recover. He needed to get better. He couldn’t just give up now (even though the idea felt somehow tempting).

Hidan’s mind had gotten clear enough to recognize what was going on around him now. He turned his head, looking up at Zetsu who was still next to him. He held Hidan’s gaze, the stable gleam behind his yellow eyes appearing like a sun in some far away and forlorn galaxy. Like a sun that held the memory of the darkness at bay that had Hidan engulfed for what had felt like aeons. At least for now. Darkness had its way to eventually find Hidan again, no matter what he tried to keep it away from him. But for now the light around him was bright enough to keep it away, even though the shadows of destructive elements desiring to gnaw on his mind seemed to loom right around the corner.

Hidan heard himself talk, but only a moment later he had forgotten what he had been saying. Nor could he remember the answer Zetsu had just given him. He only knew that he had been talking about something that was aching in his chest, the kind of pain that wasn’t caused by physical injuries but was set in the soul.

The darkness had ended but traces of it still lingered on, making it hard to breathe and think. But Jashin-sama would help him to keep the darkness at bay, Hidan could feel it. (The suns he had just encountered a moment ago would be a support as well, though Hidan couldn’t remember in what context he had seen those mesmerizing twin stars again.)


	3. Clearer Day

There had been a time a few months ago when Deidara had lost his arms and had needed Kakuzu’s help to sew them back on. The entire thing had indeed been a bit more complicated than it sounded, and with the attention of the remaining Akatsuki fixed on gathering together more tailed beasts, it had ended up being Zetsu’s duty to look after Deidara who had still been recovering. 

To be frank, he had been an exhausting patient. Short tempered, impatient and demanding, all while making no secret out of the fact he would have preferred a nurse who had not the habit to eat people he deemed inconvenient. Zetsu felt a bitter smile spread through his face by the memory. To be fair, Deidara’s temper had mellowed out the moment it had become apparent there would have been no long-term complications to this injury and he had been able to use his arms again. In the end he had even given off the impression that in hindsight he felt sorry for making things more complicated than necessary, though he never directly had voiced that one out. 

Taking this into account Zetsu had never held any of Deidara’s outburst during that time against him, almost to his own surprise. The thing was, he had been able to sympathize all too well how frustrating it must have felt to lose the functionality of both your arms and the abilities bound to them. 

Getting lost in thought by these memories Zetsu was still staring at the temperature of the thermometer. A few months after Deidara’s recovery had come to an end, he had ended up with a new patient and still couldn’t quite figure out how it had come that far again: Zetsu possessed no nurturing or caring aspects in his nature that would have made him especially fit for this task. If anything he resented being forced to spend too close a contact with another human being. And being confronted with illness always was so unbearably… physical. 

And yet. What were you supposed to do if a comrade ended up seriously ill? Let them suffer and die? And with how tense the recent developments around the organisation had become, it wasn’t exactly the time you could call in for an outside doctor. 

Not for the first time since the man had left their organisation, Zetsu seriously started to miss Orochimaru: He would have possessed the exact kind of competent knowledge the situation in question would have called for. 

“It’s 38.8° Celsius. So, it’s a bit high but nothing dangerous.”

Hearing this Hidan only nodded. “38.8. Okay. Nothing too high then”, he echoed, neither his voice nor face betraying any particular emotion. 

Zetsu withheld a sigh, not for the first time feeling at loss of how to deal with the lack of emotion Hidan was displaying since he had been back. Was that the kind of thing you were supposed to intervene in or the issue you better left be? He couldn’t say, he only knew that in hindsight Deidara’s unhidden moods during his recovery had been easier to deal with, after all, Yes, Deidara had been his patient a few months ago and now he was well again. Unlike the members they had lost recently: Kakuzu, Itachi. And before that, Sasori. At least with Hidan they had eventually managed to do something before it had been too late.

Eventually. That seal around that one part of the forest had been an especially annoying one. The kind of tight concealment you usually used for dungeons and stuff. Not that they ever managed to hold Zetsu back fully either. Eventually he found a way around them all.

“You’re smiling. Bitterly so.”

Hearing the comment Zetsu twitched together before he could force himself to remain quiet. Still not having processed the comment fully, he directed a questioning glance at Hidan.

“You were smiling”, Hidan repeated.

Zetsu felt an irritated streak flare up in him. First that disturbing apathy Hidan had been drenched into the last few days and now this. “I’m not allowed to smile then, or what?”, Zetsu said, unable to erase a sharp edge hovering around voice. 

“That’s not… You were just looking like there was something on your mind.”

There usually was. Now and during all of the times. Having something on his mind was more or less Zetsu’s constant state of being. In a not so abstract way, it might even have been the cause he had ended up the specific way he was. “I was just thinking.” Yes, he had been thinking about a lot of things and he didn’t feel like sharing any of it. Even though (or maybe because) he was still feeling that atypical pity for Hidan. 

Looking more confused than anything else by Zetsu’s answer Hidan just kept staring at him, absentmindedly brushing his fingers through his hair. It had been hopelessly matted in some parts when Zetsu had gotten him out and so he had needed to cut away those strands. Whatever the exact nature of Hidan’s immortality was, it apparently didn’t cause for his hair to grow back faster once it had been cut. No, his healing abilities seemed to be more functional, having replaced the flesh that had been rotting in parts with skin that now looked simply bruised. 

Hidan was still looking at him. “Were you worrying about anything I need to know about or something?”

The bluntness of the question managed to put Zetsu’s ponderings to a halt, making him spill out thoughts that had formed in his mind since some time now: “Nothing the like. I was just… You know. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out earlier, really. That seal on the forest, it took me an eternity to find a way around it, once I had managed to locate your chakra.”

Something raw and unrestricted flared up behind Hidan’s eyes, the kind of light his face would show before beginning to complain about heathens not respecting his prayer habits or the like. But when he started talking his voice sounded calm. Eerily so: “That spikey hared bastard told me there was no way to enter that shitty clan-related forest of his to begin with. He went on how the forest was protected in a way to keep any foreigners out.”

Hearing this Zetsu had to laugh, a sound lacking any joy, a laugh that came out louder than it had been intended to. “Oh, did he? Well, didn’t manage to hold me away for too long.”

To his surprise Hidan joined into his laughter, the flame behind his eyes now flaring up without any restriction. “I would have loved to see his face the moment he realized I was gone. Fucker’s going to be angry.”

“Oh?”

“He’s going to be. He is the kind of determined avenger of the serious kind, you see?!”

“The determined sort then!? Precious!” Zetsu tried keeping his increasing laughing fit under control, to no success. He felt at loss about this to begin with: Nothing about their conversation was especially funny, but for some reason every word coming out of Hidan’s mouth right now sounded so terribly hilarious. 

“Very determined! You see, the spikey haired fucker got mad because I killed his precious sensei!”

“His sensei? Can’t relate! Killed mine before I left Hidden Grass!” Zetsu had. And he already had mentioned that to Hidan. Once. Before… before the entire buried alive incident. 

“So did I! Sacrificed him to Jashin-sama before I left! The most useful that pile of shit has ever been!”, Hidan said in a voice that was still drenched in laughter, taking a deep breath and trying to get himself under control again. Shaking his head he continued in a calmer voice: “That asshole buried me alive because of his shitty sensei, can you believe that?”

Zetsu couldn’t. Hadn’t been able to when he still had been in the middle of attempting to break the seal cast upon that shitty Konoha forest nor could he now, with still being busy to set right the messy pile of human remains he had retrieved from that hole. 

Zetsu ate people on an almost weekly basis but he had never managed to understand finding joy in witnessing unneeded suffering. You didn’t play with food, you ate it. Those were basic table manners. And cannibals they all were, may it have been Zetsu’s direct way of devouring his enemies, Hidan’s way of sacrificing his prey to his God or the way of the shinobi in the hidden villages who killed for the glory and prosperity of their village and through that ensured their own personal wellbeing. All of this was the same: Eat or get eaten yourself. 

Now looking truly more composed again Hidan looked up at Zetsu. For the first time since his return a hint of curiosity was gleaming up on his face: “So, you managed to sneak around that seal after all? Was that pony tailed bastard so incompetent casting it or are you that good?”

Zetsu huffed. “Sadly he wasn’t incompetent at all; otherwise I would have gotten you out much sooner.”

“You are that good then?”

A very distant aspect in Zetsu’s mind that couldn’t help but feel happy when receiving the occasional scrap of positive acknowledgement made him talk before he could think about what he was about to say: “Good? Let’s say I’ve gotten practice.” The next instant Zetsu scolded himself inwardly. Bragging wasn’t his style but playing humble like that… it felt almost worse. He blamed his laughing fit from a few minutes ago for still letting him act impulsive. 

Hidan seemed to notice nothing of his inner struggles: “Is it connected to that ability of yours to shift through objects?”

“Directly so, yes”, Zetsu admitted, avoiding his gaze. That cursed ability of his to shift through spaces… in the end if had been one of the reasons he had not only felt forced to leave Hidden Grass but also had seen it necessary to kill his former sensei before doing so. 

Hidan still didn’t seem to notice any of these ongoing struggles next to him. But then, Zetsu was very good at hiding when there was something up with him to begin with. “I remember those lessons in the academy when they were trying to teach us breaking seals. Some in my class had a knack for it but most ended up just as clueless as I was in that matter”, Hidan went on, an oddly wistful smile showing up on his face. 

“Oh. Those. When I was at the academy, they made us practice those techniques as well. But when I move around seals these days, it’s nothing alike.”

Hearing this Hidan slightly sat up in bed, eyes burning with curiosity. He angled his head, looking practically conflicted, as if he wasn’t sure if asking any more questions about it would count as nosy. 

Zetsu felt an inner resistance crumble. Oh fuck it, it was only Hidan. And it was not as if people could use this kind of knowledge against him, even if they intended to try, so he just went on talking: “Look, it’s like this: When I shift through objects, it more or less feels as if I’m walking down some uneven path. Or some icy path. Depending on the object. Thing is, changing spaces is not all that different from just moving around normally.”

“I see. I think I can imagine”, Hidan said, nodding in agreement. He indeed looked like he was seeing. But then, there was no reason to feel surprised about this; if anything, it were the people dismissing Hidan as someone lacking intelligence due to his impulsive nature who were in the wrong. Zetsu had decided this since a while now. Just as it was a mistake to assume someone possessing great self-restriction and calmness was smart by default. 

“And concerning the seals…” Zetsu picked up the fever thermometer laying on the night stand, twisting and turning it around in his hands. How was he supposed to put this thing with the seals into words? The entire matter felt so natural in the meanwhile to begin with. “It’s like… to stay with that path analogy: If you’re walking on a road and there appears a rock on your way: You either walk over it or around it. And when it’s not a rock but, let’s say, a tree trunk that has fallen on the road: Well, then you might need to make a bigger detour to begin with. That’s how it feels when I have to shift through a place there’s a seal on.”

“Obstacle on the road, huh?” Hidan was still sitting up in bed, leaning slightly forward. His pale face looked slightly red, most likely due to the fever he was having. 

Beginning to feel self-conscious Zetsu stopped twisting and turning the thermometer in his hands around and put it back on top of the night stand. “Obstacle, yes. And eventually I always find a detour.”

“The obstacle standing in front of that shitty hole I was buried in took you some time.” There hadn’t been any accusation in Hidan’s voice, only the passionless stating of a fact. 

“The seal keeping me away from you was like an entire mountain standing in the middle of the road.”

“You needed to climb a mountain to get me out of that forest then. I see.”

“Climbing it? More like digging a tunnel underground.”

Hidan tilted his head, giving Zetsu a puzzled look.

“I mean, sticking to that obstacle comparison, digging a tunnel would be more accurate and… Ah, forget it! Yes, I had to climb a mountain to get you out, let’s say it like that, yes!”

Hearing this Hidan shook his head, showing a smile that looked almost embarrassed. “No, I think I get it either way. Sorry; I’m the one bothering you with nosy questions about your kekkei genkai to begin with.”

Now it was Zetsu’s turn to feel confused. “Kekkei genkai?”

“Isn’t that what it is? You once told me your eyes were just that and you can’t learn that shifting thing like that in the academy. In fact, I never met someone who can use a jutsu like this one, so…” Trailing off Hidan laid back down on the bed, looking like his fever was slowing him down. “So, I thought it was connected to that. Sorry.”

Oh. So that had been his trail of thought. Zetsu shook his head. “No. Isn’t one. Got it much later.”

“Got it? Not learned it?”

An irritated streak flared up in Zetsu’s chest, making him huff. Curious today, indeed. But despite this realisation he found that there was still the urge in him to continue talking. He couldn’t exactly say why. Maybe partially because it felt fitting to tell Hidan about these things, these things that in the end had been the cause Zetsu had managed to rescue him from that disgusting hole stinking of rot and decay. Maybe it partially was because the only other person Zetsu had trusted with these things had been Tobi, back in the day when Zetsu had still believed that the feeling of camaraderie had been mutual. 

Zetsu tasted bitter bile of his tongue, as he so often did when remembering… this. “Yes, got it. The moment I made this plant summon work. It’s complicated enough to call it to your side and make it function alongside you to begin with, in comparison the abilities it brings were not that much more difficult to learn.”

“Plant… summon?”

“This plant here is a summon. I summoned it. The ability to shift through spaces is connected to it”, Zetsu explained, stressing his point by opening the leaves of his plant slightly, ensuring Hidan had a better view on his face. Maybe it would prevent him from asking more nosy questions. That would have been ideal for the reason alone as Zetsu realized he was in the kind of odd mood that would have led him answering pretty much everything Hidan would have asked him in that slightly feverish state of his. And the feeling was familiar; it was the same kind of fatalistic mood that had grasped him the first time he had given in to his urge to eat part of some prey he had just managed to kill. 

Hidan just stared at him, his eyes getting glazed over by a glassy light. Zetsu had already started to assume that the fever had been enough to let Hidan fall into a haze, when he started talking after all: “Oh, that’s what you meant. This plant here, sure. I know it sounds weird, but I sometimes forget your plant is there to begin with, you know? It looks just like something that belongs naturally to you.”

“Nothing natural. Got it summoned.”

“Why would anyone get the idea to summon some fucking plant?”, Hidan sighed, no longer bothering to hide his confusion. At this point it had gotten pretty apparent it was the fever speaking out of him after all.

Lucky for him Zetsu still felt that directionless urge to keep talking, to keep talking until he no longer tasted the flavour of bile on his tongue when remembering these things. Or at least until the memory of the smell of death and decay mingling into the scent of moist earth no longer overwhelmed his senses. 

Disease of a fellow comrade always was so disgustingly physical, Zetsu had always been detesting it. 

“To get the ability to shift through objects. For example, so one can get comrades held underground back home. That’s why someone would summon a fucking plant.”

Realization reached Hidan’s eyes, enough to hold his feverish confusion at bay “Oh.”

“Also, it serves as a shield. It is practical.”

“Is that why you always have it with you? So you’re always under a shield?”

“Basically.”

Hidan held Zetsu’s gaze, eyebrows knitting together in irritation. “Don’t glare at me like that. How was I supposed to know?”

“How indeed? You should have gotten nosy earlier.”

“Ah! You totally wouldn’t have told me anything!”

“I wouldn’t have”, Zetsu simply confirmed. 

Hidan let hear a resigned sigh. “That’s all so complicated.”

“You only think so because of your fever. You should sleep a bit.”

To Zetsu’s relief Hidan instantly agreed, no longer asking any questions. And still, a part of him almost regretted no longer having the opportunity to answer them.


	4. Home Planet

The fever hadn’t disappeared the next day, but it hadn’t gotten worse either. At least on the surface. Aimlessly Hidan picked in his food, giving it an accusing glance devoid of any appetite: “I’m not really hungry, to tell you the truth.”

For some reason Zetsu had almost expected to hear a comment of that kind. The part of him trying to hold on to patience started talking: “It will help you recover. You need to eat.” Surely immortals were no big difference in that regard to regular humans. 

Hidan shrugged his shoulders, his entire demeanour displaying an apathy that seemed to be rooted deeper than in any fever. Even voicing out more words of protest seemed to be too much for the moment. 

Zetsu made a point keeping the tone of his voice light: “This meat isn’t human, if that’s what you were fearing.” The comment had only halfway been a joke. Zetsu ate human meat, preferably not raw if he could afford the time to prepare it, but he wasn’t participating in the habit to put it on the plate of unsuspecting comrades. Deceiving someone on that scale would have been rude. 

Hearing this Hidan shook his head, a small smile appearing on his face. “That’s not it. I’m just not hungry today.”

Zetsu felt a pragmatic aspect of him take over control, quickly and suddenly, giving him the impression he was standing beside his own body, not participating and only watching despite not being surprised by the words starting to leave his mouth: “You recovering quickly is something other people are looking forward to as well.”

Hidan’s smile widened, beginning to look wary: “Oh, you mean our leader? That piercing wearing heathen surely is not making any secret that he wants the remaining members to be able to support the organisation soon again.”

Zetsu still felt as if he was behaving fuelled on by some autopilot he had no direct control over: “No, I didn’t mean the leadership. Wouldn’t you be ready to pray to your God properly sooner if you’d feel better again?”

Hearing this Hidan’s body went tense, eyes widening in realization. 

Just the other day Hidan had complained that still bearing the strain of recovery made it difficult to follow his usual praying routine, how it forced him to stick to the most basic ritual for the time being. And that this probably wouldn’t change until he felt strong enough to leave the bed for a longer amount of time again. The part of Zetsu still in control of talking had remembered this and hadn’t hesitated to use that information. The parts of him feeling like they had little choice but to stand beside and silently listen while that other aspect was in control were beginning to feel just as puzzled as Hidan was looking right now. 

But this ruthless approach seemed to have been successful: Hidan tilted his head, giving the food standing on the tray on the bedside table a thoughtful look. 

Zetsu cleared his throat: “Just eat as much as you can stomach. If you’re still feeling like you lack appetite, then you don’t have to eat all of it.”

Nodding in agreement Hidan took the spoon, starting to eat. “I wasn’t making a show right now though, you know? I was feeling ill all night.”

“I know. Might be the fever still acting up.” Or the fact entire parts of his body were still infected and in the process of healing. Or the mental strain of being locked underground for months. Realistically looked at there was a sickly collection of potential reasons to pick from. 

Hidan shrugged his shoulders. “For Jashin-sama I have to try. He let me survive the… he let me survive. I don’t want his efforts towards me to be in vain!”

Zetsu folded his arms in front of his chest, feeling content. He ignored the parts in his mind beginning to feel hesitant. Screw hesitation, someone had to neutralize the fallout, wasn’t this the situation at hand? Misplaced sensibilities wouldn’t help in a case like this. 

Eating in silence Hidan gave the tray laying in his lap a thoughtful look. It didn’t came as a surprise when he started talking: “You know what? That fucking Konoha brat had an advantage because he knew that shitty forest and could prepare everything beforehand. But next time I see him he’ll be fucking dead and can join his shitty sensei in the afterlife.”

“You want to go after him?”

“Can I afford not to? That asshole started this obsession with revenge. The moment he realizes I got out of that shitty hole he’ll come looking for me again.”

Hearing this Zetsu hesitated. “Most likely.” It was true, if that Konoha brat had been motivated by revenge to begin with then there was no reason to assume he would stop this one-sided obsession.

“I’ll make sure he’s going to meet his sensei soon again”, Hidan said, tearing his gaze away from his plate and looking up at Zetsu, giving him a smile drenched so thoroughly in peace that the sight let a cold shiver run down Zetsu’s spine.

Not knowing what to say Zetsu just tried his best to return the smile directed at him.

But apparently this hadn’t been enough. Hidan huffed, expression in his eyes turning sceptical: “Don’t tell me you’re against revenge out of principle or some shit like that? Or is that another idea from our eager leader, to ignore everything but the efforts for the organisation as long as we’re this short staffed?”

“Nothing the like. And far from it, what made you think I have a problem with revenge?”

“Far from it? You’re still sneering at me!” Hidan’s voice had started to sound upset, almost hurt. 

“I’m not… I’m not sneering at you?”

“You totally are! I can almost hear it: ‘Hidan, no, revenge is the wrong way to go.’ That’s what you’re thinking right now. It’s obvious!”

Zetsu went tense, puzzled to be confronted by this sudden outburst. Hidan had used to be sensitive at times before, if he had assumed you were looking at his religion with disrespect or the like. But otherwise he hadn’t been that quick to feel offended either. Well, maybe that’s what staying locked away in a stinking earth hole for months did to you, robbing your trust towards the world and towards the people left who were supposed to be closest to you and yet hadn’t found a way to help you for months. 

Suddenly feeling exhausted Zetsu couldn’t help but let hear a sigh. “Wrong. I don’t know how you got the idea, but I don’t judge the wish for revenge.”

Hidan started looking conflicted, slightly appeased, almost as if against his will. As if clinging to his worst assumptions was giving him some piece of comfort he didn’t want to let go of. “Oh.”

“Indeed. In fact, I’m not someone to judge you for it. Just so you know.”

“So?” Hidan took another bite of his food, looking like he was thinking about what he had just been told. “Okay, but let me guess then: You killed someone out of revenge yourself, right before you left your village. Right?”

“Right. You even know who it was. That sensei of mine.” Trying to keep his voice even Zetsu folded his arms in front of his chest. “See? I’m in no position to judge you.”

“That sensei of yours!” Hidan’s eyes widened, the last bit of offense and suspicions having melted away from his voice by now. 

“That guy, yes.”

Hidan kept staring at him, making a very bad job to hide the matter left him curious. What a contrast to how he had looked mere moments ago. 

Zetsu couldn’t help but continue to ponder about that odd outburst Hidan had just shown. Now that the puzzlement about it had vanished, it seemed plausible hurt and accusations towards the world had finally manifested themselves into a concrete form. Those weren’t the kind of feelings you could bottle up forever, Zetsu knew only too well. Almost despite himself he had to remember that odd relieve he had felt the other day, when he had started to tell Hidan about the jutsu connected to his plant summon. “Want to hear about it?”

No longer bothering to hide his curiosity Hidan simply nodded, taking another bite of his food. 

Zetsu suppressed a sigh, suddenly not knowing how to continue. Thinking about an issue and putting it into words weren’t the same thing. At all. 

Hidan started to look thoughtful, chewing his food slowly: “Let me guess again: He judged you for summoning that plant of yours! Was he one of those stuck-up idiots trying to play it cosy with the village leadership by sticking to the rules, no matter what?”

The assumption was so off Zetsu couldn’t help but to start laughing. Sticking to the rules! No one in Hidden Grass had. Be it his former fellow teammates, his sensei with his lab buddies or the village leadership: They all had drawn inspiration from each other when it had come to shifting the blame to make it look like they had been righteous the entire time.

Hidan started to look puzzled. But when he started talking there was no offense in his voice. Only disappointment: “What? Was my guess this off?”

“I’m afraid so, yes.” Zetsu took a deep breath, trying to get himself under control again. “Listen. Summoning that plant hadn’t been my idea to begin with. My sensei and his lab buddies got the idea and needed someone to try it out on. So I volunteered.”

Hidan went quiet, realization spreading through his face. “Sounds like the entire thing had been their idea. Why didn’t they test it on themselves then?”

Alone the question made Zetsu feel cornered. “At the time volunteering seemed to be a good idea”, he finally said, fully knowing that had not been what Hidan’s question had been about. 

Judging from the serious light gleaming up behind Hidan’s eyes, he was fully aware of this as well. Avoiding Zetsu’s gaze he picked up the thermometer lying on the bedside table, checking the temperature it had measured the last time it had been used. “You’re going to laugh now. But you know, when my village was still fully dedicated to doing ninja work -before the leadership got obsessed with their shitty hot tubs- before that I sometimes signed up for missions like cleaning duty and stuff no one else wanted to do. You know the kind, dirty and a hassle but too demanding for mere genin.”

Now that had come as a surprise but not the kind that would have made Zetsu laugh. “Oh?”

“Someone had to do those garbage duties, right? And when I signed up for them I was out on missions instead of being stuck at home when not much else was to do. So I thought, why not?”

Zetsu nodded in understanding. Sometimes “Why not?” was reason enough indeed. 

Hidan huffed, shaking his head. “So, what happened next then? Your sensei saw the cool new jutsu you had gotten with that summon, got jealous and threw a tantrum?”

For a moment Zetsu paused, needing a moment to let those words sink in. Then he had to laugh after all, some aspect of this assumptions sounding so oddly plausible in its absurdity. “I doubt anyone got jealous of me.”

“I’m sure they were. Just didn’t let you know.”

“Maybe.” Zetsu sighed. “The actual problems came later.”

Laying the thermometer back on the nightstand Hidan looked at Zetsu, listening silently. 

“They got pissed when I started eating my targets.”

Hearing this Hidan only nodded, looking completely unimpressed Zetsu’s cannibalism had come up.

Beginning to feel defensive anyway Zetsu continued: “To be honest, I never really got what their deal with it was. I only killed the people I was ordered to target. And if they were to be killed anyway, then what’s the problem with eating some parts?”

The light in Hidan’s eyes grew intense: “Right, what’s the deal with it? It’s like when I do sacrifices for Jashin-sama: They’re all heathen scum who are supposed to die anyway! So who the fuck cares if I end them with a ritual instead of slitting their throats with a kunai or whatever?!”

“Like that, yes”, Zetsu agreed, absentmindedly brushing his hand through his hair. Not for the first time it occurred to him that his and Hidan’s choice to deal with their targets wore certain resemblances in significant ways. 

Hidan’s voice had grown bitter: “Stuck up fuckers. All of them.”

Zetsu was still feeling tense. The fact was, most people didn’t feel like eating the flesh of their kind. And neither did they like being confronted with someone who did exactly this. 

It came almost like a relief when Hidan (despite looking as if he was hesitant to impose further) continued being nosy: “You’ve never been much of a vegetarian, huh?”

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders: “The plant gains chakra when I eat some meat, directly. And human meat is suited best for this.”

Hearing this Hidan stayed silent, doing that thing where he tilted his head while starting to look hesitant instead of saying anything anymore.

“Shifting through object needs huge amounts of chakra. But if I eat meat, the plant can gain chakra out of it and store it away. For when I need it later”

“It stores it away for you? That’s practical as fuck!” 

Suppressing the urge to once again fold his arms in front of his chest Zetsu elaborated: “And it can get the most chakra out of human meat so I would be stupid to not eat some.”

“Oh?”, Hidan announced, raising his eyebrows in awe.

Zetsu only nodded in confirmation. It was the truth. Eating a portion of human meat once a week was enough to give him enough chakra for the most draining jutsu, no matter how often he needed to use those. The meat of animals hadn’t an effect this strong in the slightest. 

This practical aspect aside, Zetsu would have felt like eating parts of his defeated enemies either way, but he didn’t know how to explain this without looking even more like a weirdo. But a forlorn aspect of his mind threw in that maybe he didn’t need to voice it out for Hidan to understand: Hadn’t Hidan shown a similar inclination by feeling drawn towards Jashinism, because nature had given him the required character for practicing this religion to begin with? (Could it be that Hidan as well was beginning to see the similarities he and Zetsu shared in some aspects of their nature? The question had gotten thrown in by a far more docile aspect of his mind, trying to reach the facet doing all of the talking since a while.)

Hidan was beginning to look thoughtful again. “But your village didn’t like you doing that anyway?”

Staying silent Zetsu shook his head. “They hadn’t liked it at all. So, at first, they tried locking me away.”

Hidan looked down at his now empty plate, putting the tray back on the bedside table again. Despite his earlier protests he had managed to eat the entire portion anyway. That was probably a good sign, a sign that he recovered. (Physically.)

Hidan’s eyes were still full of thought when he started speaking in a quiet voice: “Those idiots tried locking someone away who can shift through spaces?”

“They soon realized just that.”

“Guess they tried it with seals then.”

“They did, but frankly: Getting around the seals put on that part of the Konoha forest was more of a challenge.”

Hidan leaned his chin onto his hand, the gaze in his eyes getting distant. “Cheap fuckers. All of them”, he finally mumbled. Judging from his tone Zetsu couldn’t’ say if the comment had been directed at the people from Hidden Grass Zetsu had been telling him about or towards the Konoha ninja who had attacked Hidan and Kakuzu on that day. Something about the distant gleam in his eyes let Zetsu suspect it might have been a bit of both at the same time. 

“So, they tried to contain you but realized that they literally couldn’t”, Hidan concluded.

“Like this.”

“And then?”

“And then they freaked out and tried to kill me.”

Hidan’s gaze got focused again. “Who was ‘they’ in that case?”

Zetsu felt a bitter smile show up in his face. “My former sensei. And his lab buddies.”

“Thought so.” Hidan had sounded strangely tired and exhausted. Maybe forcing himself to eat the entire portion had been too much after all?

“You’re not getting a stomach ache after eating up everything, aren’t you?”

Hidan’s eyes widened in surprise, features starting to look completely blank for a second. Then a good-natured grin showed up on his face. “No, don’t worry. In hindsight I think I might have felt ill because I hadn’t eaten enough yesterday.”

“In any case, if something starts feeling wrong, tell me.”

“I will. I’m fine thought”, Hidan said, laying back into bed again. “Things are going to get better, I can feel it.”

A heavy sadness arrived with a pang in Zetsu’s chest, spreading through his entire being like a leaden fog. He couldn’t say what the cause for it might have been; it felt like some delayed echoes had arrived from several directions at once, their overlapping noise making it impossible to detect any of their sources. 

“I’m certain your God is making sure of that as well. That you get better, I mean”, Zetsu heard himself say, not realizing he had wanted to say something until he had done so. But in the same moment he realized he had meant every single one of his words: He himself might not have been religious by nature but Hidan was. So the sentiment had to hold some sort of value, it just had to.

For a moment Hidan looked surprised hearing those words. Then he lowered his gaze, smile on his face widening: “If even a heathen like you is noticing it, well, then I guess I just has to be the truth.”


	5. At Dawn’s First Light

Zetsu smelled the blood before he saw Kisame. Long before he saw Kisame.

“I take it I'm supposed to dispose of all of this then?”

Kisame stepped out behind some nearby trees that had given him cover until now, showing a small smile while gesturing at the shapeless mess of human remains laying on the ground. “Yes, please. If you'd be so kind.”

Zetsu nodded, trying to make sense out of the situation in front of him. This part of Hi no Kuni where Kisame had been busy for the better part of the last week was cloudy currently, the frost of early morning hiding away that spring had arrived.

“It's much fresher than it looks like, three people. Here, here and also look, here”, Kisame explained, stepping closer and gesturing at the carcasses.

That clarification had been necessary indeed. “Thank you”, Zetsu simply said, picking up three parts of the remains that looked the most edible. Thanks to one of the jutsu the plant summon had brought with it, his stomach was able to deal with meat much rawer and less fresh than humans actually could eat without getting sick, but it wasn’t like he had become an actual scavenger. Intending to fish out the pocket knife located in his coat pocket, Zetsu paused. His hand was touching metal, but it wasn’t the familiar shape of the knife he preferred to use when eating. No, the metallic object in question was something he had completely forgotten about in the stress of the last few days. Once he was home again he needed to remember returning it to its actual owner. 

Taking an absentmindedly exhausted sigh Kisame stepped closer. “Today's targets held up quite the fight.”

Zetsu nodded as a sign that he was listening, beginning to eat the first piece of meat, using the pocketknife to cut it into more edible pieces. There was no excuse to abandon table manners completely, regardless of the nature of the food in question. The meat was still slightly warm, carrying the familiar taste of iron.

“The jinchuriki doesn't seem to have moved to this part of the country though”, Kisame clarified. 

“According to the information we got, he’s still in his home nation, even though he left his home village for the time being.” In fact, Pain had confirmed as much, just when Zetsu had been about to leave.

A grimace showed up on Kisame’s face. “Tracking it down is going to be a hassle, isn’t it.”

Probably. Most likely, even. “Maybe it would be easier with Itachi still being alive. This having been his home nation and everything”, Zetsu said, beginning to gnaw on the second piece of meat, a procedure necessary to signal his plant the nature of today's targets. Ensuring his summon would store the chakra away for him he needed to eat meat directly, yes. But when it came to the mere disposal of bodies it was the plant eating away the most part: The capacity of a human stomach remained limited after all.

Hearing Itachi's name Kisame’s expression turned into a proper frown: “Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, we still need to find the rest of the tailed beasts. And I’d prefer if we could do so fast.”

“We should do just that. Especially after this one here caused so much damage to us the last time it managed to get away”, Zetsu huffed, continuing his meal with a rigour he hadn't felt mere seconds ago. The truth was, he hated the Fox and every person connected to him. Entirely, the way the Land of Fire handled things had always reminded him a little bit too much on the politics of Hidden Grass, but recently the reasons for his disdain had become more personal. 

Kisame smiled, eying Zetsu wordlessly. He never minded being confronted with Zetsu's eating habits and after having been comrades with the man for what were years by now, Zetsu was certain that Kisame's displayed feelings on the matter were in fact genuine.

When Kisame started talking his voice sounded thoughtful, all former annoyance gone: “How's Hidan doing?”

“Well enough, taking the circumstances into consideration.” Zetsu continued chewing thoughtfully. He was able to deal with raw meat but he didn't like the bitter aftertaste it had started leaving right now. Odd.

“To think you managed to locate him after all this time. Pity I couldn't be around when you got him home.”

“He won't be able to go anywhere anytime soon. He'll still be around once you've come back again.”

A wistful smile showed up on Kisame's face, his eyes setting into the distance. “I just thought maybe you would have liked some help?”

Keeping to chew on a piece of meat that felt especially rubbery, Zetsu just gave him a questioning glance.

Kisame looked him into the eyes again: “How is he as a patient?”

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders: “Talkative but cooperative. Otherwise he’s very polite.” And curious like a nosy cat, but Zetsu saw no need voicing that out.

Kisame raised his eyebrows but for some odd reason didn't seem surprised exactly. “Polite? Hidan?”

“At least for now”, Zetsu added, part of him beginning to feel disturbed by Kisame's heavy stare. Another corner of his mind got shaken by a flash of irritation. Why was Kisame so surprised? It was true that Hidan's choice of language got out of control sometimes. But that wasn't exactly the same as behaving rude on principle. If anything, Zetsu had met enough people who spoke and acted polite on the surface, just to display a deeply rooted contempt of the subtle kind of way the moment they were sure they could get away with it. Hidan wasn’t like that at all; he didn’t bother putting up an appealing looking façade to begin with: With him you got exactly what you had been promised. 

Still staying silent Kisame took his sword in the other hand, now leaning on it. His gaze wandered into the distance again, the expression on his face becoming unreadable. “It's gotten cold again this night. Really cold, I mean: When the sun rose, I saw that some puddles on the ground had frozen over.”

Puddles? “You got rain this night?”

“Not this night, no. The day before yesterday.”

“I haven't seen any rain in weeks.” Zetsu hadn't. The headquarter everyone was staying at for the time being was located near Hidden Rain, but ironically it had been dry around their area lately.

Hearing this Kisame only nodded, his entire demeanour starting to radiate an exhausted tiredness.

Maybe the plant had started to feel the increasing tension as well. It started detaching itself from Zetsu, moving towards the messy scraps of flesh, bones and guts lying on the ground, starting to eat it all. Given the amount it had to deal with today, the entire process would take some time to be finished, this much was obvious.

It was Kisame who started to break the growing silence between them: “Last time I saw our leader he meant I might get Deidara as a partner. As soon as his mission in Takigakure will be over.”

Zetsu made a point chewing the bite of flesh he had in his mouth thoroughly, glad this gave him the excuse to stay silent for a moment longer. “Pairing you up with Deidara? Leader mentioned something about that just the other day, yes.”

“Still relevant then.” Kisame mumbled, appearing to get lost in thought. “Still relevant then. And what about Hidan? Is Konan going to be with him from now on? Or Tobi?”

The question managed to shake an irritated part of Zetsu's mind that had been quietly simmering until now. This facet shoved any tension and hesitation present to the side, no longer caring about those and taking over control instead. The discreet aspects of Zetsu's mind could only listen in horror to the words coming out of his mouth the next moment. “No. I want him.”

The statement had managed to erase the last traces of that odd lethargy from Kisame's face. “I... aren't you usually working alone?”

“We used to, until now. But things have changed.” They had. With the organisation losing this many comrades in such a short amount of time, everyone had to adapt accordingly. And besides: Why was he always supposed to be stuck with only observing stuff and cleaning up the trash other’s left behind anyway? In fact, you could argue with the organisation getting restructured in some areas it was just the perfect time to stop staying overall static. 

Hearing this Kisame actually looked surprised, looking like he was at a complete loss for words. Zetsu held his stare, the defiant part of him still holding control doing so with an emotion that almost bordered on glee, the more reserved parts of him starting to feel exposed by the fact the plant was not attached to his body right now, eating away the evidence of Kisame’s targets instead. Like this the almost ever present presence of the summon serving as a shield was gone completely. 

Kisame cleared his throat, leaning on heavier on his sword. With the expanding light of this morning it became apparent the fight had exhausted him after all. “I’m… maybe I’ve been misunderstanding things. I always assumed you preferred being alone on your own.”

Zetsu tilted his head. Only slightly so, a silent gesture to appease Kisame. “I’ve always preferred being on my own instead of having to waste time with people I don’t get along with. All of us think the same about this matter.” Zetsu pat his hand on his chest, emphasising his point like that “However, spending time with someone we’re getting along with, we’re not averse to that.”

“Isn’t that how most people think about the matter?” Kisame had sounded genuinely baffled.

The comment made Zetsu laugh, slightly so, he couldn’t help it. Kisame was such a ruthless and experienced fighter when a situation demanded him to act, but in certain aspects the man was still so endearingly naïve. “No, not at all. You only think so because you yourself aren’t keen either on wasting your time with idiots.”

“Oh?”

“The fact you reached a point ready to leave your village is proof of this, isn’t it?”

Kisame’s gaze set into the distance again. The next moment he nodded in agreement, a hazy shadow setting over his face.

Zetsu looked at his plant summon. It was still eating. At this point it would take some time until it could serve him as a shield again. Feeling resigned he continued eating the meat he was still holding in his hands. It had been over a week since he last have had some, his chakra reserves needed to be stored up again. 

A cold wind rustled through the still bare twigs of the trees around them, emphasising the chilly temperature of this morning. In this cold air the smell of blood and guts stayed contained to their spot, spreading only very slowly through the rest of the area

Giving Kisame a tentative look Zetsu continued: “You’d be surprised to what lengths many people go just to not be alone. Staying in places not doing them any good, even though they would have a choice. Just because they’re afraid to be on their own. Afraid to be lonely. Even going so far as to lie to themselves, telling themselves that everything is just fine. Even though it is not.”

Kisame set his gaze on Zetsu again, away from the distance. “You see this so clearly because you’re completely different from this, I assume?” He hadn’t managed to keep a mocking edge away from his voice, though it had been apparent he had tried to sound neutral.

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders, feeling that restless energy from earlier spread through his self. “I see this because I used to be just the same.” He had been and he hated his past self for it, cursing his former weakness. The next moment he could feel the edges of his mind getting sharper: “But not anymore. Once I realized what the issue had been, I adapted accordingly.”

For a long moment Kisame held his gaze, quietly. A gleam had started flaring up behind his eyes that almost looked gentle. “You know, I’m actually looking forward to it, getting teamed up with Deidara. Has an uplifting energy, that one. He and I always used to get along with each other, I think.”

Hearing this Zetsu nodded in agreement. It was only fair if Kisame would get out some positive changes from the most recent developments around them as well.


	6. Always in my Dreams

Maybe Kisame had possessed some sense of predestination. Or maybe he had only put into Zetsu’s awareness what a far corner of his own consciousness had already realized since a while. Either way, when he returned back to the headquarter he felt little surprised by the unexpected sight he was greeted with. 

Zetsu cleared his throat, addressing the figure lying in the prayer circle on the floor. “You can pray already?”

Hidan cracked his eyes open, already the next moment laying his arm over his eyes, as if the sunlight streaming in through the windows was too bright. “I’m not using my praying spear yet and only have drawn a small wound. It’s a start and feels better than doing nothing.”

“I see.”

“Jashin-sama doesn’t mind if your ability to follow standard praying rules are limited by outside circumstances, you know? As long as you just try and do what you can.”

“So, that’s how it is.” Out of a sudden Zetsu became aware of his plant being attached to his upper body again. He usually made a point to rely on the protection it offered him, but for some reason having it with him started to feel almost irritating right now. “You still had a fever yesterday. Is it okay for you to be up right now?”

Hidan was still hiding his face behind his arm, the gesture doing nothing to muffle the increasing volume of his voice: “I just told you I practiced a lighter version of how I usually do it! Do you think I don’t realize I’m still fucking ill or something? Fucking heathens and your complaining! Never listening when I’m talking about what Jashin-sama wants but complaining about him all the time anyway!”

The outburst hadn’t come as a surprise. In a way witnessing it had almost felt like a relief. This entire time, Zetsu couldn’t have helped but to think that Hidan had appeared a bit too calm and collected. And yet Zetsu froze into place, unable to decide what he wanted to say next; too many options competing in his mind for attention, insisting they were the best solution. 

“I’ve dedicated my life to Jashin since years! You fucking think I don’t know what I’m doing?!” Hidan’s voice had started to crack, the volume of his it no longer able to hide that specific unstable shaking that indicated he had just managed to calm down from crying mere minutes ago.

“I’m sorry”, Zetsu said, the most sympathetic aspect of his mind finally taking over: “I was just worried.” Since he had left Hidden Grass he had done his utmost to prevent other people influenced his decisions and feelings and yet he couldn’t help right now but to feel agony witnessing the state of the person lying on the floor in front of him.

“Worried! If you care so much then don’t sneak away without telling me anything.” Hidan had stopped yelling, his voice silenced by the effort to stop it from shaking. With no success. 

“Kisame called me. I needed to dispose of something for him.”

Hidan turned his head, finally stopping to hide away his face behind his arm. “Leader told me, but I didn’t know if he was telling me the truth.”

“I’m… He… I’m sorry. It was still the middle of the night when I got Kisame’s message, so I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Hidan glared at him, the accusing light flickering behind his eyes getting weaker only slowly so. His eyes were red and puffy, further proof he had been crying. “Next time write me a fucking note or something.”

Zetsu nodded in agreement, hoping it would help appeasing Hidan a bit. He still wasn’t entirely sure what had caused this outburst directed at him. 

“Write me a fucking note or something instead of sneaking the fuck away”, Hidan insisted, sitting up. His face looked flushed, and Zetsu was convinced that partially the fever still had to be responsible for this.

“A note. Okay.”

“Or take me with you.”

“You weren’t in a state to leave the building.” In fact, Hidan wasn’t even in a state to continue lying on the cold and hard floor. But Zetsu couldn’t point that out right now, under no circumstances. “I can take you with me as soon as you’ll be able to though.”

“Now that’s a sensible suggestion for once. From all the heathens you’re still the one with the most common sense”, Hidan huffed. His voice was still shaking, rendered unstable by a suppressed sob that continued trying to escape his throat. 

Not knowing what to say to this Zetsu stepped closer, sitting down on the floor next to Hidan. 

Seeing this Hidan widened his eyes in surprise, a deeply set reluctance that still cast a shadow on his face leaving. He ran his hand through his hair, ordering the messy white strands. “Actually, Kakuzu was the most sensible of them all. But that idiot got himself killed and left me alone. What made him think that was okay? He just left me alone and got himself killed.”

“Hidan…”

“I know it’s not his fault, but I want to have him back anyway!” Hidan’s voice started shaking, heavy with the weight of incoming tears: “In fact, what happened to him is my fault. Because I was stupid enough to get tricked into destroying one of his hearts. If he just would have had the power of one more heart and the additional jutsu it brings, he would have managed to get out, I’m certain!”

Afraid to say anything wrong Zetsu stayed silent, hoping his presence alone would bring across the compassion he hoped to express.

Maybe it was working a bit. Despite everything. Hidan shook his head, avoiding Zetsu's gaze: “Leader also told me what happened with Kakuzu on that day exactly. I asked, I wanted to know all the details.”

Hearing this Zetsu went tense. Several times he had considered bringing up the issue himself but in the last moment always had ended up hesitating. Maybe that had been a mistake after all.

Beginning to pick at the fabric of the sweater he was wearing Hidan continued: “I can't stand the thought of these cheap maggots all ganging up on him. Fuck the Kyubi and everyone else! I'm going to sacrifice everyone who was present on that day to Jashin-sama and those bastards better be thankful their pointless lives will end with a higher purpose like this!”

“We need to get the Nine Tails anyway”, Zetsu pointed out, trying to express some supporting sentiment.

“We do!” Hidan raised his head, looking Zetsu in the eyes directly. “I can't stand the thought of Kakuzu being ganged upon like this! It would have been bad enough with someone like the Nibi delivering the final blow. But at least she was someone who relied on her own strength in battle, not a dirty coward like the lot of them. Those Konoha bastards could get slowly ripped to shreds and that would still be more than they deserve.” Hidan's voice had begun to sound calm. Too calm, wearing a cutting edge shaped by pain and desolation. 

It was the kind of desolation you could trip over if it managed to overtake your mind. And the kind that only grew in strength if you felt lonely and abandoned. Deciding that up until now he had been cautious enough Zetsu gave in to an urge a more vulnerable part of his mind was drenched in. “I already told you. We still need to get the Kyubi anyway. And with everything concerning the rest, well, I can help you with that if you want to.”

Hidan widened his eyes, the stare he was giving Zetsu intensifying. “It only makes sense. They intend to go after everyone in Akatsuki if they get the chance.”

“And as you just pointed out, they deserve no better to begin with.”

Letting hear an agreeing noise Hidan nodded. He lowered his gaze again, awkwardly brushing his hand through his hair. Due to the matted strands Zetsu had needed to cut out of it, it always seemed to look unruly these days. At the same time he could understand Hidan's reluctance to just go and cut everything short entirely.

A forgotten memory inserted itself in the centre of Zetsu’s attention, demanding to be remembered. He took out the object located in his coat pocket, its weight beginning to feel leaden and heavy. 

Noticing Zetsu's growing unrest, Hidan gave him a questioning glance, tilting his head to the side while staying silent.

“It found this in the ground when... I'm sorry I didn't give it back to you earlier. I had completely forgotten about it, until I put on my coat again.” He stretched out his hand, holding the metallic object towards Hidan.

Hidan went completely still, eyes gleaming up with realisation. Then the stupor fell away from him. Slowly moving his arm, as if fighting against an invisible fog holding him back, he took the pendant of his old rosary into his hand, staring at it with disbelief.

“I couldn't find the rest, I'm sorry. That's all that had been left.” The rest of that rosary must have been blown into shreds and pieces, just like everything else Zetsu had retrieved from that clam and dirty place in the ground. 

“You found my rosary?”

“Only its pendant.”

Hidan’s hand clasped tighter around the metallic symbol, holding on tight to it. “That's a sign all this time Jashin-sama had been watching over me. I am sure now.”

Zetsu didn't know what to say to this. It went fundamentally against his nature to put trust and belief into someone, be it another person or a God. But being confronted with so much conviction, with such a brittle stability held together only by conscious effort and what at this point must have been stubbornness, he didn't find it in himself to voice any of his inner resistance.

“Is it a good thing I picked this up after all then?”, Zetsu finally asked. At first he had hesitated, not sure if he was about to commit another mistake: Maybe Hidan didn't want anything back that reminded him of that terrible day to begin with?

Hidan fiercely shook his head, almost looking startled. “What? No, of course it's alright! This is proof Jashin-sama stayed at my side during all this time!”

“This… well, I guess you know your God best”, Zetsu said, trying to come up with something encouraging. Something that showed he was perfectly fine with Hidan relying upon his God even though the mere sentiment was a mystery for Zetsu to understand. 

Now Hidan started smiling, the expression doing nothing to hide the fact he had been shaken by upsetting emotions until just now. His eyes were still red and swollen from crying as well. Displaying that smile, the expression on his face looked completely miserable, like he was clinging onto his last shred of sanity with mere willpower. “You found it. You brought it back to me.”

“I… I just saw it lying around and picked it up.”

Rubbing his free hand across his face Hidan lowered his gaze. “Zetsu… you know, people always assume that Jashin is a cruel God, just because we have strict praying rules. And stuff. But you know, he doesn’t turn his face away from someone solely because they’re a heathen.”

“Oh?” Zetsu felt himself leaning slightly closer, suddenly afraid of what might happen if he let his guard down and didn’t make an effort to listen. After all words were only one small part of how people tried to express their thoughts, if you wanted to understand someone their mere words usually weren’t even slightly enough.

“Yes. As long as someone lives according to Jashin’s will and commits no grave sin against his commands. Jashin judges actions, not empty words.”

“That’s… well, I had no idea.” And Zetsu never had possessed the urge to ask. But now that Hidan was telling him about this, there was no way he could just stand up and leave. 

Hidan raised his head. That ghastly smile from before had vanished from his face entirely. Instead his eyes were full with tears, the kind of silent crying that would follow once a mental exhaustion had become too big to bear. “What I’m trying to tell you here is the following: I’m certain Jashin-sama is watching over you as well. The kind of person you are, it’s the kind of person standing in His grace.”

Zetsu’s first impulse was to point out that he was not the kind of person standing in anyone’s grace to begin with. What was coming out of his mouth instead was: “If you’re saying so. I’m sure you know the will of your God better than I do.”

Letting hear a laugh devoid of any joy Hidan averted his gaze to the side, holding his hand that was still clasping the Jashinistic pendant over his chest, right over where his heart was located. “I’m not always so sure I do understand. I’m trying so hard to hear clearly what He has to say, but sometimes I get the feeling I have it all wrong.” He shook his head, not directly meeting Zetsu’s eyes but looking into the direction of his face again. “But I’m absolutely certain of what I just told you. Our scriptures are very clear in that regard. Even I wouldn’t be able fucking that up by misunderstanding it.”

“Hidan…”

“And that’s why I’m also certain Kakuzu was standing in His favour as well. I never saw him commit any sin going against our most important commands that has to count for something.”

Somewhere in the building a door closed noisily, a moment later water was running through some pipes. Through the window there was still streaming in sunlight, casting a clear golden light over everything in the room. 

Hidan groaned, leaning his head into his hand. The free one, the one not holding the Jashinistic rosary. “I think I’m still having that shitty fever after all. My head is spinning. Fuck.” He had sounded absolutely exhausted. 

“Want to go back to bed then? Lying down would help if you’re feeling dizzy”, Zetsu said, stretching out his hand towards Hidan.

Hidan looked up, the expression in his eyes slowly turning clearer. Then he took Zetsu’s hand, silently nodding in agreement. He let Zetsu help him standing up, not letting go of his hand until he was lying in bed again. 

Zetsu blamed the fever in Hidan’s mind having him made forget to let go again. After all that was all there could be to it.


	7. Glow

Hidan blinked, blended by the light of the sun. The last few days had been a bit of a haze, he decided, hand closing around the pendant of his old rosary. The pendant he had gotten back. 

“What the fuck is the deal with the sun blending like this? Aren’t we supposed to be in Amegakure?” He had no idea what he was doing on the roof of their currently headquarter anyway. Zetsu had went on with something about staying indoors all day not being healthy and before Hidan had known what had happened the sun was already burning down on him.

“It’s been dry lately, yes. But there’s supposed to be incoming rain this evening. And it’s supposed to stay for the rest of the week. Either way, Pain asked me to have a look at the stability of the seals out here”, Zetsu explained, sounding as reasonable as detached. He had been weird this entire day. Not unfriendly or distant just… a lot more collected than usual, that’s what felt different, yes. Usually he showed more of a spontaneous energy, be it with his sweet persona in charge or his cynical one. But right now he made an almost cautious impression. 

“I see”, Hidan said, having a better look around the roof now his eyes were adjusting to the bright light outside. There was a railing securing the edges and various huge pots with plants in them and other stuff standing around were going against the impression of the place being neglected or even abandoned. There was even a bench standing next to some weird shrubbery. “What seals?”

“Concealment ones. Looked at from outside this place is supposed to appear like some small-town bakery. This includes hiding the true appearance of anyone present around the building. But we have to make sure detection jutsu won’t notice something is amiss.” With this Zetsu stepped to the railing, touching it’s edges, doing that thing of his where he let his hand shift through objects. He had gone silent, concentration apparent on his face. 

Beginning to feel out of place Hidan sat down on the wooden bench, having a look around the place. From up here you could see the better part of the small town they were staying in, having an overview at its main road leading out of town. Only now Hidan realized that the potted plants on this roof aside, most trees and shrubbery growing outside were still bare, new leaves only starting to grow. 

So, it had really gotten spring already, huh? Had he really spent that much time in that shitty hole? How much time had that been then, around half a year? Realizing the exact answer to this question was making him anxious he tried to distract himself, starting to talk before he knew what to say next: “Zetsu? But wouldn’t it be better then to not go up on the roof at all?”

Zetsu shook his head, turning around to face Hidan but staying over at the railing. “If the seals really would be so weak that some would notice something, it wouldn’t be the roof only they noticed. And furthermore, Konan and Deidara need an open space in the outside to make some of their jutsu work properly. It’s in the best interest of everyone if this place stays accessible.”

“So that’s how it is.” Hidan lowered his gaze, no longer feeling able to bear the weight of Zetsu’s stare. He looked entirely too intense today. Not unfriendly or anything, just intense. Like he was more solid or something, less likely to fuck off the moment he had enough after all, by just shifting through the floor or the wall. Like he sometimes would do. “Did you get those plants up here? They look nice.”

Hidan heard a shuffling and the next moment Zetsu was sitting down on the bench next to him. “Yes. I thought if the place gets used to begin with then it can’t hurt if it would look a bit friendlier.”

“It does. Look friendly I mean.” It was the truth. Hidan might not have known the slightest thing about plants and stuff but he could see if a place was beautiful or not. That shitty forest in Konoha for example, with its gloomy trees and eerie deer stalking around the place hadn’t been beautiful at all: It had been a dark and depressing garbage location of a place. Hidan raised his head, gesturing at that odd shrubbery next to them. “That here for example. Looks really nice with its yellow flowers. And stuff. I’ve never seen that sort of plant before.”

Zetsu turned around, looking at the plant Hidan was gesturing at. “Oh, that one. It’s quite common in Hidden Grass. It grows best in the lower plains, so I imagine it’s not common in the mountains or places with lots of rain.”

“Does it have any special function or something? I mean, are the flowers of it useful or anything like that?” Sasori had used to have plants around he had gathered poison from, Hidan still remembered. And other plants you could use as medicine, or to season dishes or similar stuff like that. 

“Not to my knowledge, no. I just remembered it and wanted to have it, even though it’s not all that common to grow around here.”

“Must have been a hassle to get it here then, huh? But it does look very pretty.”

The leaves of his summoned plant slightly closing, Zetsu turned around again, no longer directly facing away but now hidden away behind his summon. “Yes, this. And I wanted to pick plants that have a low chance of causing someone allergies.”

Hidan needed a moment to let the meaning of those words sink in. “You mean in case someone has hay fever or something?”

“Just like that. The roof is supposed to get used after all.”

Maybe it was his fever still slightly lingering around but out of a sudden Hidan got very aware of the metallic pendant located in his trouser pocket. He had thought it lost but thanks to Zetsu he had gotten it back. He had received the rosary back in the day when a Jashinist monk had travelled through his old village, a chance encounter that had led to Hidan hearing about the details of Jashin-sama’s words for the first time. “That is very considerate of you. Picking the sorts of the plants like that”, Hidan finally said, gaze strictly set on the yellow flowers of the shrubbery, resisting the urge to get his pendant out and holding it in his hand. 

Zetsu shook his head, the leaves of his summon closing up even further. He stood up, eyes fixed on the railing in front of them. “I need to check the rest of the seals. So far I’d say they’re strong enough but I’d advice leader to tighten them further in case someone really knowledgeable comes along.”

“Can’t be too careful with this stuff, huh?”

“Right. Just like that. So, we would need to think about what kind of new seals would be most effective next.”

“Never got seals. Not more than the basics. Too complicated.”

“I’m not good creating them either, just testing them on their weak points. Kisame happens to be good with them, together with him we should manage to work something out.” With this Zetsu walked away, continuing to test the rest of the seals. His voice had still sounded so oddly collected.

Hidan sighed, feeling an empty longing by the sight of Zetsu standing up and walking away like this. Could it be he had found it off-putting after all, witnessing the shitty breakdown Hidan had suffered under? People seeing him cry, there wasn’t much else he detested as strongly. But what had he been supposed to do? Hidan had tried pulling himself together, but out of a sudden everything had just gotten too much. It shouldn’t have; Kakuzu wasn’t the first person Hidan had cared about and lost, it was the kind of inevitable shit that happened if you found yourself stuck as a shinobi. But then, Kakuzu hadn’t been some random fucker Hidan had known since academy days, but someone who had really mattered. Someone special you couldn’t replace. 

Giving in to his urge he got out his pendant, holding it tight in his hand. Sitting here like this he realized that the sun really wasn’t this strong after all, it only had looked bright as fuck when stepping outside. And the air around them was still somewhat fresh. But if this was due to an old frost still lingering around or due the rain supposed to be incoming, Hidan could not say. 

Either way, the fresh air helped him clear his head, erasing the last lingering traces his embarrassing collapse from yesterday had still cast on his mood. His wandering gaze came to a halt at Zetsu, how he was testing another seal, over at the place furthest away up here on the roof. Surrounded by all those potted plants he made the impression of being almost at peace, almost content. If it only hadn’t been for the heavy shadow cast over his eyes, making them appear all critical. Something about the sight reminded Hidan about clouds wandering in front of the sun, not erasing the light and warmth of it entirely but dulling out its power significantly. 

But maybe that was just him concentrating on detecting any weak points in the seals. Hidan heard a rustling, the sound of an incoming breeze moving through the leaves of that Hidden Grass shrubbery, that one shrubbery with its bright yellow flowers. If Zetsu had suggested for Hidan to come with him up here on the roof, then maybe he wasn’t feeling that disturbed by having witnessed his breakdown yesterday after all. Hidan tried to have faith.


	8. Discrete Pulse

Meeting Konan came completely unexpected. Hidan had heard that she presently had been around the building, but with how messy the last few days had felt, he somehow hadn't expected to see her. At least not this early. 

They had exchanged one, maybe two sentences. Two sentences about how he was doing (better, still feverish but recovering steadily) when she started to completely ignore Hidan and addressed Zetsu exclusively instead: “Nakamura-sensei returned from his travels. He announced himself ready to see our cases again, in case something should come up”, she said, gesturing into Hidan's direction, indicating him to be this exact case of “something”.

Suddenly Hidan felt very exposed and very stupid for the fact he still wasn't in a state to leave the fucking bed for longer amounts of time yet. He had tried to be up for real this morning, but then had started to feel dizzy very suddenly and very strongly, leaving him no choice than to lie down again.

It was still Zetsu Konan kept addressing: “Sensei agreed to have a look at Hidan this afternoon. The timing is ideal; all of the forces being on the lookout for us seem to be located in the south, at least for the time being.”

Understanding gleaming up behind Zetsu's eyes and he slowly nodded at her.

Hidan suppressed a sigh. He had heard of this Nakamura-sensei but had never met him. But he knew the man sympathized with Akatsuki's ideals nearly since the day the organisation had been founded. The man being from Amegakure himself, he had proven to be one of the outsiders being reliable, offering them his skill as a doctor since. 

Zetsu was still looking at Konan, starting to speak with the sort of harsh voice that indicated his cynical side was in charge: “Wait, 'appear to be'?”

“Yes, we still plan to be cautious. That's why we decided it would be the best course of action for you to bring Hidan to sensei's place directly. You've been there before, haven't you?”, Konan said, not looking bothered by how irritated Zetsu's cynical side had just sounded.

Altogether she made the impression of being a little bit too composed, too collected.

Continuing to state details concerning their scheduled appointment with that ridiculously mysterious Nakamura-sensei her demeanour didn't change. All Hidan gathered from it was that he needed to get dressed and ready fast. He already had put on a sweater, trying to ignore his growing irritation that those two kept ignoring him and were talking with each other as if he wasn't there.

It wasn't until Konan was about to leave the room when she looked Hidan in the eyes again: “It’s good to see you back. I hope you’ll get better soon!” The shadow of a smile appeared on her face and then she already was out of the door. 

Beginning to feel bewildered Hidan kept staring at the now closed door. So… was she still kind of in charge of the organisation or… helplessly he looked up at Zetsu: “So, I never quite got it. Is it our pierced leader dude alone who is in charge or… what?” 

Not looking surprised by the question Zetsu shrugged his shoulders. “Both? I’m not so sure there’s much of a difference.”

Right. Sure. Not much of a difference. It was just, that pierced dude left such a strange impression sometimes. As if he was only pretending to be human. Or something. Hidan couldn’t quite put his finger on it. But looking at the face of that dude, hearing his voice, seeing him move: Some hazy but strong impression stayed that something wasn’t quite right about it. 

Zetsu folded his arms in front of his chest. “Nothing changed for us. We still need the tailed beasts to reach our next goal. It’s all I need to know.” He hadn’t sounded too convinced himself. 

“Probably, yeah.” Maybe. Hidan supressed a sigh, suddenly regretting he had chosen to spread Jashin’s word by sticking to the only way of life he had ever been familiar with instead of… of becoming a monk in one of the Jashinist monasteries in the northern territories or something. He could have learned the art of iconography there and start to spread Jashin’s word like this. Through art. But then, fighting and killing had been the only thing he had gotten used to and feeling familiar with his entire life, so that what he had ended up sticking with. 

“Or let’s say it like that: Konan isn’t the kind of person likely to lie and deceive on a big scale. So, for the time being, it’s enough”, Zetsu added, sounding more sincere this time. He always sounded the most sincere when pointing out the limitations of something and his lowered expectations towards it. 

There literally was no one beside his own person Zetsu allowed himself to trust, wasn’t there?

It was not like the concept sounded alien to Hidan and yet… even when humans proved to be a big disappointment over and over again, at least there was Jashin. Always and under any circumstances, as long as you had faith in him, he would also believe in you. The promises of the Jashinistic scriptures aside, Hidan could just feel it, knew it in his soul to be the truth. 

It was a bit sad to think Zetsu would never make this experience. Especially as he honestly was someone Jashin-sama would have approved of, it hadn’t been something Hidan had only said because his emotions had gotten the better of him during a weak moment. A dizzy fog started to expand in the corner of his mind, the kind of gloom that had nothing to do with the fact he still was having a fever. 

Trying to get a grip on himself, Hidan stumbled out of bed, putting on his shoes, his coat. His brand new coat, the one replacing the old one that had gotten ripped to shreds on that day back in autumn. Suppressing the thought Hidan continued getting ready to leave the building, for the first time since he had been brought here. “Fine. As far as I’m concerned, I’m ready to meet this Nakamura-sensei you all have keep talking about so fucking eagerly.” So eagerly indeed that they hadn’t deemed it necessary to hear Hidan’s opinion on the matter to begin with. 

Zetsu appeared to be unimpressed by that little outburst. So unimpressed that Hidan nearly twitched together in surprise when the softer voice of Zetsu’s sweeter side started talking: “Very good. Let’s go then.” He gestured with his hand towards Hidan, unfolding the leaves of his plant. 

Oh. Right. Konan wanted them to move to this doctor in the most invisible way possible which had to mean… “You can take people with you when you shift through objects?”, Hidan asked, shocked how his voice had pitched a tune higher without him intending to. 

Zetsu nodded in confirmation: “That’s how I got you back from the forest in here.” He paused, voice growing hesitant. “Maybe you don’t remember any of it?”

Hidan felt himself tense up, a joyless laugh escaping his throat. “No offense, but I can’t really remember much from that time. Entirely.” Now, if he tried Hidan could, vaguely. How he had become aware of Zetsu’s presence, the relief he had felt by the realization someone had arrived to help him getting out of that fucking hole. But these foggy impressions aside? Nothing of detail. 

“I see. Well, I’m sorry. If it’s any comfort to know, it’s a rather quick way to travel. And Nakamura-sensei has his place close, we will be over there in an instant.”

They probably would. They would, they would, they would. Trying to get a grip on his growing discomfort Hidan stepped closer. “Y-yeah. I mean, that Nakamura-sensei is trustworthy and stuff. Konan trusts him at least. And she’s not the type to let herself get fucked over by some fraud easily. Maybe he can give me something against that shitty fever, I hope. I feel so useless lying around all day, this needs to stop already”, Hidan said, realizing he was babbling nonsense. Pure nonsense, fuelled on by his nerves. He looked up at the opened leaves of the plant. “Just standing under it? Like this?”

“Like this.” Zetsu’s voice had sounded empty, making it impossible to judge what facet of him was currently in control. He held his hand out towards Hidan (his black one, his right one, Zetsu was right-handed, Hidan had noticed), gesturing him to come closer. 

The leaves were throwing such a dark shadow in the brightness of this room’s artificial light, the light that was needed during this day, with the sky grey and dark by rain clouds hanging low. Hidan stared Zetsu in the eyes, talking before he had decided he wanted to voice the anxiety on his mind: “So, when we shift, we go through the ground? Through earth?!” It would be unbearably tight and it would stink of clam earth wouldn’t it? Just like it had felt to be stuck in that hole, surrounded by nothing but earth and heavy rocks!

Zetsu went still, not avoiding Hidan’s gaze. An understanding gleam appeared behind his eyes. “Not quite, no. The leaves of the summon serve as a shield, remember? Neither the earth nor anything else will touch us like this.” It had been his cynical side speaking, but now he hadn’t sounded harsh at all. Just patient and reasonable. 

“So it won’t feel like we’re stuck in earth or something?!”

“Not at all. More like… like as if a breeze is blowing around you”, Zetsu said, his eyes starting to look upwards while he was searching for words. It really looked like he just tried to describe the reality of how moving with this particular jutsu felt and wasn’t trying to hide anything.

But Hidan still had one worry left: “And… we will be able to breathe normally right?! There won’t be nothing making it harder to breathe?!”

“The leaves are around our heads, leaving a lot of space around.” Tentatively Zetsu started closing the leaves of his plant, his eyes never leaving Hidan’s face. “Like this here, see?”

“Alright. Alright, I think if it’s like this I can manage.” Hidan wasn’t even thinking about the kind of impression he was leaving right now. He wasn’t, fuck it, fuck it all, if it would become hard to breathe he needed to know!

“Good. Can I make us leave then?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure, just don’t mess it up!”, Hidan groaned, his hands grabbing Zetsu’s upper arms. It felt safer, less likely to get lost like this. 

“I won’t.” And with this they left. 

Moving around with this suspicious shifting jutsu felt like being outside on a stormy day for real. But there was space around his head and Hidan could breathe normally, so that was alright. His hands kept grabbing Zetsu’s arms, fingers clutching deep into the fabric of his coat. He wouldn’t get lost like that, he was certain; this whole weird situation aside Zetsu seemed to know what he was doing. 

Before Hidan had realized what was happening, the breeze around them had stopped and the leaves of the summon opened, revealing a completely different space than the one they had left. 

“Ah, Zetsu-san. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Nakamura-sensei, good afternoon. I’ve brought our patient with me. Nakamura-sensei that’s Hidan. Hidan, that’s Nakamura-sensei, our unofficial doctor.”

“Once your organisation has reached their goal, hopefully finally your official one. Good day, I’m Nakamura-sensei”, the stranger said, greeting Hidan. 

“I’m Hidan. Hello.” To Hidan’s relief his voice had lost its high pitch by now, sounding stable. He eyed the stranger, trying not to stare too directly. Having a look at his face, that Doctor Nakamura was one of those oddly ageless cases who could have been set in any age range from around 40 to 60. The carefully groomed moustache on his upper lip did nothing to make the guess easier, its accurate appearance an odd distraction that kept preventing the eyes to go and search for any other clues indicating his age. 

If that Nakamura guy was irritated by Hidan’s stare, he didn’t show it. “Konan told me you would come. Am I understanding it right that you are dealing with a bunch of injuries still in the process of healing?”

“Um. Like this. Mostly.”

“Please explain to me everything in detail”, Nakamura-sensei said, voice even and stable. 

So Hidan did, avoiding to mention his immortality in any direct term and instead opting to say that thanks to some jutsu injuries tended to heal faster on him, his instant solution if he wasn’t sure if whoever he was dealing with was trustworthy enough or not. At least his first impression about the good doctor seemed not to be wrong: The dude seemed to actually listen, jotting down notes on the clipboard he was holding. He ended up giving Hidan something against the infections still present on his body, and a remedy in case the fever went too high after all and the advice “to take it slow and have some patience; injuries of this scale need time to heal properly, a jutsu supporting the healing process in active or not”.

Patience. Hearing the phrase Hidan had to suppress a tired smile. At the moment he was left with no patience whatsoever. For nothing and no one. 

Nakamura-sensei seemed to have picked up the sentiment anyway. An understanding smile showing up on his face he added: “Waiting around aimlessly is nothing any of you shinobi feel comfortable doing, I understand. It is however, the most efficient cause of action I can recommend at this moment.” 

This and the advice to return immediately in case matters should take a turn for the worse after all. Before Hidan had truly realized what was happening, they were finished already and about to return. 

Everything went so fast that Hidan had almost no time to get anxious about his fear that suspicious shifting jutsu might make it difficult to breathe after all. Before he had a chance to throw himself into another panic over that, he and Zetsu had already arrived back at the base. 

Hidan had grabbed on tightly to Zetsu’s coat, again. He tried letting go but for some reason his hands wouldn’t follow command, refusing to lessen their grasp. 

“Now, that was an encouraging visit, I’d say.” Zetsu’s voice had sounded calm, neutral. If he felt any distress over the fact Hidan was clutching at him like a lost puppy, he didn’t show it. 

Hidan nodded, directing his gaze straight forward. It had never occurred to him this clearly, but standing this close to Zetsu, he realised that the both of them pretty much had to be around the same height; neither did he need to direct his gaze upwards nor down to look Zetsu into the eyes. “It’s… I guess an actual doctor should know what he is talking about, right?”

Picking up his doubts Zetsu’s expression went serious. “I’ve known Nakamura-sensei since years. He’s competent.”

“Well, if you say so…” Realizing his mouth had grimaced into a stress fuelled smile, Hidan tried to make the expression disappear. “If you say so. It’s just, I don’t really like doctor’s visits. In case you get one who isn’t competent. Or stuff.” Plus being ill just sucked in general. 

A shadow laid itself over Zetsu’s face, forlorn and icy. “I don’t like having to see doctors either.” He blinked, slightly shaking his head. “But I’ve never seen Nakamura-sensei act anything but rational and competent. So, at least there’s that.” The gloomy edge started disappearing from his face but his voice still had sounded icy. Not unfriendly or anything, just icy. 

A shiver went down Hidan’s spine, increasing his impression that this entire day just was wearing an odd shape he had trouble putting into words but was nonetheless clearly feeling. The disturbance was enough to set himself into motion again. He moved his hands that were still clutching into the fabric of Zetsu’s coat, taking a step back. 

“I’m sorry we sprung the thing with today’s appointment on you so suddenly. Nakamura-sensei was away this entire time and just returned today, hence the rush”, Zetsu said. 

Hidan shook his head, putting his hands into the pockets of his coat. The pockets of his new, pristine coat. The medication was stored in there, the one against the infections in his body and the one he needed to take in case his fever went too high. “No, it’s okay. It’s good he found time this quickly.” He could feel Zetsu’s gaze on him, the heaviness of it making something in him refuse to look up from the floor again to meet his eyes. 

“It must have come very sudden though. I didn’t realize travelling like this had the potential to make you upset until it was too late. I’m really sorry about that.”

Hearing these words Hidan felt himself freeze. It was true, moving with that shifting jutsu had sounded like complete horror at first. But well, after all it had turned out to be not that horrible. And with him lying around uselessly around the place, still recovering, Hidan wasn’t really in a position to complain if the leadership sent him to a doctor’s appointment. 

“Moving around like that all the time, it didn’t occur to me someone might assume the entire thing would feel uncomfortable”, Zetsu added. His voice still had that icy shape but at the same time he had sounded urgent. Genuine. 

“It’s ok, really. I… I was just surprised.” Forcing his gaze away from the floor Hidan looked up again, feeling that distressed smile from earlier return. He tried making it disappear but didn’t succeed. “Oh fuck it, I must have made an embarrassing impression with the fuss I raised.” Hidan hadn’t planned to say that one out loud. 

Zetsu held his gaze, a pile of conflicting emotions gleaming up behind his eyes, making them flicker and gleam like flames in the darkness. “Next time I give you a warning earlier.”

That sounded… that sounded sensible. Fair. Nothing of this had been Zetsu’s fault but it had been very sudden. Very, very sudden. And Hidan hated enclosed spaces and everything making it harder for him to breath. Yes, in fact, those had become factors he actually loathed these days. His hand fished out the medication against the infection from his coat pocket. “Guess I should take one of these, huh?”

“You should.”

“Now that I have some actual medication.”

“Exactly.” Zetsu tilted his head, giving Hidan a clear look that seemed to echo the odd iciness his voice had been carrying this entire time. “And then why don’t you follow Nakamura-sensei’s advice and lie down some more?”

Hidan nodded in agreement, lacking the energy to voice any disagreement whatsoever. Because if he was honest, if he was honest, he was feeling terribly dizzy in the head since they’ve had arrived back here. Refusing to think further about the reason for this he simply blamed it on the fever.


	9. Gold Dice

On Thursday Deidara came back. “Un, Kisame was right after all! You're back for real!”, he announced, standing under the doorframe, pointing at Hidan.

“Sorry to disappoint you in case you were hoping I would stay away.”

“Nah, my dude, nah!” Deidara kept lingering at the doorframe, still not entering the room.

With a sigh Hidan put aside the book lying in his lap, one of the books Konan had lend him 'in case he was interested'. And Jashin in heaven, was he interested indeed, no joke. With his mind getting clearer by the waning fever but his body still lacking any strength and feeling the strain of recovery, he ended up bored (and frustrated) more often than he would have liked to admit. Hidan nodded towards Deidara: “Why don't you come in?”

Hearing this a restrained light gleamed up in Deidara's eyes and only a moment later he was already sitting on the chair standing next to the bed. “It's so good to have you back, really!”

Feeling a leaden weight taking a grasp of his throat Hidan only shrugged his shoulders.

“Un, it was boring as fuck without you being here. Plus, the thought of that damned Kyubi brat having gotten you out pissed me off.”

“It got Kakuzu.” Hidan had no idea why he had just said that.

Deidara's expression got tense. “We went looking for him too, you know? In case they had only captured him or shit. But it had been too late already.”

“I know”, Hidan quickly added, feeling the need to clarify: His statement hadn't been an accusation. It was just... “Brat better starts counting the days left Jashin-sama grants him on this earth. It's personal now.”

“Personal, yeah” A shadow laid itself over Deidara's eyes, gaze getting distant. “That shitty Kyubi and his buddies got Sasori as well. Un.”

They had, hadn't they? Getting distracted Hidan felt his mind beginning to lose focus. It really was getting warmer these days with spring marching on, wasn't it? Hidan's gaze wandered towards Deidara's arms. He was wearing a shirt with short sleeves, like this giving a clear view on the places where Kakuzu had sewn his blown off arms back on. The black threads that had used to hold Kakuzu's body together were still visible as stitches. Funny how they had been accepted by Deidara's body, as if they belonged there naturally. 

So those black threads had survived but Kakuzu had died? What kind of shitty and useless immortality was this? How was any of this fair? 

Following Hidan's line of sight Deidara looked at the stitched up scars on his arms, sitting up more upright the next moment, body getting tense.

This was fucked, this wasn't fair either. But then, what thing on earth was fair, ever? Barely anything and it was the kind of issue starting to mess with your head thoroughly if you allowed for it to take root. 

Hidan took a deep breath, hoping it would be enough to let his voice sound stable. It had been: “Uhm. You know what? The colour of your nail polish looks really nice.”

Deidara went still, a slight look of confusion appearing on his face, as if he needed a moment to let those words sink in. Then a smile appeared on his face: “Un, teal green. I love that colour!”

“It's nice. Fresh.” Before he had joined this organisation Hidan wouldn't have imagined to chat about the different aspects of nail polish. Let alone apply it. But now here he was.

“I saw it and needed to have it!”, Deidara continued, visibly glad the subject had changed into this direction.

Hidan looked down on his own hands. Until recently they still had carried infected spots. But now they looked fine again. Just a bit red and raw in the places that had been affected. “Haven't got applied any at the moment.” In fact, he hadn't worn any since he had been out of that garbage hole. Sitting next to Deidara like that he got the strong impression of looking neglected. Not that there was much reason to; he had taken a shower only this morning. The clothes he was wearing were clean as well. 

So were the bedsheets. Zetsu had helped him change them yesterday. That's how weakened Hidan still was, changing his own fucking bedsheets was an exhausting effort. It was embarrassing, no question.

A thoughtful look appeared on Deidara's face. “Want to try it out?”

“Huh?”

Deidara stood up, excitement taking over his smile: “You can try the colour out right now if you want to!”

But... “That's not why I brought it up.”

“I know.” Halfway out of the door Deidara turned around: “I'll be back in an instant!”

Deidara was back in an instant indeed and he brought nail polish with him. “Teal green. It's going to fit well with your eyes.”

“My eyes are no blue or green shade at all though.”

“That's what I mean. Contrast!” With this Deidara opened the bottle, gesturing for Hidan to use it. “Or shall I help you?”

Hidan shook his head, stressing his point by beginning to paint. He wasn't so ill that he needed help to paint his own fucking nails! Suppressing a sigh he tried to distract from the matter: “Whose idea was it, to begin with? Painting your nails, even when you're a fucking dude?”

No one, absolutely no one in this organisation pressured you to do it. It was just: Seeing everyone do it rose the wish in yourself to follow example. And once you had started that habit you just kept doing it; seeing your hands without any applied made them look strange now.

Deidara shrugged his shoulders, looking unimpressed, almost detached. “Everyone was already doing it when I arrived. Never really thought about it.”

“I see.”

“I could ask Kisame. He's been here longer than I am.”

“You could. Maybe he does know.” And Hidan could ask Zetsu. Wasn't he in here about as long as Kisame was? Maybe he knew as well.

Hidan continued applying the colour, trying to suppress his urge to continue staring at the spots where Deidara's arms had been sewn back.

Deidara had ended his visit since a while now, claiming that he needed to look for Kisame. Which made sense. With the two of them about to become partners and everything. 

Yes, Deidara had left but the nail polish he had brought with him had now dried. Feeling his thoughts drift away further and further Hidan looked at the colour, trying to get some kind of clear thought back. Teal green indeed. The colour looked even nice now that it had dried. And with it applied on his nails his hands looked less… neglected. 

No longer bothering to suppress a sigh Hidan gave in to the restless urge in his chest, standing up and walking towards the closet, opening its doors. His new coat was in there, a coat so new it was still almost unused. Worn only for that one doctor’s visit yet. But that was not the thing he had been searching for. No, the thing he was searching for laid on top of his other pyjama. He took the papery cardboard that was not much larger than the palm of his hand, suddenly no longer knowing what to do next. 

Standing next to the closet, getting lost in thought, Hidan’s gaze stayed stuck on the cardboard. 

The thing was, since the doctor’s visit his recovery really was going on well. Even so good that he could allow himself to perform praying rituals that were a bit more complicated. And when Hidan prayed these days, it was not only the wellbeing of his own soul he had in mind. With Kakuzu it was too late now. The only thing he could do for him was to pray his soul would be treated well by Jashin-sama’s power in the afterlife. A reasonable hope as far as he was concerned, Hidan thought, blinking to prevent his eyesight from becoming blurry. Yes, there was still use in praying for Kakuzu’s soul. 

But there was also still someone left in this world Hidan felt concerned about. He couldn’t deny the thought any longer, he was beginning to feel truly distressed about the fact Zetsu seemed to insist remaining a heathen. What Hidan had said to him back then (during that embarrassing breakdown Hidan had suffered under!) was the truth, even if someone was a heathen: If their life resonated with Jashin’s teachings, they still had a good chance to experience his grace. And including a heathen in your own prayers helped too, so that was what Hidan somehow always ended up doing these days. Just in case. Just… well, he still had hope that one day Zetsu would be able to see what a wonderful fit it would be for him to open his heart for Jashin’s word. 

But until then… But if not, if never… In such a case, wasn’t there more Hidan could do?

He closed the door of the closet, slowly, deciding to follow the urge in his chest, walking out of his room. 

He found Zetsu on the roof. Beginning to feel puzzled Hidan looked up to the sky. Dark grey clouds hung in low over there. It looked like it was just about to rain. Again, as the remaining puddles on the place were proof of; the last downpour had only stopped since a while now. So, Zetsu couldn’t be here to water the plants. Well, most likely giving them water wasn’t the only thing needed to do when caring for a plant, Hidan wouldn’t know. 

Noticing Hidan’s arrival Zetsu looked up from whatever he had been doing right now, nodding a silent greeting into Hidan’s direction. 

Hidan twitched together, slightly, forcing himself to walk closer. “I was looking for you.”

Still staying silent Zetsu just tilted his head, a curious gleam appearing behind his eyes. 

Hidan grasped the cardboard he was holding in his hands tighter. He didn’t need to do this. He could claim he had come up here to ask how the habit in Akatsuki had started to paint one’s nails. After all he and Deidara were both trying to find out the answer to this, it would have been perfectly reasonable to ask just this. 

It would have been a lie. Telling Zetsu he had come looking for him because of the nail polish stuff would have been a lie. 

Suppressing his doubt about the entire matter Hidan forced himself to start talking. “I’ve been looking for you… I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes?”

“About Jashin-sama… and stuff.”

Hearing the name of Hidan’s God, Zetsu’s expression stayed curious. So many people got that annoyed expression when Hidan started talking about Jashin-sama but Zetsu never did. And that though he had claimed more than once in the past he found Hidan’s praying rituals boring, pointless, yet despite of this he had never really judged. 

Telling himself he felt encouraged Hidan continued: “I wanted to give you something. Something carrying Jashin-sama’s power and grace.” With this he held out the cardboard towards Zetsu. “That one’s for you.”

Zetsu’s calmness had disappeared from one moment to another. He looked genuinely baffled, looking at the cardboard, then at Hidan, and then back at the cardboard. “For me?”

“Yes! It’s a present.”

Puzzlement seeping into every part of his demeanour Zetsu took the cardboard, slowly, carefully, giving it a long look. He was holding the card with his white hand. It was truly white, not just displaying the light pink of a pale person, but truly white. Like snow, or milk. Zetsu had beautiful hands, Hidan had always thought so. Slender and lean, the hands of someone who should have become a fucking artist or musician or shit, not someone who should have become a shinobi. 

Finally Zetsu had found his words again: “Thank you. Uh. Uhm, what would this be?”

“Iconography. That’s the print of an icon of ours, one that is showing Saint Iargeh.”

Zetsu was still staring at the print. “Iconography? Right, your religion does this. Painting pictures of your saints.” Zetsu still knew this? So, he had actually listened and remembered that one time Hidan had told him about that? But that had been… that had been such a long time ago. Back before… before the forest in Konoha. But Zetsu still remembered?!

Trying to make his voice sound collected Hidan elaborated: “Saint Iargeh is the patron responsible for the harmony of all kinds of duality. And of temperance and travel. I thought… we have a lot of Saints, but I thought he would be a good fit for you!”

“That’s… well, I’m sure you know your saints best. Thank you.” Zetsu kept staring at the iconography of the saint: The picture was showing a bearded man holding a pair of old fashioned scales in his hand, a tiger to his right and horse to his left. 

“This icon holds Jashin’s power. We believe painting icons is an act of prayer that directs Jashin-sama’s grace on the picture. And making a print out of it, well, that still holds his power as well.”

“I see.” Zetsu seemed to have overcome the worst of his surprise. More, the curiosity had returned into his eyes, giving the print a closer look. “I see. Iconography.”

“Yes. You know, Jashin-sama is everywhere, but to be more efficient our saints are given the power to support him. With this icon part of Jashin’s grace is right with you. All the time.”

“That’s… thank you.”

“I wanted you to have it”, Hidan simply said, averting his eyes and looking to the side. Honestly, there were more and more of those dark clouds arriving, it could start raining any second now.

“About… about the duties of your saint…”

“Temperance and travel. And the harmony of all kinds of duality.”

“Yes, about that.” Zetsu’s voice carried a tentative urgency now, the kind you tried hiding but failed to do so: “So, he only can look over things that are split into two?”

Now that was an excellent question and it was good Zetsu had asked! Feeling his energy return Hidan turned his head, looking him in the eyes again: “You know, that one is actually a translation error!”

“…translation error?”

“Yes! You see, in the original text, in the original language the happenings concerning Saint Iargeh are written down, temperance and travel are standing there just like this. But in the original text he gets called “the one controlling the chaos”. But when those texts got translated into our language they made “the one bringing harmony into duality” out of it!”

Realization arrived in Zetsu’s eyes. “Oh.”

Hidan nodded in confirmation.

“That’s… that’s very interesting.” Zetsu had sounded almost relieved. Before Hidan could ponder about this, Zetsu continued asking: “But, if your religion knows that’s an error: Why aren’t they correcting it?”

Another excellent question: “In fact: They’re currently working on a more accurate translation! But those things need time and are getting discussed by different branches, so it’s still in development.”

“And… and that Saint Iargeh. What’s the story behind him?” Zetsu looked down at the icon again: “Him and the tiger. And everything?”

Hidan felt a smile appear on his face. Zetsu actually sounded interested and not if he was only asking to be polite. Really, that’s all he had been hoping for. He knew converting to the teachings of Jashin was a big step for most people to consider. But there were so many beautiful details about his wisdom that had the ability to bring brightness and clarity into people’s lives, it always was so frustrating to see when people built up a wall in advance and refused to listen to the smallest bits about His teachings. 

Hidan went on about the happenings concerning Saint Iargeh until his head started feeling dizzy. Unable to hide this from Zetsu he found himself sent away from the roof again, getting the advice to lie down for a moment. Not putting up any resistance Hidan felt ready to be compliant for once, too happy his idea about the gift in question had ended in such a positive manner. 

It wasn’t until Hidan was indoors again when he started to wonder why Zetsu had asked that one question about the duality to begin with. Coming to a halt at the flight of the stairs Hidan dared to speculate: Maybe it was a sign Zetsu was developing a genuine interest in Jashinism? Maybe it wasn’t that unlikely he eventually would choose to let His words into his heart. (Hidan told himself that he shouldn’t held hope into that direction and yet did it anyway.) 

Continuing his way towards his room, his steps stayed slow. Actually, when Zetsu had asked that question, Hidan had almost come to the realisation why he had asked to begin with. But then their conversation had continued, and the moment had been gone. And now he couldn’t recall what he had held in his mind during that split part of a second, sensing its vague shape but not quite able to grasp it. 

Having arrived back in his room again, Hidan flopped down on his bed. He felt fucking dizzy after all, he had to admit it. And yet, for a moment he considered standing up again, returning upstairs and asking Zetsu what that question had been about anyway. Maybe some part of him couldn’t trust Jashin due to some misconception about His nature? In the end Hidan stayed in bed, allowing for the dizziness to expand through his entire body. Even if he would have asked, for some reason he felt certain Zetsu wouldn’t have answered anything, even if maybe he wouldn’t have refused to talk directly: If Zetsu wanted he was quite good at talking much without saying anything of substance.


	10. Dream, Sometimes

Hidan wouldn't have gone so far as to claim he started finding to be stuck indoors all day to be difficult, no. He was just getting bored, that was all there was to it.

He was only a little bit bored. “It's raining. Again.”

“We're in hidden rain”, Zetsu announced in that empty voice of his Hidan just couldn't read. Looking as unimpressed as he had just sounded, he put more sugar into his tea. It was jarring how much sugar Zetsu tended to put into it: Three spoons, sometimes even four!

Hidan took a sip from his own tea, regretting it instantly: It still had been a bit too hot. Angrily he glared at the fridge, for the simple reason the device held soothing coolness but wouldn't share any of it, now that it would have been needed.

The fridge stayed indifferent, making the low humming noise that signalised it was under electricity.

“If it hadn't started to rain I would have went up on the roof or something. I'm never getting better if I just keep lying around all day.”

“Nakamura-sensei just gave you medication. Your fever has only recently gotten better. No need to rush things”, Zetsu said, too polite to directly state he found Hidan impatient. Because that's what he apparently thought, judging from the way his cynical side had just spoken.

Hidan directed his glare down on his mug that was still filled with tea that had to be too hot to drink. Zetsu was so maddeningly polite at times, it was frustrating. It made Hidan aware there was always this distance between them, thinly veiled but strong. A divide that looked thin at first glance but went deep.

He couldn't say why this realisation made him this upset; it was not like Zetsu had any sort of obligation towards him, far from it. But still, this newly won awareness made Hidan feel lonely and isolated and he didn't like it.

Still glaring at his mug Hidan continued: “I know that myself. But I'm getting out of breathe these days simply from climbing the stairs. And stuff. I hate it.”

Zetsu gave Hidan a thoughtful look, silent and with an intensity that gave his yellow eyes an oddly measuring gleam. The look was almost a stare, it was almost rude and being held under it made Hidan's stomach drop. “I wouldn't like getting out of breath that fast either”, Zetsu finally said.

“See? That's what I'm trying to tell you here: No matter if there's a good reason or not, it sucks either way.”

Nodding Zetsu averted hid gaze, putting another spoonful of sugar into his mug. Sugar load number four, truly! Realizing he was now staring himself Hidan glanced out of the window. Rain. Nothing but stable and persistent rain. He was getting sick of it. 

“You're getting cabin fever?” It still had been Zetsu's cynical side in charge but right now he had sounded downright sympathetic.

Hidan kept his gaze fixed on the rain. Now that this polite distance between them had started to crumble he literally had no clue how to deal with it. “I'm just annoyed something simple like climbing the stares feels like a fucking chore. And that the roof is no option either, with it raining this hard.”

In fact, the rain felt like another layer of isolation separating him from the world. He had tried clearing his mind this morning by following an especially demanding praying ritual but that had managed to lessen his issues only, not made them disappear. Well, at least it had to be a step into the right direction, this had to count for something.

“Want to go outside then?” The voice had been soft and stable and it felt impossible to say to what facet it had belonged to.

Hidan shrugged his shoulders. “Wouldn't be averse to it if it wasn't for the rain.”

Staying silent to this Zetsu took a tentative sip from his tea. Suppressing a sigh Hidan did the same. The content of his mug no longer was too hot now, perfect. 

“If you want to go somewhere, I could take you.”

“But it's raining.”

“Somewhere where it doesn't, I mean”

Hidan put down his mug. It was almost empty by now. “Is your shifting jutsu fast like this?”

“It will take longer than reaching Nakamura-sensei. But it’s fast enough.”

Hidan leaned his chin onto his hand, giving the pouring rain outside a critical stare. The thought of getting away from all of this, and if it was only for a moment, felt so tempting. The doctor's visit aside he hadn't been outside of this building since Zetsu had brought him in here. “Aren't all of the hidden villages and shit looking for us?”

“They are, that’s why I had a forlorn place in mind. There’s this place in the mountains, bordering north.”

Shrugging his shoulders Hidan took the last sip of his tea. “You know what? Why not?” At least like this he no longer had to listen to the humming of the fridge, for some reason the noise was grating on his nerves right now and that though usually he didn't mind. Usually the sound of the fridge felt calming. But not today.

They left in the same manner they had left when going on that doctor's visit. But this time Hidan didn't feel nervous about this manner of travelling making him feel trapped. Not really; he had seen last time that his worries about it had been unfounded. And either way, Zetsu was with him so things would be fine.

First thing upon arriving Hidan noticed that it truly wasn't raining. Second that his hands had grabbed deep into the fabric of Zetsu's coat again while travelling. He tried lessening the force of his strength without directing any attention towards the situation.

But if Zetsu minded any of this then he didn't show it. “It’s not raining here, see?”

Slowly Hidan nodded in agreement, taking in the place they had arrived at. He still wasn’t used to this nebulous means of travel; you had no indication of the place you would be arriving at until you were actually there. 

The first thing he noticed was that high up here on this mountain were barely any trees around, some lonely brittle ones aside. Good. These days entire forest of trees reminded him too much of that shitty forest in Konoha. The second thing he noticed was the small lake a little way further down the place. Hidan pointed at the shore of the lake in an accusing manner. “There’s reed growing right over there. Is it normal for reed to grow up this high on a mountain?” Fuck the growing habits of reed, Hidan felt oddly upset for some reason and needed to direct his inner turmoil at a target that wouldn’t get harmed by it. 

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders, looking unimpressed. “We’re not actually that high up.”

“We aren’t?”

“No. It only looks like it because of the thin vegetation: The place is barren because the soil went sour some time ago.”

“…went sour?”

“Went barren. Lost its nutrients. Or however you’re supposed to call it. The point is: These days barely anything grows around here anymore.”

“…I see?” Hidan said, finally finding the energy to let go of Zetsu’s coat. It was laughable how deeply that means of travel (the fear to lose the ability to breathe!) was still upsetting him; he knew exactly it held no actual danger.

Zetsu made a confirming noise, starting to walk towards the lake. “The earth went sour due to some ninjutsu going wrong around this place. Nothing grows here anymore, not enough for cattle to eat, let alone fields to grow. And there’s nothing worthy to hunt either, so humans don’t come to this place. It holds nothing worth of usage.”

Of usage, huh? Hidan looked around. It was true, some greyish looking grass aside, barely anything grew around here. But in its own right the entire area held a gloomy beauty. Some outlandish looking shrubbery had found means to grow after all, displaying blooms carrying the deep rich red you would see when striking an artery. And around the lake some ghostly looking swamp plants had settled in, bringing spots of green and dark brown onto this forlorn canvas. 

Following Zetsu down towards the lake Hidan took a deep breath, noticing how light his chest had started to feel. This affected soil aside, air in the mountains had to be different from air in the city, might that be it? “I like it here”, Hidan announced, finally having caught up to Zetsu. 

Zetsu slowed down his step, so Hidan could keep up more easily. “I always found the calmness of this place delightful. I’m glad you like it here.”

“How did you find the place?” It was so isolated after all!

“Uh, how did I find it? Moving around the greater area, when we changed the base? I always like to know where I am, exactly.”

“But this here is some way outside of our current place, no?”

“You only can be sure about where you are if you’re aware of the neighbouring areas”, Zetsu said, sounding almost impatient. The typical tone his cynical side would display when getting confronted with a question he found the answer to be obvious.

To his own surprise Hidan didn’t feel himself getting annoyed with it. The contrary, it was almost endearing how quickly the cynical side tended to get irritated. Like a grumpy guard dog or something. “I get it, I get it.” Now Zetsu was glaring at him. “Ah, come on, I can’t move around as quickly as you can, so I can’t check out neighbouring areas that effortlessly.”

“Well…”

“In any case, it’s cool you found this place.” Having reached the shore Hidan gave a thoughtful look to the surface of the lake. “Are there any fish living in there?”

“Never saw any. I sometimes hear frogs though.”

“Frogs!”

“And there are all kind of tiny creatures… dragonflies and those water bugs who walk on the surface of the water.”

“Oh! Those!”

Zetsu came to a halt next to him, first looking at the surface of the water and then at Hidan. “I know it looks kind of desolate up here. But no one ever comes up here, so I thought it was a safe place to go for now.”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s not raining and it’s calm that was all what I had been hoping for. Plus, there’s a real lake!” Hidan felt a solid smile spreading through his face, trying to tone it down a bit but unable to do so. It was just, he didn’t know why, but he was suddenly feeling so relieved. Refreshed. Like a leaden weight that had expanded around his mind since aeons had suddenly left, making him realize he had been tied down to begin with. It was funny how sometimes you wouldn’t notice at all that you actually felt like absolute shit, as long as those gloomy thoughts and feelings would just arrived slow enough that you weren’t realizing they were piling up to begin with. 

Zetsu gave him a very intense, very silent look. Like he was measuring something in his mind. Then a concerned dust behind his eyes slowly started to fade. “Well, if you like it here, it’s good then.”

Hidan nodded, accentuating his point by sitting down, right here on the ground. The earth here was dry and there was lots of that grey grass growing around the shore, so sitting down here felt actually kind of comfortable. “Sorry. I just didn’t feel like standing anymore.”

Staying silent Zetsu followed Hidan’s example, sitting down right next to him. Still not saying anything his gaze got distant, wandered beyond the lake, towards the slope softly leading down into what must have been some kind of valley. 

Hidan couldn’t stay still any longer: “Is there a valley or thing over there?”

“Yes. It’s all devoid of bigger vegetation too; the earth around the entire mountain went sour.” 

“I see. So, it’s really calm here then.”

“Yes. As far as I managed to find out, the people of the wider area consider this mountain cursed.” 

“Cursed!” Hidan huffed, letting the information sink in. This place didn’t feel cursed, it just felt very tired. Like it needed some time alone, to get its energy back. To find new strength. If something was truly cursed, if felt different. Hidan would have known; dealing with the calming strength Jashin-sama’s power carried he knew these days how to spot the difference. Not knowing how to address any of this he simply changed the subject: “You come up here often?”

Zetsu scratched the nape of his neck, looking at the thinly growing reed plants softly swaying in the breeze. “When I have some spare time. And when I feel like I need some silence.” It had been his sweet side speaking, the doubt filled hesitation of his voice so unlike anything the cynical side tended to display. When that one facet felt doubt it grew fierce and strict, not hesitant. 

And sometimes, sometimes Zetsu got very, very cold. Almost icy. Like the clear kind of snow that would pile up on a mountain in the deepest of winter, acting like a wall to keep the world out of the place. 

“I bet you don’t have the chance to come up here as often as you would like to”, Hidan finally stated. 

Next to him Zetsu stayed silent, shrugging his shoulders. It might have been Hidan’s imagination, but he had the impression the movement had caused them to sit a bit closer together now. “I never got the feeling that this place here is cursed”, Zetsu said. 

Hidan felt an impulsive grin show up on his face. “I’m thinking the same! Actually, it’s really nice here.”

“It is.”

Somewhere near them a frog started to make some noise, confirming its presence but staying out of sight. The breeze around them had gotten lighter, moving through the reeds almost in silence. 

When Hidan started talking he couldn’t say what had made him give in to the impulse of following his curiosity: “Do you often bring other people up here?”

“I always go alone.” Zetsu hadn’t sounded surprised. He had also sounded like the mere idea of bringing someone else with him went somewhat against the idea of coming up here to begin with. 

Hidan let his gaze stay strictly on the surface of the lake. “But despite of this you brought me up here with you. So, does this mean I’m special then?”

In the corner of his eye he could see Zetsu sitting up more upright, straightening his back. “Yes. Yes, I’d say you are. Special. To me.”

The unseen frog was still making noise, luckily. 

Hidan blinked, trying to ignore how hot his face had started to feel. Maybe, oh, maybe it was still his fever acting up. It seemed like it had lessened for good, but maybe, oh, maybe the clear air of the mountain was fuelling it on. Or something. Slouching down Hidan leaned sideways, leaning against Zetsu’s side. “Let me rest my head a bit, okay? It’s spinning.”

“Is your fever acting up again?”

“My fever? Maybe. Yes, maybe it’s acting up. A bit.”

“That’s no good then.” Zetsu laid his arm around Hidan’s waist, movement tentative and full of doubt, echoing the way his voice had sounded just earlier. The leaves of his summon opened, angling to the side, revealing his shoulder. Hidan took immediate advantage of it by letting his head rest against Zetsu’s, before that stupid plant shield could come back and hide Zetsu away from him. 

“It’s already feeling better”, Hidan said softly, resisting the urge to rub his head against Zetsu’s. Maybe this place was cursed after all, it tried tempting Hidan into acting reckless. Instead he reached out and took Zetsu’s free hand. The one not holding him, the black one, the right one. It felt as warm and damp as Hidan’s entire face felt by now. 

To Hidan’s distress the frog had stopped making noise entirely, leaving them with nothing but the soft whispering of the breeze moving through the reed. Stupid frog, abandoning him like that!

Hidan tightened his grip on Zetsu’s hand, finding that since a while his restless gaze had gotten stuck on it. It was all dark, black like a piece of the night sky. “You have beautiful hands.”

Next to him he could feel Zetsu growing all tense, the hold of his arm around Hidan getting stronger. “I wouldn’t know.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I know.” Next to him he could feel how Zetsu was starting to relax again, the mental shield around him softening up. After a long moment of hesitation he continued “I still wouldn’t know. Back home, my other teammate would use to say that I look as if someone had stitched parts of two dead bodies together.”

Hidan snapped his head around, looking at Zetsu. What the… what a horrible thing to say! What kind of asshole said shit like that?! Dead bodies?! How?!

Zetsu freed his hand out of Hidan’s hold (slowly, softly), pointing with his thumb first at the white side of his face, then at the black one. “Like when they go all pale right after death. And then when they turn black, once they start to decompose.” A sad smile had appeared on Zetsu’s face that looked devoid of any self-awareness whatsoever. It seemed like a distant echo of a parallel universe where Zetsu’s mind wasn’t split apart, was remaining as a whole, though to what reason that impression appeared Hidan couldn’t say. 

The next moment Hidan found it hard to breath and that even though the air up here on the mountain was so clear and clean. Odd. “Ah, fuck whatever asshole says shit like that. You look fine the way you are.”

“A sight of this sort is, admittedly, unusual.”

“I said everything’s fine! You look fine! Fuck them!” Hidan huffed. “Is that teammate of yours still alive?” Screw anyone making Zetsu look sad like this!

“Ended up a causality, when I left the village.”

“Good! Otherwise I would have had them sacrificed to Jashin-sama!”

Hearing this Zetsu lowered his gaze, the sad smile on his face intensifying. The sight made Hidan’s chest heavy, making him feel all small and insignificant, an echo of how it had felt lying blown into pieces in that shitty hole in the ground. Making him feel that no matter what he tried he would never be able to achieve a change, would eternally fail to make the conditions he was stuck in improve. 

The frog was still silent, seemingly no longer feeling the need to make noise. Due to whatever reasons frogs made noise or didn’t in the first place. And Hidan was really bad when it came to dealing with heavy silences. So he started talking, despite not being sure that was a wise decision right now: “Listen, give me a smack or stuff in case I’m being too nosy right now, but: Is the appearance of your skin connected to your bloodline limit? To your eyes, I mean?”

Zetsu didn’t look offended by the question. The contrary, he looked almost relieved to hear it. His gaze staying fixed to the ground he started talking: “No. Everyone else in my family had normal skin. And it’s not tied to the plant summon either.”

Hidan’s head tilted to the side. So that meant…

Zetsu’s gaze was staying fixed on the ground. “I was just born looking repulsive like that, for no specific reason. An unspectacular case of having bad luck.” Raising his head he looked towards the valley. “Maybe it is some kind of recessive gene connected to the eyes after all. In that case, no one bothered to let me know.” Zetsu let hear a short and joyless laugh. “Would explain at least why everyone always acted more resigned than surprised.”

“I don’t think you look repulsive at all.”

A sharp gleam glared up in Zetsu’s eyes, a sign his cynical side was about to speak: “You’re in the minority then. You know, people always avoided it when they needed to touch me for some reason. There seems to be a widespread visceral refusal to deal with unusual looking skin. I suspect it is an old instinct rooted in the danger of picking up some contagious condition. Think of the plague or scabies for example.” Zetsu’s voice had sounded completely emotionless and detached, leaving no indication he was doing anything other than stating simple facts instead of revealing the most depressing implications. 

Hidan huffed, beginning to feel a desperate reluctance. “Sometimes being in the minority is the good thing to be. Look around you, no Jashinist near to see but me. It’s the best religion in the world and yet I’m surrounded by heathens. Odd, but true.”

Zetsu looked at Hidan, one of those barriers build up around his eyes starting to crumble. “Odd, but true. Apparently.” 

“Not apparently, truly so!”, Hidan insisted, accentuating his point by leaning in closer, letting his head rest against Zetsu’s shoulder. If that shield plant was away right now, Hidan intended to make good use of that absence. 

“Fine, I give up. I see reason.”, Zetsu sighed, the soft voice of his sweet facet talking.

“Perfect.”

“Is… is your fever still acting up?”

Trying to get himself under control again Hidan made sure to let his voice sound even. “I’m fine. I’m good.”

“In that case: Want to stay here some more then?”

“I sure want to.” Suddenly feeling cautious Hidan reached over, taking Zetsu’s black hand into his own again, holding it gently. “You’re aware I can’t say no to you when your sweet side is asking like this, right?”

Maybe he had managed to pick the wrong words after all. Next to him Zetsu went still, asking with a quiet voice: “Is it really alright to stay some more?” It had been his cynical side talking, making a bad job in trying to appear indifferent to the answer to this question. 

Giving in to an earlier urge Hidan rubbed his head against Zetsu’s shoulder, noticing with content how Zetsu was leaning in further into the movement. “It’s alright, it’s fine. It’s nice up here. And most important, I’m here with you together.” It was the truth. As long as they were just together, it felt as if things around them had at least the potential to turn out fine again. 

Somewhere on the shore of the lake the frog from earlier started making noise again. The sound spread through the place, intensifying the impression that this mountain wasn’t cursed at all but just needed some time to rest and rebuild its energy.


	11. Spilled Words

Kisame sighed, leaning over the scroll and changing the seal yet again. “I think that might fix it.” Activating the newly adjusted seal in that specific corner of their roof, he turned towards Zetsu: “How is it now?”

Zetsu stepped closer, testing the stability of the seal using his shifting jutsu. “Much better. It's more stable when looking through it but there's still some sound spilling out.”

Kisame groaned, slouching slightly together. “At least it's improving, huh?”

“It is.”

“Let's keep this going then... let me try something different though, I have an idea for another approach.” With this he leaned over the scroll, the disappointment on his face gradually getting replaced by pure concentration.

Zetsu let his gaze wander, looking into the distance. It had already become night around them, the lights of the town shining bright around them. It had gotten late but it was supposed to stay dry the entire night, with steady rain announced to come in tomorrow morning. So, screw the hour, they had decided to use this rainless spot to install the newer, more stable seals.

Kisame was still brooding over the scroll. He had succeeded finding a good base of seals to protect this entire building from getting detected, but the finer details always needed so much time to get right.

Forced to wait for the next seal to get tested, Zetsu's mind started wandering. Against his will. If his thoughts were left alone these days they would always start to gnaw at the same subject, at the same doubts and insecurities attached to it.

Seeing how Kisame was still in the middle of brooding of how to get the next seal ready, Zetsu sat down on the bench, the one standing right next to the sunspot blush shrubbery. The very same bench he and Hidan hat sat on and talked about that very same plant in question.

The next moment Zetsu went tense, inwardly scolding himself. He was supposed to stop pondering over the matter, not getting obsessed over it again!

Fuelled on by a relentless energy he closed the leaves of his summon further, just to open it wider, the nervous habit winning its desire to manifest. He had to stop getting distracted by all of this, he really had to.

But spending time with Hidan was so much fun. It made feel Zetsu accepted and welcome. 

Since when had Zetsu following something he enjoyed ended in a good outcome? Ever! Hidan would forget him like everyone else ever had.

Now he made it sound like Hidan was insincere here. Lying. That wasn't the case though. Hidan was the kind of liar opting to go for quick insincerities during the heat of a moment, impulsive words quickly spoken. He was not the type of person to hold up constant or carefully constructed lies. At all. 

No, no one had claimed Hidan was not telling the truth when it came to the subject in question. It was simply a matter of being realistic and having an objective look at the situation. The thing was, Hidan was hurt. Recovering not only physically but also mentally. Right now, he relied on Zetsu for support. Once he would feel better, he would find less and less time to spend with him. He would get distracted and set his priorities differently. 

No, he wasn't lying! The other day, when they had been on that mountain together, he had enjoyed spending time with Zetsu. He had said so himself!

Because he was lonely! He had lost someone important to him, permanently, and still wasn’t in a state to return to his old routine in the organisation, instead being forced to spend all of his time at the base until he would be in a state to go on operations again. Of course Hidan felt lonely like this and got attached to the person spending most time with him. It wasn't even a matter of blaming anyone! It was simply the most rational course of action to stop having any unrealistic expectations.

And that meant being pessimistic by default?

That meant learning from past experiences. Just look what had happened with Deidara. He was still polite and everything but now he had regained control over his arms, he had already stopped thinking about Zetsu.

Deidara was Deidara. Hidan was Hidan. Why compare them to begin with? Deidara hadn't claimed to like spending time with Zetsu.

Because since always Zetsu had learned from what had went wrong in his life to ensure he didn’t make the same stupid mistake twice. And though it would have been wonderful to believe Hidan might be different, it was best to stay cautious.

That's why. That's what.

“Zetsu?”

That’s why? That sounded bleak and hopeless, that’s what!

Staying cautious didn't mean you claimed nothing could ever change for the better. It simply meant you weren't ready to put trust in easy and quick solutions. Tempting solutions leading you into a deeper layer of doom. 

“Zetsu.”

That one time they had went on the mountain together had been awfully beautiful though. Sometimes, if there was silence expanding around him, he could still feel the echo of Hidan taking his hand and conforming Zetsu's daring decision to put his arms around Hidan as the right choice, by leaning into the embrace further. And Zetsu kept wondering if Hidan felt like going to that lake again or if he had only enjoyed the place that day due to his cabin fever intensifying. Maybe under normal circumstances he would find that mountain too bleak after all.

“Getting sleepy, huh? I'm starting to feel tired as well”, Kisame announce, sitting down on the bench, next to Zetsu.

Slightly twitching together in surprise, Zetsu turned his head. Only now he realized that the soft noise he had started to hear had been Kisame trying to get his attention. “Um, tired, yes. Sorry.”

Kisame shook his head, slightly smiling. “I'm going to be so glad once we're done here.”

“Yes. Being finished already would be best.”

“But let's be glad it's not raining now. That would be the most bothersome. It’s one thing to travel while it’s raining, but installing seals during this weather?”

“You're right, let's be glad it isn't raining now.” Zetsu stood up, hoping that would distract enough from how lost in thought he had just been. He hadn't been talking out loud, hadn't he? He sometimes ended up saying things aloud when he was caught by surprise but when he was arguing inwardly like just right now then he usually did so silently. It should be fine; Zetsu tended to keep silent during such situations. 

Kisame nodded, standing up again too. “I think I found new options to make the base structure of the seal stronger. Right here and here”, he said, gesturing to the nearest corner of the roof.

Making an agreeing noise Zetsu went over there, starting to test the strength of the seal by using his shifting jutsu once again. Yes, he needed to concentrate right now! It was completely laughable how distracted he had become recently. All because... all because of some unexpected feelings had starting to behave in the most unexpected ways.

For now he needed to pull himself together, shoving all emotion aside and focusing at the task at hand. Something he actually should have been able to do by now.

And besides: Shoving your feelings aside in a moment you couldn't afford to deal with them didn't mean you were erasing them. It only meant you adapted to the circumstances of the moment.

Because, yes, despite his inner turmoil: There was no use in denying any longer that over the course of the last few weeks he had started to care about Hidan. But accepting that new development didn't mean he had any clue how to deal best with it.

Zetsu tried telling himself it would be wisest to keep his expectations low and count on the fact this entire emotional irregularity wouldn't amount to anything. Hidan seemed to like him well enough, admittedly. But the mere fact he seemed to like listening when Zetsu was telling him about things like the plants up here in his accidental makeshift garden, or Hidan giving him icons depicting saints of his religion (why had he done that?! His God was so important to him, and then he had gone and done that!) didn't mean his feelings went any deeper than this.

And yet, despite of this rationalization, a part if Zetsu's mind couldn't help but to have hope. Measly, misleading hope. The rotting kind that had infected his mind more than once and never had ended in anything else than soul crushing disappointment.

Zetsu wasn't stupid. He knew he could rationalize away and explain the reasons people felt reluctant to come too close to someone like him, to the kind signalising with every fragment of his body and mind that he was different: Someone perceived as defective ended up being avoided, treated as something contagious and icky. Because as much as people loved to pretend that beauty laid in the eyes of the beholder, the truth was that most beholders had a very shallow gaze. His own parents had felt repulsed whenever having needed to touch his skin for some reason (their words tried to deny the fact but their eyes had given it all away), how could he expect from a stranger to feel more acceptance about the matter then?

All he wanted was to forget about it all, but he couldn’t help but starting to hear the sentiments that had been thrown into his way while growing up in Hidden Grass: His parents insisting that what made him different was an inconvenience, meaning they expected him to invest energy to lessen how it affects his surroundings. (Please pretend you don’t exist.) The village leadership insisting that being a good shinobi and citizen meant to carry the burden for others as those above the lower ones had the right to pass along their pain. (Please be a good scapegoat.) The message of the spiritual part of the village being, that the reason someone was different was, because they had done something wrong in their past life and were now carrying the punishment for it: So, don’t complain; it’s your own fault. (Don’t bother asking for sympathy; you’re not getting any.)

Those had been the echoes of the grass, getting repeated from countless sources into his ears like a mindless mantra. 

Zetsu was getting sick of these memories, trying to suppress them. There were more important things going on at the moment: “Kisame? I think the issue with making things soundproof is fixed in this corner. But let's cause some more noise just to be sure.”

“Honestly? Great! Thank god you're around, testing these seals otherwise would take entire ages”, Kisame said, a tired but genuine smile showing up on his face.

Zetsu felt himself smile back, even though he was feeling as tired as Kisame looked. 

Most people ended up avoiding him, yes, but he somehow had managed to find a small bunch who didn't take issue with his true nature. At least not too much, accepting him enough to feel ready to see what laid beyond his defects. He should just appreciate this and stop obsessing over possibilities that had no room but in dreams and hopes.

He would focus on the task at hand, helping Kisame.

And for the rest of the night this plan seemed to succeed.

It was in the earliest hour of dawn, when they finally had been done installing those new seals, when his resolve was shaken. Once Zetsu had returned into the building, a suddenly opened door in the corridor he was passing through was enough to send his mind into uproar again.

“There was so much noise. Is everything alright?”

Zetsu froze, mind going blank. All he had been thinking about right now, was how much he just wanted to go to bed and sleep and then... Unable to think of any words his gaze got stuck at Hidan, who apparently had just stumbled out of bed. Sleeping T-shirt dishevelled, hair completely messy. 

“Everything is fine. Kisame and I were just strengthening the concealment seals for the place.” There, if you didn’t know what to say, you could just state plain facts. 

Hearing this the concerned look disappeared from Hidan’s face. “Oh. Oh, that, yes. You mentioned something the other day.” He leaned against the doorframe, absentmindedly brushing his hand through his hair. 

“Yes. Those seals only work to conceal towards the outside though, not the inside, hence you would have been able to hear it all.”

“Well, just this! I heard you and got concerned.” 

Zetsu forced himself to tear his gaze away, realizing it kept lingering at the spot the collar of Hidan’s T-shirt had shifted this much that it was revealing his collar bone. Hidan had very nice looking collarbones and the fact he tended to reveal them often did nothing to lessen their appeal.

“No need for concern. We just got finished.”

“But it’s morning.”

“Yes.”

“You two were up all night.” It hadn’t been a question, a remark sounding as if Hidan hadn’t been fully aware he had been making it. Slightly wavering he leaned in further against the door frame. 

“We were. We needed to use the opportunity; rain will be incoming soon.” Zetsu made a step closer, searching for Hidan’s eyes. “And you should go back to sleep. Are you feeling your fever again?”

Hidan held Zetsu’s gaze for a long second, looking slightly confused, as if he needed a moment to let the words sink in. “I’m... just tired, I guess.”

“You look a bit feverish.”

An embarrassed smile showed up on Hidan’s face. “No need to sound so worried.”

But Zetsu was worried. He allowed himself to be worried; it made his infatuation towards Hidan seem less irrational and added a piece of logic to it. “Back to bed with you. Before you faint again.”

“That happened once! One single time only!”

“Yes. And it had happened because you had stood up too hastily, insisting you were just fine.”

“I give up”, Hidan sighed, shuffling back towards his bed.

Zetsu came a step closer, just to stress his point. And because he had a reason to, he never had made a secret that he was feeling concerned. “I’m glad you see reason.”

Hidan huffed, his embarrassed smile from earlier returning. “Reason? Well, it’s just, you’re the heathen with the most common sense around here. It’s all there is to it.”

Heathen, yes... Zetsu paused. Despite Hidan’s words, the other day he had given Zetsu the print of that icon. The picture depicting a saint of his religion. And after listening how Hidan had talked about the story behind the saint in question, this Saint Iargeh seemed to mean much to him. And he had wanted Zetsu to have an icon of him. “Actions mean more than mere words.”

Sitting back on the bed Hidan gave him a questioning look. “Huh?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking out aloud.” Yes, actions meant more than words. But just because Hidan seemed to feel affection towards Zetsu now didn’t mean that this couldn’t change back. Hidan’s loneliness might have shaped into this form because he didn’t know any better. Because he still lacked information. 

Zetsu slightly lowered his gaze, unable to look Hidan into the eyes anymore but unwilling to stop looking at his face. Sometimes Zetsu gave in to an impulse and started telling Hidan some personal information about himself, despite knowing better. The kind of issues he usually avoided addressing: Partially because talking about happenings that laid way back in the past felt kind of pointless and insignificant, regardless if thinking about them still had the potential to hurt. Partially because burdening Hidan with the weight they held and like this spoiling whatever brittle connection had developed between them felt kind of invasive. 

And partially because often Zetsu genuinely didn’t know how to bring these things up: Topics that should be easy to talk about, at least for most other people: His time before he had left the village, the time at the academy, how life in the village had felt, everything concerning his family: All of these points were infected with bad memories and experiences, which made talking about them kind of difficult: Causing the feeling he always had to keep things vague, because every question going into the depth of it was bringing the danger of forcing him to reveal some awkwardly painful truth. 

Sticking to mere facts might be good when lacking an answer, but in Zetsu’s case this pragmatic advice held the danger of revealing details no one had actually asked about. (Not to mention that those details weren’t anyone’s business and he was sick to his stomach of being a source of gossip and cautionary tales. He had experienced enough of this in Hidden Grass.)

It was the irony of the situation his eyes held the ability to record happenings around him in the most objective manner, while all he was wishing for was to forget about every uncomfortable memory. To erase entire years and decades and instead having the luxury to worry about nothing but the present.

He sometimes wondered if waking up with amnesia one day, being unable to recall anything about his former life, would have resulted in his mind merging together as one again. He sometime wondered but he usually stopped wondering fast. One of the mere facts of his life was that Zetsu was terrified of the concept of his mind merging back as one; it felt too much like the danger of forgetting about his self, it felt too much like disappearing out of existence entirely. 

Zetsu took a deep breath, the first rays of sunlight streaming through the windows making him feel oddly exposed. 

Some changes that had developed you couldn’t turn back by force. That people would reject you due to those changes didn’t make that less true. He still couldn’t look Hidan into the eyes: “If you ever want to have that icon of Saint Iargeh back, you just need to tell me.”

Hidan angled his head, looking utterly confused. “Why would I... it was a present, I told you!”

“I mean, just in case.”

“I’m not one of those assholes who just give presents to people so they can ask for something back. I’m not one of those calculating fuckers”, Hidan said, beginning to sound offended. No, not offended. Hurt.

“I’m... sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that. I really didn’t. It’s just, if you ever feel you need it back, for some reason.”

“I gave it to you so you had a piece of Jashin-sama with you. So he can watch over you more easily.” Hidan turned away his head, nervously combing his fingers through his hair. “So you would be protected by him. I want you to have it!”

“That’s... I do appreciate it. I really do. I just thought, just in case.” 

“I wanted you to have it”, Hidan insisted, looking up with a defiant gleam in his eyes.

“Thank you.”

For a moment Hidan hesitated. Then he continued: “It’s not an accusation or stuff, but: Why did you think I would want to have it back?”

Feeling like getting hit by an invisible punch to his gut Zetsu avoided his gaze, staring at the floor. “No specific reason. I was just thinking.” Thinking that Hidan would come to the conclusion having Zetsu close was too much of a hassle once he knew the entire scope of fucked-upness he was dealing with. Frankly, it was a miracle he had been patient for so long. Zetsu shouldn’t expect it to last just because they had held hands once.

“Thinking? Thinking about what?”

Shaking his head Zetsu intended to shuffle closer to the door, just to see that it had fallen shut. When had if fallen shut?! Great. “No specific reason, I’m telling you.”

Hidan huffed and from his demeanour Zetsu could feel that he had no intention to let the matter go that easily. His voice sounded hurt again when he started speaking: “I don’t get it. What have I done wrong this time? At least tell me, so I know what I fucked up.”

Zetsu’s head snapped up, meeting Hidan’s gaze fully now, practically against his will: “You’ve done nothing wrong! I never said that!”

“Doesn’t look like it. What’s wrong this time? Is it still about that one time I ended up crying like a pussy? Or am I getting too clingy? Just tell me!”

“It’s nothing.” Zetsu knew he had done a mistake even before he had finished his sentence.

He expected Hidan to snap at him. Or to start shouting profanities. What he hadn’t expected was to see him crumble together, all energy leaving his posture. When he broke the silence between them, Hidan sounded very quiet: “The lot of you always bitch around that I talk too much nonsense and everything. But how is the opposite any better? You never tell me anything, not enough. I mean, you obviously don’t have to. But don’t start bitching then if I end up saying something wrong by accident, that’s all I’m saying.”

Zetsu shook his head. “I wasn’t blaming you.”

“You’re really good at talking without saying anything, you know that?” Hidan had sounded resigned, tired. 

“If it’s any comfort for you to know, I’m not feeling happy about that either. If I had someone to talk to, I would do just that.” Zetsu had no idea what exactly he had meant with that. The sentiment had shaped itself out of an exhaustion that laid deep in his mind, the kind of tiredness that had nothing to do with having been up this entire night. 

But the next moment he knew that he had fucked up. That he had slipped and had stopped being careful enough. Hidan looked up at him, hurt getting slowly but very solidly replaced with a clear realisation. Maybe he knew by now. If Zetsu had noticed anything during the last few weeks, then that Hidan possessed far more insight than a quick glance at the surface might let one assume.

When Hidan started talking he sounded tense and cautious: “Who are you?”

It was exactly the kind of question Zetsu had expected. And dreaded. He felt a defiant fog spreading through his chest and hated himself for it, despite of this already thinking of something to say that would distract and mislead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually try to avoid cliffhangers. Except for today. Today we’re doing a cliffhanger.


	12. Can’t I Even Dream

Hidan felt a freezing tension crawl down his spine. “Who are you?”

The eyes meeting his didn't waver, their yellow colour flaring up, slowly, daringly, like a flame gaining power. “Are you assuming Kisame felt like dressing up as me? I'm sorry to disappoint you, I'm still myself.”

“That's not what I meant.”

The gaze he was met with went cold, an icy fire not waning under pressure but getting fuelled on by it.

But Hidan didn't feel like faltering either, his resolve strengthened by the odd impression the situation was not unlike praying to Jashin-sama, bringing up energy for the sake of someone else beside himself. “You're not the cynical one and you're not the sweet one either. You're someone third.”

The icy glare on Zetsu's face remained but when he started talking he sounded almost resigned: “So, you noticed after all.”

Not knowing what to say Hidan only nodded. Of course he had. After having spent so much time with him, he knew the difference when either facet was in charge of Zetsu’s body. “I started noticing when it's you”, he finally said.

The comment earned him an irritated glare. Seeing it made part of his tension leave, funnily. Getting a reaction out of Zetsu was much better than getting frozen under that distant stare.

“It was not like I was making an effort to pay attention to it or anything. I mean, I didn't want to be rude with it.”

Hearing this Zetsu let hear a sigh, the cautious shadow on his face making room for resignation. He sat down on the bed, next to Hidan. “Let me have some space. I've been up all night.”

Hidan scooted nearer to the wall, realising his own tension was disappearing, deciding on its own whatever facet Zetsu displayed gave no reason to be concerned about his own safety. “Up? Because you were helping Kisame out?”

“Yes. Like this.”

For a moment Hidan hesitated. Then he decided to give in to his urge, Zetsu would notice if he attempted to hide something away from him anyway: “Who of you exactly was helping Kisame? Were you already… in control then?”

Zetsu's eyes widened, slightly. He didn't look surprised hearing the question though. “I took over about halfway through it.”

“Did Kisame notice anything?”

“He didn't bring it up. But I get the impression he's starting to suspect something.”

Absentmindedly Hidan's hand wandered to the pendant of his necklace, searching for stability, familiarity. The necklace was a new one but the pendant attached to it was the same, had stayed with him during the eternity he had spent trapped below the surface of this world. “One last thing though. Say: Since when have you started being around exactly? In the general sense, I mean.”

“Curious today, aren’t we?” Zetsu's voice had sounded icy. He turned his head away, towards the window that was showing the first traces of morning. “It's been rather recently.”

“I see.”

“Well.”

Hidan way still clutching his pendant, trying to sound as indifferent as possible: “Do the other two know you're around?” Hidan just needed to know. With the cynical and the sweet aspects this question didn't even come up: They were constantly switching place, even interacting with each other, acknowledging the other. But this icy new one, he had been in charge alone the entire morning. He always was alone, on his own. 

Avoiding his gaze again, a shadow cast itself over Zetsu's face. “They can hear me right now. They know I'm here.”

“I just mean because the entire time it's only been you talking.”

Hidan knew he had said the wrong thing even before Zetsu started talking, disdain on his face apparent: “Well, someone has to go through the trouble and clean up the messy fallout, don't they?!” He straightened his back, not leaning in a centimetre further but not retreating either. 

Hidan couldn't pin down why that was, but suddenly it appeared to him more logical than ever that Zetsu eating people was not some kind of anomaly but a harmonic state his nature was supposed to dwell in. Just like it felt logical Hidan needed to drink human blood to carry out Jashin's will in the full form was another thing that was supposed to be.

Feeling his body freeze into compliance Hidan just kept staring, not turning his gaze away from Zetsu's face. “I thought that is what cynical you is there for?”

Zetsu's sudden anger deflated, as fast as it had grasped him in its claws. Letting hear another sigh he slouched down, tiredness on his face becoming clear. “Why am I talking with you about this? I've been up the entire night to help Kisame with his seals, I just should have gone straight to bed.”

“I've been nosy. Sorry.” 

Zetsu shook his head, beginning to look exhausted for real. “No one’s been blaming you. It’s okay.”

Hidan nodded, laying down into bed again. It was so early, despite the sun already being up, and he was still so sleepy. Despite of everything he still couldn’t stay silent. “Um, ‘cleaning away the fallout’, huh?”

A new veil of annoyance laid itself over Zetsu’s posture. He remained sitting slouched down but the light behind his eyes flared up again. “Someone has to.”

Someone had to. In Hidan’s case it was usually no one but himself going through the effort. It was definitely only himself since Kakuzu had died. No one there anymore to ensure his chopped off head got sewn back to his body. Or the like. “Someone has to, yes.” Hidan got startled himself how shaky his own voice had just sounded. 

The light in Zetsu’s eyes stayed focused but the sharpness around his glare started melting away. “I’m the one that should apologize. Sorry for this entire bad surprise.”

The wording left Hidan completely baffled. “Why bad surprise?”

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders, starting to pick at the blanket, brushing his fingertips over the fabric. “You thought you were only dealing with the other two. You had no way knowing I was about to show up.” Zetsu’s voice didn’t waver but in an odd way his tone seemed to mirror the way Hidan had just sounded himself. 

Feeling his puzzlement increase Hidan leaned up on his elbow, starting to feel a slight alarm. “Zetsu? I always knew your mind was split apart. You’re still yourself, so?”

“You never knew I was here as well. That’s ‘so’.”

“So your mind is split into three instead of two. You’re still you, I just told you.”

Zetsu stayed silent, giving Hidan a stare that seemed to last aeons. “It’s not as easy as you make it sound. I’m not that easy.”

“I told you: You’re still yourself as far as I’m concerned.” Hidan failed keeping the impatient offence out of his voice. He hadn’t claimed the matter to be easy to begin with! But it wasn’t that complicated to grasp a concept either!

Still meeting Hidan’s gaze, Zetsu let hear an absentminded sigh. “It’s... ‘myself’ is complicated.”

Hidan huffed, trying to ignore the leaden sadness spreading through his chest. “Complicated? You know what’s complicated? Our praying rules. I mean, you see what I’m going through alone on a daily basis, with no special offering or the like.”

For a second Zetsu looked baffled. Then he started laughing, slightly, silently. The sudden impulse was enough to erase his exhaustion for the moment.

“No, honestly! I can show you the scriptures!”

“Scriptures?”

“It’s all standing there, in detail. We have special rules for religious holidays and the like, you know? Not only praying rules, eating restrictions during such times as well.”

Zetsu shook his head, still quietly laughing. 

Hidan felt a smile show up on his own face. Jashin’s rules made it very clear that it was a sin to play oblivious when confronted with the clear pain of a fellow human being. There was no rule saying you were obliged to help them make it better, but denying it was there to begin with was a sin. Still: Looking how the worry was slowly starting to leave Zetsu’s face, Hidan knew Jashin-sama would have approved Hidan’s attempts to lessen this pain he was getting confronted with.


	13. Nothing to Regret

The rain kept falling outside of the window, spreading a steady noise. To think that a bit earlier the sky had actually been clear enough so the rising sun had been able to shine clearly through the window, Hidan thought, turning his head. His gaze wandered towards the clock standing on the bedside table. It was still early morning but he hadn’t been able to fall back asleep once everything had went quiet again. But that didn’t mean he felt like standing up either. 

Yes, after all he was still recovering, wasn’t he? It would be sensible to stay in bed for a bit longer, right? It would, Hidan decided, turning around and looking at the sleeping form of Zetsu lying right next to him. Feeling his restlessness leave, Hidan just kept looking. Asleep like this, it seemed like all of his previous worries had fallen away from Zetsu, drenching him in peaceful sleep. Even the leaves of his summon looked at peace, halfway opened and relaxed.

He had just fallen asleep like this, from one moment to another. And it was good that he had done so, after being up all night to deal with those seals. Hidan grabbed the thin blanket he had laid over the two of them, absentmindedly noting how the rain had brought a fresh breeze with it, despite warmer weather having been present the last few days. Yes, it was good Zetsu had fallen asleep; for the reason alone that it had looked to put a real strain on him to talk about... well. About things he didn’t seem comfortable bringing up. 

Hidan understood too well. Sometimes his own mind wandered back to old memories he’d rather forget, and every time that happened he felt the impression intensify that everything in his life didn’t really count as being himself until around the time he had found Jashinism. 

Not necessarily because it had been Jashinism showing him better paths in life. No, if anything it had been the other way around: With his old home dropping its lifestyle as a hidden village, acting as if everything that had been before had been shameful, wrong and in extension the people still valuing their old ways were to be shamed: Around that time he had come to some painful but direly needed realizations. And only because the way he was looking at the world had changed already, had he been able to realize that Jashin-sama’s teachings were a perfect fit for him, it had been like this. 

Outside the sound of thunder echoed through the air. Next to him Zetsu stirred, a shadow laying itself over his eyes, but whatever disturbance had reached him was still letting him sleep. Good. Poor thing was still looking so exhausted. 

Unable to tear his gaze away from the sleeping form next to him, Hidan started to wonder what facet of Zetsu’s personality might be dreaming right now. The one that had been in charge last? The other two, in the synchronized and harmonic way they tended to do everything together? All three of them?

Feeling a chill (the rain really had brought some coldness with it) Hidan arranged the blanket more carefully around the two of them, intending to assure Zetsu could sleep as long as he needed without getting disturbed. A sudden melancholia hit Hidan, heavy and sharp. He had tried letting Zetsu understand that he didn’t mind that this most recent, third facet had shown up, but he wasn’t sure he had succeeded in bringing the sentiment across. The realization started forming in Hidan’s mind that some things couldn’t be proven by words but with actions alone. Or maybe he only had that impression because that’s how things were for him. 

Another thunder roared through the air, this time the source of the noise was located much closer. 

Next to him Zetsu silently stirred, groggily opening his eyes. “Was that thunder?” It had been the cautious voice of his cynical facet talking. 

Hidan nodded in agreement. “It’s just some thunderstorm. Nothing else.”

Realization set into Zetsu’s eyes. “Wait, did I fall asleep, or something?”

“Yes. I mean, you were up all night. Don’t worry. Just keep sleeping.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Accentuating his point Hidan buried himself deeper under the blanket. “It’s actually still early as fuck. Let’s try to sleep some more.”

Zetsu looked like he wanted to say something but then stayed silent. He shrugged his shoulders in a resigned manner, letting his summon disappear the next moment. 

Hidan paused. He knew Zetsu occasionally let his plant disappear when sleeping but had only seen him do so during a few occasions. He had always assumed that he only did this when feeling the circumstances of his surroundings were secure enough. Or something. “It’s still early as fuck, it really is”, Hidan repeated, trying to give his argument more weight. 

Hidan got the feeling the sweet facet had gotten in charge, even before getting the confirmation by Zetsu’s next words: “Feels like it”, he mumbled, avoiding Hidan’s gaze. 

Another thunder rumbled through the place, this time even closer, letting the building shake slightly. 

“You know, I was really happy when you gave me that icon the other day. All of us were. I wasn’t bringing it up because I felt bothered by it.”

Hidan felt himself getting tense, surprised by the sudden change of subject.

“We just were afraid you might end up regretting it”, Zetsu continued. 

“I don’t regret it though.”

“Even now? After all I just told you before?”

Hidan felt a sharp pang expand through his mind, as if the thunder was roaring right inside of him, as if it had arrived there. He couldn’t deal with it. He couldn’t deal with that forlorn expression spreading through Zetsu’s face, especially when it was the sweet side of his that ended up looking this rejected. 

Not thinking much about it, but listening to his nearest impulse, Hidan leaned forward, putting his arms around Zetsu’s shoulders. “Especially now! You’re important to me as well! In case that wasn’t clear!”

“It wasn’t. After all you never said as much”, Zetsu calmly stated, laying his arms around Hidan, tightening their embrace. 

That was... That was... A fact, unfortunately. Maybe Hidan hadn’t been clear enough. But then, putting these things into words was so dumb. It made him feel dumb. Clumsy and useless. “Well, then... then I just make things clearer from now on.” Hidan leaned in further, placing a light kiss on Zetsu’s cheek, right below his eye. “Clearer?”

Zetsu froze, going completely still. “Much better.” He blushed, averting his eyes. Hidan already started assuming he had fucked up after all, that giving in to impulse so freely had been a mistake, when Zetsu added in a quiet voice: “But maybe it would be a good idea if you could still make it a bit clearer? Just to rule out any doubt, I mean.”

Hidan felt his mind go blank. An unleashed urge made him lean in and press another kiss on Zetsu’s temple, starting to nuzzle his nose against his hair. “As if I could resist when you ask like this!” As if. In fact, Hidan felt completely unable to resist when Zetsu was asking like that, especially when his sweet facet was in charge. “Any clearer now?”, Hidan sighed, placing another kiss into Zetsu’s hair.

Zetsu tightened his grip around Hidan, pulling him in closer. “Much better”, he mumbled, voice muffled by how close they were. 

The reality of the situation arrived in Hidan’s mind, making it hard to form any more complicated thoughts, letting his lungs feel heavy. Just a few hours ago everything had felt so bleak and hopeless, as if the uncertainties of the last few weeks were fated to be doomed, no matter what he tried. But now things had somehow turned around again, spreading fragile hope. 

A soft and warm shadow reached Hidan’s cheek, close to the corner of his mouth. Feeling the emptiness spreading through his chest growing in strenght, he leaned in further into the kiss, noticing with relief the gesture made Zetsu linger on. He would have liked nothing more than to turn his head to initiate a proper kiss, but the last traces of an earlier doubt let him hesitate into inactivity, rendering him motionless. 

Outside the breeze intensified into a strong wind, throwing the falling raindrops against the window. 

Trying to get control back over his thoughts, Hidan took Zetsu’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “That’s not rain, that’s half a storm. Bless the fact you and Kisame got finished with those seals earlier.”

“I wouldn’t have liked staying outside in this rain, admittedly.”

Hidan made an agreeing noise, laying his head on Zetsu’s shoulder. After all the plant was gone for now and he intended to make good use of the opportunity. He gripped Zetsu’s hand tighter, refusing to let go of it. 

Hidan couldn’t say for how long they had been lying next to each other, listening to the stable sound of the rain while being content to be in each other’s presence. But when Hidan’s urge to start talking returned, he saw it as a good sign, as a sign his mind was beginning to feel stable again: “You know what? There’s been something Deidara and I have been wondering about.”

“Did you?” Turning his head Zetsu placed a kiss on Hidan’s forehead, a silent confirmation that he was listening. 

“Yes. About the nail polish everyone keeps wearing.”

“Ah. The nail polish, yes.”

“Yes. Everyone was already wearing it when we arrived. So we started wondering how it all started.”

“Oh, that one.” Zetsu moved his free hand, starting to comb his fingers through Hidan’s hair, gently, carefully. “Yes, there’s actually a real story behind it.”

“Tell me!”, Hidan said, leaning his head into the touch, enjoying how warm and soft everything was starting to feel. 

“It really started early. Deidara wasn’t here yet and Orochimaru was still around.”

“Oh, him.”

“Yes, him. So, the thing was that Konan had been in a slump since days.”

“She had been in a slump? Why?”

“We didn’t know and we had the feeling asking wouldn’t have been a good idea. But that one evening, Kisame and I got the idea to try and cheer her up a bit.”

“You two got the idea?”

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders, softly, kissing the spot right above Hidan’s eyebrow. “Well, it wasn’t really a planned idea. It was more like an attempt developed out of the moment, after we’ve had dinner.”

“I see.” Hidan cuddled closer, glad the summon was gone for once. He didn’t mind it being around, usually. But right now were exceptional circumstances.

“So, Kisame and I were trying to cheer her up a bit. And then we somehow ended up painting each other’s nails with her nail polish.”

“Honestly?” Hidan couldn’t help but letting hear a quiet laugh. The mental image... Glorious!

“She found it as hilarious as you do right now so we just let the colour stay. Good memories connected to it and everything.”

“I see.” Oh no, the entire concept was adorable! “So, you and Kisame then? In a joined effort?”

“Yes.” Zetsu started laughing himself, as if the old memory had proven to be too strong. “And the next day, Pain was wearing nail polish as well.”

“Leader did? Was he jealous, or what?”

“Maybe. In fact, we suspected so.” Zetsu was still laughing. “And then Orochimaru had it next and then everyone else.”

Everyone else, huh? “Kakuzu too?” Hidan had tried keeping the sombre edge out of his voice but had failed.

Zetsu went quiet, leaning in further towards Hidan. “Kakuzu too. Together with Sasori, right after Orochimaru.”

“I see.”

“Well.”

Hidan was still holding Zetsu’s hand. He tightened his grip on it further. “That’s all so cute.”

“It happened without intention. More of an accident, really.”

“That makes it even better. I have to tell Deidara about it.” He would find it hilarious, Hidan could already see it. To think the reason everyone felt like painting their nails was because Zetsu and Kisame had been goofing around, it was too good!

“Do that”, Zetsu said, beginning to stroke his thumb over the upper side of Hidan’s hand. “The two of you were wondering about it, after all. You really should tell Deidara.”


	14. Significance of Existence

Hidan told himself that he wasn’t looking for Zetsu. He just wanted to have a look at the roof now those new, more effective seals were installed, judging for himself if they were really strong enough to distract possible enemies from the fact they weren’t looking at a bakery but at an Akatsuki headquarter. And while he was at it, he could give in to his curiosity and check how the plants up there were coming along, if they were all blooming in the meanwhile or whatever. The not so unexpected revelation from yesterday morning hadn’t to do anything at all with him having felt restless since the moment he had woken up today. 

He found Zetsu on the roof, tending to the flowers. Noticing someone entering the place he snapped his head around, demeanour relaxing the moment he recognized Hidan. 

Hidan gestured at those peculiar yellow blooms of that one shrubbery that had managed to catch his attention last time, starting to talk for the sake of just saying something. “Was curious if those were still blooming. Taken summer is slowly but surely getting here. And stuff.”

Zetsu slowly nodded. “As you can see, they are. And will continue to do so, until fall arrives.”

“Oh. Okay. I don’t really know much about flowers. Or other plants, really.” Hidan’s hand went up to the back of his head, awkwardly beginning to comb through the strands. Doing so he could feel his hair was growing back in the places it had needed to be cut off. Maybe it was about time he needed to even out the edges or something, it was probably starting to look really messy. Deidara would return with Kisame some time during this week, maybe it would be okay to ask him to help a bit with that? 

Zetsu nodded, continuing to water the particular plant in question. “You don’t need to know anything about them. That’s what I’m here for after all.” Saying this the leaves of his summon closed slightly, hiding his back away from sight. Maybe it had been a reflex with the sun beginning to burn stronger now it was almost noon. 

Realizing he had run out of words for good, Hidan simply sat down on the bench, looking down at the road that was leading out of this town. In the shadows the ground was still wet and damp from yesterday’s storm, but maybe the sun would get enough force today to dry the road fully for once. You really had a good look at the surroundings from up here. 

“But you know, if you start paying attention to them, it will get easier to understand. Plants are living beings too, after all”, Zetsu added, following Hidan’s line of sight and now looking at the road as well. 

Hidan made an agreeing noise, suppressing the urge to continue brushing his hand through his hair. Listening to the tone of Zetsu’s voice, he was now almost certain it was the new, third persona in control right now. He could see it in the way Zetsu carried his body as well, harsh and upright, as if the icy edge that never seemed to leave that one voice entirely was making him freeze over with a layer of thin ice. As if he was wearing another shield around himself, additional to the plant summon that was still hiding Zetsu halfway away from sight. 

Having given water to the last plant, Zetsu put down the watering can, sitting down next to Hidan. “Unlike me none of these plants up here bite.”

The comment made Hidan laugh, almost despite himself. He felt just so tense, there was no way helping it. Yesterday things had felt so normal and alright but today was well… tense. As if the gravity of what he had heard about yesterday had needed some hours to arrive and settle in properly. Despite his tries to carry on as usual. “Right. You made sure to pick those least likely to cause allergies, you mentioned.”

The leaves of the summon slightly opened, making it look easier to look Zetsu in the eyes directly. “I can’t influence if the other plants around this place cause some sort of reaction, but with the ones located up here directly, I did what I could.”

“That’s very considerate of you.”

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders. “Konan has hay fever. So had Itachi, strongly so.”

“I didn’t know.”

For a moment Zetsu looked like he wanted to say something, but then stayed silent. “Sometimes people have hay fever”, he finally said, voice quiet, lacking almost all of its frost. It was apparent those hadn’t been the words he actually had wanted to say. 

Setting his eyes into the distance again, Hidan only nodded. Only now he noticed a fresh patch of incoming grey clouds arriving in the distance. Maybe the road would get wet again, before it had gotten a chance to dry fully. “It’s you right now again, isn’t it?”

“It’s always ‘me’, no matter how you decide to look at it.” Despite his vague words Zetsu’s voice was still lacking the frost so typical for his icy persona. 

“Yes, I… I know that. But you know, I meant, your newest… fragment?”

“I know what you meant.”

“Yes, then…” Well, if he understood, then he didn’t need to glare at Hidan like this, didn’t he?! “I mean, how am I supposed to put these things into words? I’m just trying to be accurate.”

“You might have a point here”, Zetsu sighed, reluctantly agreeing.

“I mean, it’s not like your different personalities have names. Did you ever think about that, about giving different names to the different parts, to better tell them apart?”

Zetsu snapped his head around, eyes widening in horror: “What? No! I mustn’t even think of something like this! That would be the end!”

Hidan felt himself leaning back. “I’m… sorry?”, he mumbled, part of him almost frightened by getting confronted with a strong reaction like this. “That must have been a shit suggestion, sorry.”

Zetsu shook his head, slowly getting his composure back. “It’s hard enough to keep things under control as it is. If I ever start considering that I’m not myself, but that I’m dealing with something foreign that would be the end.”

Starting to scratch the nape of his neck again, Hidan made an agreeing noise, hoping that would be enough. He suddenly was terrified of accidentally saying the wrong thing again.

Zetsu must have been sensing that sentiment after all though. The gaze he was directing at Hidan softened. “No need to be sorry. You couldn’t know.”

“Still…”

“No, you were right yesterday. I’m never telling you enough.”

“That’s not for me to decide”, Hidan said, forcing his hands to stay still by putting them into his lap, trying to appear appeasing. It was true that it was frustrating not to be told things at times. But it was also the truth that it was not him but Zetsu who had to deal with this entire shit situation on his own. And with the pain resulting from it. Having come to this realization, Jashin’s commandments told him to be aware of the situation, instead of ignoring it and playing oblivious. Yes, though Jashin didn’t order you to help directly, dismissing pain by denying it was present, it would have been a sin. 

Giving him an intent stare that seemed to last for an aeon, Zetsu turned his head away again, lowering his gaze. The leaves no longer were hiding him away now though. “I wasn’t always like this, you know? My mind hadn’t always been split apart.”

“Oh?” Hidan decided to take the risk and ask a question after all: “When did it happen then?”

“I’m not entirely sure myself. Because it all happened over time, gradually.”

“Oh. Okay. When did it start to happen then?”

“When did it start? I was already enrolled in the academy then. Maybe… I was around nine then, I guess? Or a year sooner or later, but around that time.”

Hidan turned his head, unable to tear his gaze away from Zetsu. Nine? This awfully young?

Zetsu looked up, not quite meeting Hidan’s eyes but not hiding his face away either. “Well. I sometimes got those phases when… From one moment to another it would suddenly feel like I wasn’t entirely in my body anymore. But standing slightly behind or above it. And it felt like whatever was happening around me was further away from me too, a bit like watching things through a screen.”

“Okay.”

Now Zetsu was meeting Hidan’s eyes fully: “Make no mistake, I was still fully in control of my body and of everything I was doing. I wasn’t delusional or anything. Things just had started to feel very distant. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“Everything got distant. Okay.” Hidan tried to understand what he was hearing, not only because it was Jashin’s command but because he wanted to understand Zetsu. (Because he had wanted to understand him since such a long time.)

The light behind Zetsu’s eyes lost the worst of its desperate urgency. “At first those situations wouldn’t go on for very long at all. Maybe two minutes, five. Ten at the most. I tried pulling myself together again and then after a few moments, everything went back to normal.”

A soft breeze went through the roof, distracting from the fact the noon sun was winning in strength. Maybe after all the road would get a chance to get dry before the arriving clouds would start to pour out rain.

As if following the direction of the wind, Zetsu’s eyes wandered into the distance again, slowly. “And then, one day that distant feeling was suddenly here once again. But what was different on that day was that it just wouldn’t go away, no matter what I tried. It stayed the entire day. Until I went to bed. When I had woken up the next day, everything felt normal again.” Zetsu shrugged his shoulders, eyes strictly set on the distance. Seeing him like this, Hidan had no problems envisioning the kid of nine Zetsu once had been, the kid he was talking about in his attempt to explain how and why his pain had formed into the exact shape he had to deal with now. It was a desolate picture full of isolation and silent abandonment, something you sensed the shape of before you ever got a chance to see it in clarity, a neighbouring state of how laying ripped to shreds in that hole had felt. 

Hidan suppressed a panicked intake of breath, trying to appear calm: “And then?”

“And then I started getting those distant states more often. It was my lighter side being around, first, you see? The stricter part came later, to help out the first when he had to deal with something that felt difficult.”

“Oh?”

“That’s the only reason the strict part started to appear in the first place, you know?” For a moment Zetsu hesitated but then continued with a quiet voice: It’s... being at home wasn’t much fun. Neither was being at the academy. It felt like I never got a chance to get a break, regardless of where I was.”

Somewhere around them a bird started singing, despite making noise not revealing its appearance. 

A joyless grin showed up on Zetsu’s face that appeared more like revealing teeth than a smile: “So, that’s how it started. And how it went on from there. But it’s no good anymore. Those two have become complacent. With each other.”

“Uh…” Hidan leaned forward, not attempting to hide he felt at loss with the statement. 

Zetsu’s grin faded, making room for something colder, something icy: “These days the two of them are looking out for another. Always so concerned with each other’s wellbeing. So I had to appear after all.”

Hidan remember something Zetsu had said to him yesterday: “Because someone has to deal with the fallout if there is some, is that why?”

Letting hear a sigh that almost turned into a groan the last bit of that bitter grin disappeared from Zetsu’s face. “Among other things. But basically, yes.”

“Hm. I guess I see.” Giving in to an urge Hidan scooted closer to Zetsu, even though that bench wasn’t that narrow after all. “I mean, it makes sense, with how you explain it.”

“Sense”, Zetsu huffed, slightly slouching down, not moving away from Hidan. “I’m just an unwelcomed guest nobody was asking for.”

After a moment of hesitation Hidan continued talking after all: “Is that what the other two are saying?”

Zetsu huffed. “No. They don’t. They’re not mean to me or anything like that. But as I told you, over the years those two have gotten used to each other. The stricter one appeared later, but that doesn’t matter anymore, because they function so well with each other. I on the other hand… well, you pointed it out yourself: It’s either me on my own who’s showing up or it’s the other two together.”

Hidan resisted the urge to just give in and throw his arms around Zetsu’s shoulders. Hearing the hurt in his voice, he couldn’t deal with it anymore. Instead Hidan opted to allow himself to say something stupidly sentimental: “I like whoever part of you is showing up during any time. Told you already, your mind being split into two or three parts, I’m fine with whatever. Because it’s still you either way.”

Zetsu gave Hidan a long and heavy look, his yellow eyes burning with an intensity that made them appear like two fragments of the sun that had fallen down on earth to spread measurement and judgement. “You even mean it.”

“You’re implying I’m a liar or something?” Despite Hidan’s words the tone of his voice had been practically carefree, free of accusation. 

A tired shadow laid itself over Zetsu’s face, the kind of exhaustion that had nothing to do with lack of sleep. “It’s just not the reaction I usually get, that’s all.”

Now Hidan really could no longer contain himself. He tentatively took Zetsu’s hand, a leaden weight falling away from his chest when he was feeling that Zetsu was holding on instead of pulling away. 

The breeze around them intensified, causing the singing bird to go quiet. Hidan hadn’t realized it had been singing during this entire time until it had stopped and had left them with nothing but silence. 

When Zetsu continued talking, he wasn’t meeting Hidan’s eyes. “I’ve always been afraid things would get worse. Three fragments are enough, it mustn’t get any worse than this.”

At loss for words Hidan intensified the grasp of his hand on Zetsu’s, holding on tighter.

“You have no idea how much effort and energy it takes to stay sane and in control like this. I’ve always been in control of myself, no matter what facet is in charge, despite everything. I don’t want that to ever change”, Zetsu said. His voice had been atypically empty and silent. Hidan needed a moment to realize it had been drenched in pure fear.

“I would stay with you either way.” Hidan had no idea why he had just said that. The sentiment had been the truth, but for some reason he still had the impression everything he said right now had to be the wrong thing, one way or another, no matter how much he tried.

Turning his head Zetsu gave him another stare, silent and intent. Apparently content with what he was seeing, a warm glare appeared behind his eyes, resonating with the yellow of their colour and melting away the last traces of ice: “Your nose is beginning to look all red. Let’s go inside; it looks like you’re getting a sunburn.”

Hidan scratched his nose. With his free hand, the one that wasn’t holding Zetsu’s. It was the truth, the skin there was beginning to feel all hot and itchy. But then, it didn’t really come as a surprise; Hidan had always had the tendency to get sunburned quickly.


	15. Wherever I Am

Hidan held still, noticing how much of a challenge that felt when being in a situation where he couldn’t allow himself to move. Or at least a situation he couldn't twitch his head around all of a sudden.

Realizing his unrest had grown too heavy he started talking: “Don't cut it too short, okay? I really wouldn't like it becoming too short.”

Behind him Deidara went still, the steady sound of the scissors cutting hair coming to a halt. “Un, I'm trying! But that's going to be hard if you want things to look even.”

Realizing he probably had just spoken in a manner sounding a bit too harsh, Hidan tried a more docile approach: “Please try anyway. Please. I look like absolute shit with really short hair. Ugly even!”

“...ugly?”, Deidara said, the absentminded sound of his voice only highlighting the confusion in his statement.

Before he could spout that artistic nonsense of his, about the subjective and absolute aesthetic of things, Hidan had to intervene. “Yes, ugly. As far as I 'm concerned. Point is, I hate it. So please, don't make it too short.”

No longer hiding his struggles Deidara let hear a sigh that midway turned into a groan: “I'm trying but that's hard! You have entire patches that already are super short. I can't just comb longer strands over them everywhere; that wouldn’t look aesthetic either.”

“Yeah, I know there are short patches. But what were we supposed to do? The strands there had gotten matted, so he needed cutting them off.”

“He?” Deidara sounded more confused than ever. The issue with trying to make a haircut that kept matters long, even though short spots were there, already seemed to exhaust the capacity of his mind. Not that Deidara was stupid, he just tended to give his entire attention to art related problems when busy with them. And Hidan assumed cutting hair right now was art enough.

Not intending to make any of this more complicated than necessary, Hidan went for a direct answer. "Yes. Zetsu. When he got me out of that hole. I had some matted strands and he cut them away."

“Oh!”

“I mean, what else was he supposed to do?”

“Little else. Once hair is matting together like this, you need to cut it.” Deidara's voice had sounded empty, almost hesitant. His former confusion had entirely disappeared by now. 

“Actually, who cares about hair? It grows back and stuff. I'm just glad he found a way to get me out of that fucking hole. But the asshole who put me in there in the first place is going to pay.”

“Yes.”

“The moment we have the capacity to ensure that annoying shit Kyubi gets dealt with, I'm going to make that shadow bastard regret!”

“You should”, Deidara said, voice full of hesitation. 

In a far corner of his mind Hidan registered that Deidara had stopped cutting his hair since minutes but that wasn't important now. Important was only the simmering gleam in his chest growing into a fire that was burning and causing pain to the edges it touched.

Fuelled on by the flame in his chest Hidan kept talking: “And I'm going to send the rest of those other sorry excuses of human beings who were present on that day to Jashin as well!”

“Hidan...”

Losing the last bit of restrain that had allowed him to sit still Hidan now fully turned around, facing Deidara: “It is bad enough that shadow bastard fucker blew me into pieces and buried - fucking buried me alive! In a shit garbage hole he had prepared beforehand, can you fucking imagine that? But the worst is that they got Kakuzu! That's nothing you can ever put right again! They need to suffer and die, everyone who was present on that day!”

Deidara had went completely still, eyes widened in badly contained upset. Why the fuck was he looking so upset? It had been those shitty Konoha bastards who had killed Kakuzu and inflicted so much suffering on Hidan (he had been buried alive!), they had caused this mess, not him! And here Deidara was, looking like Hidan was the actual problem, how was that fair!?

“Un, yeah. They deserve to. Totally”, Deidara finally mumbled.

“I mean it! Those bastards are garbage, not even fit enough to be sacrificed to Jashin-sama. Some random farm pigs can go and eat them and shit them out again, I don't fucking care!” Hidan hadn't meant to shout but now he kept talking, he found he couldn't stop with the force of his words. There was a flame burning in his stomach, hot and painful, and he couldn't make it stop. It wasn't fair; this day had started so nice and normal and out of a sudden everything around him felt wrong. It wasn't fair; Hidan had tried pulling himself together, he really had!

Deidara still looked so annoyingly cautious, almost scared. As if he was some golden haired pretty angel having gotten lost on earth instead of the bloodthirsty explosion causing brat he was. Misleading heathen, liar!

Finally breaking out of his annoying stupor, Deidara tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. “Sure, all of this. We get the kyubi and its buddies who caused all that shit. I'm just saying, we need to be prepared properly for that, right?”

“Of course we need to! What did you think? That I was about to storm off and finish that shadow garbage bastard right now?”

“No I... I'm just saying, next time we go for them, Konoha won't stand a chance. But that needs time and preparation.”

“I was saying the same! I'm impulsive, not stupid.”

Deidara gave him a heavy look, appearing completely undecided. “The only one who was stupid in here was Itachi. Always playing it so cool and detached, un, never could stand him.”

The comment had left Hidan completely baffled. He knew there had used to be some pretty heavy tension between Deidara and Itachi but never had got to known the exact details. And these days he felt too shy to ask directly. So Hidan just nodded, signalling he was ready to listen to everything Deidara wanted to say.

Deidara lowered his gaze, no longer meeting Hidan's eyes. “That Kyubi and his buddies got Sasori as well. I'd rather he still be around too.”

Right. It had been Konoha who has been responsible for Sasori's end. “Yes. Yes, of course.”

“So, you see, I want to kick the ass of that Kyubi as well.”

“Kyubi and friends.”

Deidara made a baffled noise and the next moment he was laughing, almost as if against his will: “Kyubi and friends! And friends! Sounds like a manzai troupe! Yes, like this!”

“Won’t be of any use to them. Not anymore. Now the lot of us are all prepared.”

“We are!”, Deidara confirmed, trying to suppress his sudden laughing fit. “Dumb fuckers, all of them. They also were responsible for my arms getting injured as well. I need my arms to make my art, I almost lost everything due to those fuckers!”

“All the more reason to purge them”, Hidan added, beginning to feel exhausted. His plans for this afternoon had simply been getting his hair cut, why had everything developed into such a hurtful mess? Even Deidara looked still upset, his previous laughing fit drenched in a sharp edge that had been painful listening to. “Would you mind… would you mind getting the rest of my hair cut?” For some reason it felt like Hidan needed to ask, had no longer the right to assume Deidara was fine finishing this little project just because he had agreed to start it. 

Hearing the question a clear gleam lit up behind Deidara’s eyes, erasing all of the confusion and hurt that had been set around it. “I’ll make sure your hair’s going to look good, un.”

“Thanks.” Still feeling trapped in the expanding abyss that had decided to descend upon him, Hidan turned around, intending to make the matter as easy as possible for Deidara.

“I try making it not too short, un.”

The lingering emptiness seeped into Hidan’s mind, dark and heavy. “You know what? It actually doesn’t matter. It’s just hair. It’s going to grow back, you can cut it all short if you think this is best.” Yes, it was only hair and would grow back again. No matter how shitty short hair looked on him, it eventually would grow back. Unlike Kakuzu who had just been slaughtered like that and would never experience change again, Hidan could still experience improvement. 

Behind him he could sense Deidara growing tense. “I think I can really manage something while keeping it long though. Maybe it will look a bit asymmetric, but I have an idea how to make things work now!”

“It’s really not important. You’re right, there are too many spots where it’s too short already. Maybe it’s just best to cut it all short.” Yes, he should cut it all off and look stupid with it, that’s what he deserved. Fuck hair. He should just stop fussing around, make it short and call it a day. Maybe like this he could repent a bit that he hadn’t been there for Kakuzu when he had needed Hidan the most. Could apologize for having been stupid enough to let himself get trapped in a fucking hole in the ground while those Konoha maggots had all ganged up on Kakuzu like the weak cowards they all were. 

Deidara kept combing Hidan’s hair, careful, almost gentle. “Let me try out to keep it long, ok? If you don’t like how it looks like, we can still cut it shorter then.”

That sounded…. that sounded like a sensible approach. He could feel that Deidara really was putting an actual effort into this. And after the fuss Hidan had just raised, it would only be fair to let Deidara try out his idea instead bossing him around some more.

Hidan took a deep breath, realizing his voice still had to sound shaky. Since when had it started to sound shaky? “Let’s do it like that, okay.”

He couldn’t say how much time had passed, but the next time Deidara handed him the mirror, he couldn’t find words.

“And? How do you like it?”

Hidan turned his head, first to the left side and then to the right. “It’s… it looks good.” It really did. Shorter than he preferred to have it but not that extreme. It looked perfectly alright and fine. From an objective standpoint. 

“You like it then?” Deidara hadn’t been able to hide his concern. 

“It’s good, it looks good, really.” Hidan looked away from the mirror, up at Deidara. “You made it work. Thank you.”

Hearing this a relieved smile showed up on Deidara’s face. “It’s nothing that wild, nah. But I’m glad you like it.”

“I do.” Hidan did and for some reason he felt more tired than ever, so exhausted that it felt like a huge effort to cobble together the fitting words to express his thoughts. He was tired, so tired.

Deidara nodded, putting away the scissors and stuff. He was still slightly smiling, the kind of expression more apparent in the eyes than around the mouth. “Do you mind if I’m about to leave then? Kisame is waiting for me.”

Hidan shook his head, needing a moment to find his speech again. “No, sure. Yes, sure. Go on then.”

Deidara gave him a thoughtful look, looking like he had a lot more on his mind. When he continued talking, he gave off the impression that he was talking about some completely different subject than what he had just been pondering about: “I need to give him some basic safety instructions. About my explosives. Now that we work with each other all the time, as a proper team, it’s important he knows what’s going on when I use my art.”

Hidan nodded in agreement. All of this sounded completely logical. “Makes sense. Safety measures.”

A restricted light won intensity in Deidara’s eyes: “And you know what’s coolest? Now the seals on the roof have improved, I can just show him everything up there. There’s now even a soundproof seal on the place, un, this is going to be so practical when preparing my art!”

“Oh? Sounds useful.” Hidan still felt so tired, thinking of something with more of a substance to say: “They just improved the seals the other day. Kisame and Zetsu.”

Deidara nodded enthusiastically, looking as energetic as Hidan felt exhausted. “Right! Bless them, that place is super useful now!”

Useful. But it already had been pretty before. Hidan’s tiredness took over, making him speak before he had time to think: “I like the plants up there.”

He expected Deidara to get irritated by the comment but instead his enthusiasm seemed to deepen. “Oh, so you can see it too! That place is art, un!”

Completely baffled by the comment Hidan gave Deidara a questioning glance. 

“You haven’t seen how ugly that place looked before. Super bleak and empty. I needed to go up there all the time to prepare my art, so I noticed.”

“Oh. No way to escape it. I see.”

Deidara folded his arms in front of his chest. “But then Zetsu started putting all these greenery and stuff up. One plant after the other.”

Hidan nodded, brushing his hand through his bangs. They were still long, luckily. He hated that exposed feeling when they were too short, yes. True, he tended to slick his bangs back anyway, but that was the point: He decided to wear it like that when going outside. If everything was just cut off, you were left with no choice to begin with.

The look in Deidara’s eyes intensified, the kind of expression he often wore when talking about his art: “People dismiss it so easily, how hard it is to make something out of nothing. Every moron these days thinks they can do art just because they know how to hold a brush. But it’s not that simple! I really admire Zetsu’s sense for aesthetics, you know? Arranging a bleak space into something uplifting, it’s hard.” Deidara shook his head, looking towards the door. “Sorry, I’m rambling. But you know, the roof really used to look depressing and now I actually like spending time up there when I need to. And I recognize art when I see it, un.”

“I know you do.” Hidan was still combing his fingers through his hair, glad he no longer looked like a mountain monkey but a civilized being with a proper haircut. 

Deidara turned around, not fast enough to hide the growing smile on his face. “Kisame’s waiting. I should go.”

Hidan only nodded, too tired to find any fitting words. He looked after Deidara leaving the room, kept looking after him when he was out of sight already. 

Hidan had no idea how long he kept sitting there like that, looking at the still opened door, continuing to brush his hand through his freshly cut hair. When he stood up from the chair he had been sitting on, he couldn’t recall having made the decision to do so, doing nothing but following an impulse in his chest that had grown stronger. He descended the stairs, walking towards the kitchen, towards the soft splashing noise and faint scent of dishwashing soap. 

He came to a halt at the opened kitchen door, leaning against its frame. 

Having noticed his arrival Zetsu turned around, looking at him silently, with that calm and empty expression Hidan just couldn’t read. The next moment he already turned around again, continuing doing the dishes. 

The only thing erasing the silence between them was the soft splashing sound of dishes getting washed, a monotone lull that sounded almost soothing. The citrusy scent of the soap was strong, almost strong enough to erase the last faint traces of the cooking smell still lingering in the air, the smell of meat. 

Hidan looked at the tupperware standing on the table, still cooling off before it was fit to get put into the fridge. It was the boxes with the orange lid. No one but Zetsu used the boxes with the orange lid. “Who’s in there?”

Zetsu paused. He put his hands out of the dishwater, taking a towel to dry them. He didn’t turn around when he started speaking: “Worthless garbage. Someone who should be glad I found a use for them.” It had been the soft voice of Zetsu’s sweet side delivering those words. 

Hidan made an agreeing noise, not knowing what to say. Exhausted as he was, he didn’t even know what to do right now. All he wanted was following the impulse in his mind, erasing the leaden emptiness still expanding through his chest. 

Zetsu was still holding the towel, though his hands should have been dry by now. The leaves of his summon were closing tighter, slowly so. 

Hidan was still leaning against the doorframe, not feeling like giving up the stability it provided. “Say, why do you go through the trouble of preparing meat even when your plant already disposed of the body it had belonged to? To gain more chakra out of it?”

Shrugging his shoulders Zetsu took an absentminded sigh. “Partially because of the chakra. But mainly: Why not? If the target is dead, I might as well eat it. If the summon wasn’t around and in need of it, I would still do it. Either way, I would still do it.”

“I’m just wondering because I hate cooking and avoid doing it whenever possible.”

Hearing this Zetsu went tense, gripping the towel tightly. “I don’t really mind it. Though I’m not super enthusiastic about it or anything.”

“I see.”

“But sometimes it’s worth it.” The leaves of his summon opened up again, slowly. “Eating targets is the proof they didn’t manage to defeat me. It’s not any more complicated than this, really.” It was still the sweet facet of his personality talking. The side that had been around longest, Hidan now knew. Zetsu had told it himself. 

Straightening his back, Hidan nodded. “I see. I would still be too lazy to cook them.”

“Nothing more complicated than instant ramen when you’re feeding yourself then?”

“This. Or pancakes. I know I must have destroyed all of your trust in my cooking abilities right now, but I’m able to make perfectly edible pancakes”, Hidan said, finally finding the energy to set himself into motion, walking towards the sink. 

“Not destroyed, no. If you ever feel like making pancakes, I would be willing to eat them”, Zetsu said, continuing to do the dishes. He still wasn’t turning around, strictly facing the sink. 

Hidan came to a halt behind Zetsu, folding his arms in front of his own chest. After a moment of hesitation, he gave in the forlorn urge in his mind, leaning his forehead against Zetsu’s shoulder, taking advantage of the fact the leaves of the summon were opened enough by now to do so. Not appearing surprised by any of this Zetsu just kept washing the dishes. 

Hidan kept concentrating on the scent of the dishwater soap, the artificial smell of citrus almost but not quite succeeding in hiding the scent of fried human meat. It was fine, Zetsu should just continue eating his enemies. Better to eat than to get eaten, it was that simply and honestly not any more complicated than this. 

“It didn’t rain after all. Not yesterday and today it doesn’t look like rain either”, Hidan finally said. 

“It didn’t rain so far.” Zetsu paused, looking out of the window right in front of the sink. Outside it was sunny, only some small white clouds up in the sky.

“So, it was good you gave the plants on the roof some water then.”

“Looks like it.”

Hidan was still leaning his forehead against Zetsu’s shoulder, resisting the urge to pull him into a proper hug. “It’s also good you and Kisame installed some more advanced seals. Now Deidara can show him how to behave safely around his explosives, right up here on our roof.”

“So? I’m glad to hear that.” Zetsu took a dishtowel, drying the last of the dishes. Once he was finished with that he turned around, giving Hidan a thoughtful look. “Was it Deidara who cut your hair?” It had been his cynical side talking, Hidan hadn’t noticed it had taken over. 

“Hm. Just right now.” Beginning to feel crushed under Zetsu’s empty stare Hidan kept asking the one question he actually had tried not to bring up: “How do you like it? My hair is shorter than I actually like things to be, but we couldn’t make it work otherwise.”

A warm gleam flared up behind Zetsu’s eyes, finally making that empty fog on his face disappear. “It looks very good on you.”

“Not too short?”

“No, it looks good. You look good.”

Hidan still had his arms folded in front of his chest. His hands went tense, fingernails digging into the soft flesh of his bare arms. He should have put on a long sleeve instead of a something with short sleeves after all. “I actually think it is way too short but there was little option to make it work otherwise. With the short patches the matted hair had left behind.”

A shadow descended on Zetsu’s face. He raised his hand, brushing it through Hidan’s hair, gently ordering it into place. “I’m sorry I had to cut those away.”

Hidan lowered his gaze, leaning into the touch. It helped keeping the heavy fog in his chest from spreading. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault my hair got all messy.”

“If I get the chance to, do you want me to eat those who are responsible it got messy?”

“Only if it is safe to do so. Let’s make sure they all meet Jashin-sama first, so they can’t bother us anymore.”

“Priorities?”

“Priorities”, Hidan agreed.

“I see. I keep that in mind then.” Not pausing his movements, Zetsu continued brushing his hand through Hidan’s hair. His right one, his black one, Zetsu was right-handed after all. Hidan held still. Resisting the urge to close his eyes fully he leaned further into the touch, telling himself he was still simply too tired to move.


	16. On the Edge of Space

Hidan kept holding Zetsu’s hand, even now they’ve had reached their destination. “Look, look! She somehow managed to find the exactly same model I used to have! I wasn’t expecting anything, but after dinner Tobi carried this in, and Konan said it’s supposed to be a celebration present for me having gotten better again!”

Zetsu looked at the scythe leaning against the wall in the corner of Hidan’s room. Truly, the weapon was exactly the same type Hidan had lost on that day. So, this here had Konan meant the other day when she had mentioned she intended getting Hidan a present. “You like it then?”

“I love it! I got so used to my old one and now I can fight the exact same way I always used to. That’s just neat, you get what I’m saying?”

“I do. And that’s good to hear.”

Hidan took a deep breath, trying to reduce his excitement. As far as Zetsu was concerned, he didn’t’ need to. It was so nice to see Hidan showing a genuine smile these days. Especially after he had started looking so discouraged the time right after he had decided getting his hair cut. 

Beginning to look thoughtful Hidan started tugging at the hem of Zetsu’s sleeve, an absentminded gesture born out of his directionless unrest. “Konan also said the leadership is making plans of how to catch the kyubi now. Concrete plans, I mean.”

“I’ve heard.”

“Unlike most other jinchuriki, the kyubi has people trying to protect it. So, now more of the lot of us are supposed to go in on that operation”, Hidan continued in a collected voice. 

“Yes. Only leader and Tobi are supposed to stay behind. In case we need further reinforcements. The rest of us is all supposed to be going in.”

“I think that’s a good plan. Sensible approach”, Hidan said, lowering his gaze. His voice had become all quiet. “You know what? When I heard about those incoming plans, my first thought was that everyone should have thought of that earlier. Much earlier. Before Kakuzu got killed. I’m one bitter bitch constantly complaining, huh?”

Zetsu went quiet, his hand taking Hidan’s that was still aimlessly tugging at his sleeve. “The sentiment sounds understandable to me though.”

“Understandable? Maybe.”

“People sometimes get bitter. It happens.” 

“I guess.” Hidan sat down on his bed, not letting go of Zetsu’s hand. Moments like this were those occasions it came in oddly handy that the room could feel rather cramped at times. Hidan seemed to feel the same, continuing in an empty voice: “Stop standing around like this and sit down. It makes me nervous when you keep hovering around like this.”

Not bothering to hide a sigh Zetsu did as he was told, allowing himself to follow his urge to try and appease Hidan. Lately his mood swings had gotten less in number, but not in intensity on the occasions they did show up. 

A self-aware gleam flamed up in Hidan’s eyes. “Everything is fine. But I’m in the middle of complaining right now anyway, so I might as well continue until it’s all out.”

“You’re taking advantage that I can’t say no to you when you pout at me like this.” Zetsu didn’t bother hiding the knowing edge from his voice.

Hidan averted his eyes, his face slowly starting to blush. The next moment he leaned forward, putting his arms around Zetsu’s shoulders, clumsily, carefully. The gesture hadn’t been coming as a surprise; these days trying to make sense out of Hidan’s urges was almost easy: They only looked impulsive and random if you didn’t pay any attention, and Zetsu was good at paying attention to things his mind insisted on getting obsessed with, almost to a painful degree. 

“I’m taking advantage no one can look at us right now”, Hidan finally mumbled. 

The fragile frame of Hidan’s voice made something in Zetsu’s mind crack, right at the edges he avoided looking at too closely when he could help it. He took a deep breath: “Who was ever looking at us?”

“For example that frog. When we were up that mountain.”

The comment had caught Zetsu completely unexpected. He couldn’t help but slightly starting to laugh. “What? That frog?”

“Yes. It stopped making noise several times. Suspicious. I’m sure it was peeking at us.”

“We can’t rule it out I suppose.” Zetsu’s laugh got louder. It was too absurd. And it didn’t help that it was obvious it wasn’t that frog Hidan actually felt concerned about. Everything was just so bizarre today, it was maddening. 

Hidan tightened his grip around him and when he continued talking his voice had started to sound lighter, despite everything. The pouting edge had disappeared almost entirely from it: “We can’t rule it out, yes. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Keep pointing out suspicious elements then”, Zetsu said, turning his head and placing a light kiss on Hidan’s temple. “Frog or otherwise.”

“Staying cautious is one of those habits hard to get rid of, you know that”, Hidan mumbled, leaning further into their hug. 

Zetsu made an agreeing noise, beginning to bite into the edge of Hidan’s ear softly, carefully. He felt himself unable to resist. In hindsight, he still had no clear recollection how the two of them had reached this point. Ultimately, it didn’t matter. For once Zetsu felt like he had gained a treasure in his life he could allow himself to acknowledge in the present of the moment instead of being tied down by weighs chaining him to the past. 

Letting hear a quiet laugh Hidan leaned into the touch. “Again?”

Again. “Yes. You have very cute ears.” Stressing his point he went for another bite.

“What’s the appeal?”

“The appeal is you not asking if I have any plans eating you up. On a more entire view on the question of appeal, I mean.”

Hidan went still. When he started talking he sounded genuinely confused. “Why would I assume that you want to eat me?”

“Why would you indeed?”, Zetsu sighed, following a sudden impulse, starting to lick the small spot of skin right behind Hidan’s ear. Unless Zetsu was seriously misjudging Hidan, there would have been no reason Hidan would assume to be in danger of getting eaten. And if Zetsu would have turned out misjudging him after all: Well, then Zetsu would have fully deserved to hear this kind of accusing comment. 

Hidan laid his hands on Zetsu’s back, right over his shoulder blades, making an impatient noise. It was the kind of noise setting a heavy pull into Zetsu’s stomach, the kind of craving that had nothing to do with hunger. Or eating. 

“What are you worrying about?”, Hidan asked, his earlier doubt apparent in his voice again. 

This really was the kind of moment this room could feel a bit cramped after all. The thing was, if a place got too cramped or too uncomfortable for Zetsu, he had developed the habit to simply leave. The shifting ability his summon gave him allowed him to move away without needing to pay much attention of how to get away to begin with. So he had developed the habit to simply leave whenever he started feeling bothered. But with Hidan... well, here it hadn’t become the question anymore if or how he could disappear without attracting any attention. With Hidan it had become the question if Zetsu could leave without behaving rude while doing so. 

“I wouldn’t say worrying. I’ve just gotten lost in thought”, Zetsu finally said. The statement was close enough to the truth to not count as a lie. For now this had to be enough. 

“Ah. You tend to do that.” Turning his head Hidan kissed the corner of Zetsu’s mouth, light enough that it ended up feeling like not much more than a flutter. “What kind of thoughts?”

“Complicated ones?” Zetsu had no idea himself. Getting concerned about something, getting distracted by something... At times it felt like a near permanent stage his mind would reach and get stuck in. But as long as the worry didn’t bring too much pain or insisted to stay with too much of a persistence, well, then Zetsu assumed he could manage (at least that was what he kept telling himself). 

A thoughtful look appeared in Hidan’s eyes. He leaned forward, leaning his forehead against Zetsu’s. “Want to stop thinking for the time being?”

“Wouldn’t be averse to it.” At all. 

“I’m so egoistical, you know? I’d been hoping you’d say that.”

“Be egoistical then.” It was not like Zetsu’s constant worries staying in his mind were proving to be significantly more constructive than trying to force them to leave. 

Letting hear an agreeing noise Hidan slightly tilted his head, finally placing a kiss right on Zetsu’s mouth. 

The first thought that came into Zetsu’s mind was how wonderfully practical it was that the both of them were the same height. It made kissing each other feel easy and effortless, as if it was simply another factor confirming that he and Hidan were supposed to be. 

It was also the kind of realisation leaving Zetsu feel exposed and defenceless. Allowing in thoughts that insisted there was a brittle plausibility of him having the potential to form a deeper connection with someone else (someone he actually wanted and had started to care for since what in the meanwhile felt like aeons, regardless of how much actual time had passed) felt foreign, a thing not supposed to be for him. Like something dangerous that was not only fated to break but would leave him injured once it would start crashing down. 

Dangerous, huh? No, the only dangerous thing in here was Zetsu, capable to rip someone’s throat apart merely by using his teeth and erasing the entire evidence afterwards. 

The presence of the scythe leaning in the nearest corner of the room descended on his consciousness. It wasn’t a bad feeling. No, Hidan and he both were dangerous, as it should be; the realization not a restriction but just another factor strengthening the impression they both belonged together. Or at least, belonged together enough. As much as belonging was possible in a world where everyone was effectively alone in the end.

The heavy fog in his stomach brought in an impulsive longing. No longer caring to resist the urge Zetsu tilted his head, deepening their kiss. 

The next moment a desperate noise reached his ear, the kind of sound you expected to hear from an animal instead of a human. Beginning to feel lightheaded he couldn’t say where the noise had originated from, less from any impression of losing a grip on himself but more due to being fuelled on by the impression he and Hidan were starting to merge into something whole and connected. 

Hidan strengthened his grip around Zetsu, pulling him closer. “It’s lonely without you. Fucking lonely!”

It was such a strange sentiment that Zetsu found himself seriously at loss of how to reply. Slowly freezing into inactivity, he let himself be held, the thought manifesting in his mind that it was not without irony he found it difficult to find words the more convoluted his thoughts went: All that wasted energy for nothing. 

“And it has to be you who has to be here. You or no one else”, Hidan added, leaning in to give Zetsu another kiss, clumsy and intense, fuelled on by the kind of raw energy he would show more often these days. Now that his fever seemed to have vanished for good. 

Zetsu kissed back, the realization descending on him he feared the moment to end. To end like the sort of hyper realistic dream you would get from time to time, the kind of dream that seemed plausible, no matter how strange the happenings in it would be, feeling plausible even after you had just woken up from it and continued to do so even when your mind insisted to forget about it, first the details and then the most basic layers. Leaving nothing but a sensation of loss and emptiness behind. 

This moment might not have been a dream but it seemed to be woven out of the same brittle and fleeting substance, threatening to vanish soon due to circumstances that couldn’t be pointed out but felt like a real danger nonetheless. Zetsu leaned back, slowly, slightly, ending their kiss. “I don’t want anyone else but you either.” He had no idea why he had just said that. He only knew it to be the truth.

Hidan met his gaze, the light behind his eyes slowly turning into a hazy fog. Then a smile appeared on his face, happy and bright. “You have no idea for how long I was hoping you’d say that!”

Zetsu felt his face grow hot. Lowering his gaze he shrugged his shoulders. Whatever spontaneous urge had gotten hold of him was already vanishing again. Leaving him wordless, once again rendering him unable to put his thoughts (worries) into clear sentences. 

Hidan didn’t seem to mind any of this though. He leaned further in, kissing Zetsu’s cheekbone, the spot right under his eye. “Ah, I can’t resist you when you are like this! You know that, right? I just can’t!”

“Don’t resist then.” As far as Zetsu was concerned there was no need to. He just wanted to see Hidan happy. Whatever would cause him to smile at Zetsu like this, he wanted to be the source of that sentiment. And he never wanted it to end. 

“Yes, I think I don’t resist then”, Hidan whispered, leaning in further and giving Zetsu a lingering kiss on the mouth. The moment continued feeling fleeting and brittle, like an odd dream occurrence that was fated to leave your memory the very moment you woke up from your sleep, leaving you with nothing but the crushing weight of reality. Despite of this Zetsu laid his arms around Hidan’s waist, gently pulling him closer while letting their kiss become more intense. As long as you were lost in a state that at least resembled sleep you might as well keep dreaming; waking up any moment sooner than you had to would be to no further use either.


	17. Answered Prayers: Raw

One step forward and two steps back. That’s how it always played out, no matter how much Hidan tried to do everything right, no matter how determined he was, no matter how much he tried to concentrate on the task at hand and at nothing but the task at hand. One step forward, two steps back. 

“It’s still bleeding. Why is this shit still bleeding?”

“The injury is not going deep. It’s looking worse than it is.”

“It’s bleeding like a bitch! Looks worse enough to me!”, Hidan hissed, unable to hide his distress any longer. No matter what he tried to stop the wound on Zetsu’s arm from bleeding, nothing would help, thick liquid slowly but steadily seeping through yet another rag of cloth Hidan was pressing on it, trying to stop the bleeding with it. To no success. 

When Zetsu continued talking he sounded calm, eerily so: “It’s a poison, most likely. One messing with the ability of the wound to heal. But the scratch isn’t deep, so it will be fine.”

“How can you be so sure?!”

“Not the first time I got poisoned.”

Withholding a string of curses Hidan only huffed, laying a fresh piece of cloth on the wound, the last one already soaked through. Forcing himself to stay silent, his restless gaze got stuck at the body laying lifeless on the ground. Fuck that spiky haired bastard, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! Wielding around poisoned daggers like the kind of sneaky bitch he was! Hidan slightly turned his head, checking for another time if the decapitated head of that fucker was still lying dead and lifeless on the ground. Just to be sure. You never knew. 

Hidan turned his head, looking into the direction where Kisame and the rest was supposed to be located. “Where the fuck is everyone else?”

An orange light gleamed through the evening sky, the sickly glow of some looming chakra getting unleashed, as if serving as an ironic answer to the question Hidan had just asked.

“I assume everyone is still busy trying to secure the kyubi”, Zetsu said, the calculating voice of his cynical facet answering. He still was sounding so horribly calm. So fucking calm, how could he sit here, bleed out like a chicken getting butchered for soup and still sound so calm and collected? Had that spiky haired bastard managed to whack his head before he had gotten him with that shitty poison dagger, or what?! 

“What were you doing there anyway? I told you to stay out of this!” That’s how this shit day had been supposed to play out, Kisame and the rest securing the kyubi while Hidan dealt with the shadow bastard. That had been the plan and it had been supposed to work. It had been supposed to work!

“You told me to not interfere with that Nara person. You didn’t say anything about leaving his pet deer alone.”

Hidan paused. True, but…

“There suddenly was an entire bunch of them, wasn’t there?”

Also true, but that was not the point! Hidan had wanted to deal with this alone. Jashin-sama ensured he could deal with daggers and the like, immortality set in place, might said daggers have been poisoned or not. Unlike Zetsu, who still was bleeding like a chicken supposed to go into the soup. “I can deal with a pack of deer!”, Hidan huffed.

“Herd. Not a pack. A group of deer is called a herd”, Zetsu pointed out, voice sounding distant. That had to be some sort of shock, right? If someone got injured and was rambling on about shit like the deeper biology of shitty garbage deer -that were useless vermin as far as Hidan was concerned- that had to be some kind of shock reaction, hadn’t it to be? As long as it just wasn’t a concussion or other head injury. Please don’t let it be some sort of shitty head injury. 

No, probably it really was only shock, but how was Hidan supposed to know? The basics of first aid aside, he never had gotten the finer details of what medic nin were doing. All Hidan was good at was destroying, not healing, helping or creating. His ability to wreck shit aside he was completely useless. It even was the only kind of worship he could offer Jashin-sama. There had been a time Hidan had played with the thought of joining one of the monasteries in the northern territories, the ones that specialized in painting Jashinist icons. It had always sounded like such a beautiful concept, spreading Jashin’s word by expressing it through paintings, showing the essence of God with such a direct approach. But Hidan could not draw and was shit at art in general, had zero talent for it. So he had forgotten about that garbage idea quickly. 

He had forgotten even faster to join one of the branches currently working on translating the sacred texts into a more accurate form. Hidan couldn’t speak the language of the Holy Land, the land Jashin had first shown up in, so he would have needed to learn it first.

And what would have been the use in that? Pointless waste of time. 

No, the only thing Hidan ever had been outstandingly good at had been destroying. So he had come to the conclusion that he would ensure his years in the academy and on the field would not be in vain, even though his home village’s leadership viewed themselves above the art of warfare these days.

Hidan was best with destruction and at fighting, so that was what he offered Jashin-sama these days. It was that simple, that boring.

A roaring blasted through the air, the glow of that sickly orange chakra turning the forest into a gloomy light, as if serving as a twisted extension of the orange light of the sun that was setting around them.

Fuck that spiky haired bastard and his cheap tricks, fuck the Kyubi, fuck this entire garbage forest and every critter living in it, be it a shitty garbage deer or the ominous trees growing around them. Fuck it all!

The blood was still flowing out of the wound, its rich red leaving ugly and smeary patterns on Zetsu’s white arm. Though the blood flow honestly seemed to have calmed down a bit and the cut didn’t seem to be too deep, but still. But still. That garbage shit wound needed to stop bleeding entirely, it needed to. 

A fine talent at destruction Hidan had. He could rage like a mindless beast but in the end there wasn’t much else to it. He couldn’t even protect the few things left that were important to him. He had not succeeded in protecting Kakuzu and if that shitty wound on Zetsu’s arm didn’t stop bleeding… fuck! “Why is that shit here still bleeding like this?”

“I assume it’s wolf paw flower poison. It’s dangerous when a cut goes deep, but not fatal when it’s a mere scratch like this. I saw it before.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Sasori used that poison a lot. It will be fine.”

“Nothing is fine! That spikey haired bastard tricked me again!” He had, managed to lead Hidan into a shitty sneaky trap again. The only reason it hadn’t ended in a catastrophe this time, was because Zetsu had turned up out of nowhere, distracting the shadow bitch thoroughly so Hidan had gotten the opportunity to cut the bastard’s head off.

For now things looked fine enough for the time being but if reinforcements of the enemy’s side should arrive… He looked at Zetsu, unable to hold his voice steady any longer. “Shouldn’t we fuck off from this place or thing?” In the state they were in, they would prove to be more of a hindrance than help anyway. So staying out of the action and not making any more of a mess would be the most sensible option. 

A shadow laid itself over Zetsu’s face and only now Hidan realized that he had looked this entire time like he was holding some very vital part of information back. “We can. It might be best.”

“Let’s go back to the valley or something. Just shift us back, okay?” The wound was still bleeding, but Zetsu should still be able to move them out of this shit forest, right?

“About that…”

Hidan froze into place. He had felt there would be more.

“This kind of poison also messes with the chakra flow. As long as it is in the system, I won’t be able to use any jutsu given by my summon.”

Great. That was… just great. “Asshole fucker! Yes, you!”, Hidan groaned, pointing at the cut off head of that shadow bastard. It had been his fault, everything, all of it! He had killed Kakuzu and now Zetsu was suffering because of him too! 

The decapitated head just stared back at him, with empty and dull looking eyes. At least that piece of garbage couldn’t come after them anymore. At least he couldn’t bother them anymore. At least that. But presently that felt like a small comfort. Even though it had become apparent the bastard had started his obsession with revenge anew the moment he had realized Hidan had managed to escape from that hole in the ground. Even though neutralizing that idiot had been necessary, at the moment nothing felt like a victory, not with that suspicious poison still pulsating through Zetsu’s body. 

Hidan stood up, looking around. “Still, we can’t stay here. I carry you back to that abandoned farm we passed on our way here or whatever.”

“Maybe… yeah, maybe that would be best.” Zetsu had still sounded so detached. His voice sounded so strange and the look on his face was so distant, Hidan couldn’t even tell what facet of his personality was in charge at the moment. At that though he usually could always tell these days, most of the time even when Zetsu was quiet! A look on his face usually was enough to tell, but now he looked so odd. Exhausted. Ill.

Hidan just had wanted to prepare them for leaving when he realized it had been too late. He could hear a soft rustling movement through the greenery around them and the next moment they weren’t alone anymore, facing two freshly arrived people who had joined them in the clearing. 

Hidan’s first impulse had been to maim and shred any person he saw, unless it would have been one of their comrades. But the realization who he was standing face to face with made his body and mind freeze in confusion. “…you?”

“Ah, why is it that people never sound the positive kind of surprised when they say that to me?”

He had maybe only been two more weeks around after Hidan had joined but still, Hidan was good with remembering faces, he knew exactly who that stranger was: “Orochimaru?”

“Akatsuki still respects me enough to ensure their newbies are well aware of me. This pleases me to see.”

The fuck. The fuck? What was Hidan supposed to do now? What was that bastard doing here? He had left Akatsuki in bad terms, hadn’t he?! His instinct still told him to maim everyone not being a comrade and then to retreat, but Orochimaru was strong, he knew that. Frankly, Hidan had no idea if he even stood a chance fighting the man, especially not after the fight against that shadow bastard had been this demanding. And to make matters worse, Orochimaru wasn’t alone, some henchwoman was standing next to him. 

“I would call it common sense more than I would call it anything else. Ensuring any new members are aware of you, I mean”, Zetsu sighed. Lowering his voice he continued: “Hidan, don’t do anything rash now, got it?”

He had gotten it. But he refused to stay aimless. He stepped in front of Zetsu, ensuring Orochimaru would have to pass Hidan first in case he was planning anything dirty. Why the fuck was he here, what did he want? On the day they were trying to get the Kyubi, no less, this couldn’t be a coincidence. And Zetsu still wasn’t in a state to stand up, and Hidan needed to be on alert, concentrating on his own weapon, having it ready, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Orochimaru stayed where he was but raised his eyebrows in what might have been a hint of genuine compassion. “Aw, Zetsu. You could at least pretend to be pleased to see me.”

“I’ll remember to do so next time. As you can see, right now I happen to be a bit inconvenienced.”

Looking little surprised Orochimaru looked at the mess around them, at the body of the shadow bastard and the carcasses of several dead deer, nodding in understanding while eying the body of the shadow asshole: “It would appear so. Karin, you were right, someone was using the opportunity of the Kyubi going wild for their own gain.” 

The young woman in glasses who had been with him this entire time stayed silent, nodding in agreement. The look on her face stayed alert, her eyes sharp and clear.

Hidan felt the last bit of his patience melt away. He had promised not to act rash, but that didn’t mean he needed to stay silent: “What do you want?”

Orochimaru looked little surprised by the question. “I’m bearing no ill intentions. I was having the wish to talk with your leadership since a while now.”

“Talk”, Zetsu huffed, sitting up more upright though he had sounded worse than ever.

“Yes, talk. Your organisation has been hiding efficiently during the last few months, so I waited for the next time someone would be outside to go after another jinjuriki. The uproar this causes is frankly the easiest opportunity to find you these days.”

“I’m still not convinced. Your wish to see us all erased has disappeared now, or what?”

“Yes, and that’s exactly what I want to tell the leadership. Our two fractions going at each other’s throats is a pointless waste of resources, time and energy. Especially now, with the great nations winning in strength and deepening their alliances.” Staying where he was Orochimaru pointed at Zetsu. “But more of this later. As I can see you got injured. Let me have a look at it.”

“It’s just a scratch.”

“If it only would be a scratch you wouldn’t be weakened to an amount that you can’t even stand up anymore. Not from a slight flesh wound like this. Looks like poison from out here.”

Zetsu’s expression stayed unhappy. “You come along the one moment I catch an injury. How convenient.” 

“I just told you that I was looking for the lot of you. And now the Kyubi causing a rampage has led me to this spot. Karin was sensing some unusual chakra activity in this corner here. No coincidence at all.”

Hidan tasted bile in his throat. He didn’t like the thought of an old enemy being this close, but the explanation Orochimaru had given sounded believable enough. And fuck it, that dagger definitely had held some sort of poison, what were their choices?

Zetsu seemed to think so as well. Looking up at Orochimaru he shook his head in resignation. “I didn’t need to see a doctor since an eternity, to think that now it has to be you. Fine, come here then.”

“Your distrust towards doctors is as strong as ever, I see” With this Orochimaru stepped closer, addressing the woman in glasses while he was doing so. “Karin, come closer. This type of injury should be familiar to what you already encountered on our bases so far. But injuries caused by a fight like this are always a bit tricky, you’ll need to get a feeling for the differences of them.”

Hidan went tense, refusing to leave Zetsu out of sight but on alert by those two people still posing a possible threat. So that woman was what, someone learning to become a doctor? Apparently, she already was getting instructions to remove the biggest part of the poison, using some kind of move to hold condensed chakra in her hands and now she started wielding… a water bottle for further treatment? “Hey, kid! You’re sure you know what you’re doing?”, Hidan asked, barely able to hide the upset in his voice. Zetsu wasn’t some guinea pig Orochimaru could let brats under his care practice on!

Pausing for a moment she looked up at Hidan. “It’s clearly a poisoning caused by wolf paw root. The way the chakra flow is disturbed by this, it is showing the pattern typical for this kind of poison. Once I have removed the biggest part of it, I can give an antidote dealing with the small remains already deep in the system of the body. Like this the injury can start healing again and I can start dressing the wound. This should pose no bigger problem; no major artery or the like got affected by the cut.”

Hidan paused. That had sounded… competent. But then, he didn’t know anything about any kind of medical jutsu.

“Hidan, it’s okay, really. Karin here has been learning medicine under Orochimaru since a long time. I know her; she knows what she is doing here.”

Fine, if Zetsu said so himself… But still: “Any funny move and this scythe here gets going!”

“No funny moves from our corner. Big promise”, Karin huffed, continuing her treatment. Ha, now she had sounded offended! But it was not like Hidan had ever seen her around! Zetsu apparently knew her, but Hidan didn’t!

Orochimaru kept looking at Hidan, expression in his eyes oddly… what? Understanding? His voice sounded patient when he started talking: “Karin’s ability to sense the flow of chakra is even better than mine. When it comes to the finer details of removing poison you couldn’t wish for someone better than her.”

Hidan felt his face go hot. “Yes, okay. I’m just saying Konoha is bitching at us like mad today and we have no reason to trust anyone who is acting suspicious. You just said it yourself, they are forming all kind of odd alliances these days.”

“Ah, but you see, we’re considering Konoha a threat to our own interests as well. That’s why we’re here today to begin with.”

“Now you regret leaving us with the promise to destroy us all”, Zetsu added, glaring at Orochimaru. 

“That’s what I’m saying the entire time, I was indeed too hasty in declaring our two fractions enemies. So I’ve come with the suggestion of a treaty.”

“Oh.”

“I even intend to bring peace offerings to show my good will.”

“Starting with patching me up.”

“Yes. Though that was an unintended occurrence. But now you should stop talking, before you pass out.”

“You would fucking like that, seeing me passing out”, Zetsu muttered, voice sounding so distant that he left the impression he was barely conscious anymore. Removing poison could hurt at times, couldn’t it? Was that it?

Orochimaru raised his eyebrows in barely hidden amusement. “I would indeed, fucking like that, as you so colourfully declared. Though not for the reasons you seem to assume.”

“Is it painful? Getting poison removed?” Hidan had directly addressed Orochimaru, partially because he really wanted to know, partially because the way he and Zetsu had started to banter with each other had ended up making him feel at loss. There hadn’t been any real malice in their argument, and given Hidan still intended to see Orochimaru as a possible threat until getting ensured otherwise, he didn’t know what to make out of it.

Hearing Hidan’s question Orochimaru’s expression went serious again. “In moderation, it usually is, yes. Karin?”

Karin’s face was still full of concentration, focused on nothing but treating the wound. “Judging from the flow of chakra this poison here was a rather painful one, though luckily it didn’t leave much damage. I will get this all fixed up.”

That sounded… that sounded like something to be slightly optimistic about. 

Orochimaru was still looking at Hidan. “I remember you. You’re the one that became Kakuzu’s next partner.”

The comment managed to send an icy jolt down Hidan’s spine. “He… Kakuzu is no longer around. He died. Got murdered.”

“So I heard.” Maybe it was Hidan’s imagination, but Orochimaru had actually sounded like he had sympathized for a moment. 

Hidan shrugged his shoulders, that terrible feeling of being helpless descending upon him full force. “Well. Well, yes.”

Orochimaru gave him a careful look. “Would you like to get him back?”

What the… what kind of shitty question was that? Feeling devoid of any words Hidan just gestured at the remains of the shadow bastard lying some way further ahead. “That was the useless pile of shit that killed him. I delivered my revenge for what he did today.”

A calculating and cold expression flared up behind Orochimaru’s eyes, still studying Hidan’s face. “I was just asking because he could be difficult to get along with him.”

“So, you didn’t get along with him?”

“I wasn’t saying that.”

Hidan huffed, shaking his head. “You ask weird shit, do you know that?” They basically didn’t know each other at all and then this!

Orochimaru looked unfazed by the accusation. “Maybe I was a bit direct right now, I admit. I just was wondering, because you were the one spending the most time with him.”

Hidan shrugged his shoulders, feeling a bleak numbness settle into his mind. There the body of that shadow bastard was lying next to them. Orochimaru could look at the remains of that piece of shit and draw his own conclusions about how Hidan felt. 

The rest of the treatment seemed to go smooth enough, at least. It didn’t take long until the poison was dealt with and Karin was wrapping bandages around the injury. She was still at it when Orochimaru addressed her: “Karin, I’ll leave you with getting this finished. I would like to arrange the thing we were talking about earlier, before it gets dark fully.”

Karin nodded in understanding. “Alright.”

“Wait, what are you talking about here?” Hidan gripped his scythe, feeling his earlier alert return. 

Orochimaru turned around, facing him. “I just told you earlier, I was intending to bring Akatsuki some presents so show my sincerity. Didn’t I?”

“Konan and the others aren’t even here yet!”

“I want it to be ready once we catch up to them.”

Zetsu huffed, holding still his arm so Karin could finish patching him up. “Orochimaru? When you promise presents, it does hold a suspicious ring to it.”

“Let me convince you of the opposite then.”

“One funny move and this scythe here gets going!” Hidan didn’t know if he had a chance against the man, but he was talking about the principle of the matter. 

“Yes, yes, you already said so.” Still looking unimpressed Orochimaru pointed at the pathway leading towards Konoha. “I believe it’s down this way you managed to finish some of your other opponents off?”

Hidan paused. “Yes… why?”

“I need them for my present.”

“Can’t you just tell us what you’re planning?”, Zetsu groaned, finally beginning to sound tired.

“But then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

“I had enough surprises for today.”

“This one is going to be a good one though.” Orochimaru looked at Karin. “You stay here, making sure our patient gets some rest. I won’t be away for too long.”

Hidan couldn’t help but protest: “Is that supposed to erase our distrust?”

Karin turned her head, addressing him directly. “Orochimaru asked me to tag along as a medic. Pretending to treat someone’s injury while intending to trick them would be unethical.”

“Right. Because ninja are known to never trick anyone and act ethical at all times.” Hidan couldn’t keep the sneer away from his face, even though he tried. 

“I’m… I was only telling you about how I view this mission”, Karin said, the earlier offence returning to her face. 

Okay, fair enough. The girl was still young and probably held still some painfully naïve views. Maybe she truly and actually meant what she stated about her own intentions. Hidan still wouldn’t feel calm until they all were back home and until that troublesome Kyubi was sealed. 

Feeling a weird anxiety in his mind grow, Hidan sat down next to Zetsu. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I told you, it’s only a scratch.”

“A scratch that got poisoned.”

“It’s de-poisoned now.” Zetsu looked at Karin, a questioning glance appearing on his face. “Right?”

Karin nodded, an exhausted smile showing up on her face. “De-poisoned up to a state it won’t cause further damage. It can heal now.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. My duty as a medic”, Karin said, shaking her head and lowering her gaze. 

Fine. Fine enough. Maybe the girl was sincere enough. Hidan still didn’t know what to make of Orochimaru though. He should have asked Zetsu sometime earlier about his impression about the man. He could hardly do so now, with the girl sitting right next to them. And with her being around, Hidan couldn’t give in to his urge either to just take Zetsu’s hand. Or something. 

Still feeling like he needed to be on alert Hidan stayed still, intently listening. Orochimaru had promised to be back again soon, but how many minutes was “soon”? Damn, and what was that suspicious present he had been talking about? Why make a mystery about the matter like this?

Sunken deep into thoughts like this, Hidan got shaken by the sound of voices in the distance, coming from the place Orochimaru had disappeared towards. 

“This... Orochimaru? Is this you? What is the meaning of this?” An upset voice.

Orochimaru answering, too quiet to understand his words.

A third voice, words not understandable either, the timbre of it sending an odd jolt through Hidan’s muscles. 

The first voice started talking again: “I can’t believe it! That’s some move to make me indebted to you, isn’t it?”

“You’re unreasonably suspicious, as ever. I managed to further improve this jutsu, drastically so. And given the circumstances I simply deemed it a good fit for you two.”

“You could at least have given me my modified body back!”

“It wouldn’t have worked, using the puppet you had used as a body. It had to be your human form, I’m sorry.” Orochimaru hadn’t sounded sorry at all.

Hidan gripped Zetsu’s hand, feeling a dread descend upon his mind. He wanted to look towards the spot the voices were coming from but didn’t dare to, freezing further into place.

“Hidan?” Zetsu’s voice had sounded concerned. And it had been his newest, third facet talking, the one that tended to show up when things went really dire. 

“Orochimaru has everything under control.” Karin’s voice had sounded sincere, apologetic. 

Under control! Maybe from her point of view!

“Sasori. I get you’re upset, but how was he supposed to make this work with everything but… well. Your old body?” That voice. That voice, no, it couldn’t be! This was not possible! This voice was supposed to appear in Hidan’s thoughts only, and maybe in those recordings Zetsu did with his eyes (recordings Hidan would stay the hell away from), this voice wasn’t supposed to be heard in this world again!

“Easy for you to say! Look at you, your old jutsu is still in place! The stitches, the masks! All in place and ready to get used!”

“That’s because he never replaced his body. Only modified it a bit. You can’t compare this to the difficulty level of placing your you in the body of a puppet”, Orochimaru said. 

Sasori had sounded to start reluctant: “It’s still not fair. Orochimaru, admit it: You’re doing this to get some kind of leverage over us.”

“What I will admit is that I found ways to make my edo tensei even smoother in its execution. And that I was looking forward to try it out on someone deserving as the two of you.”

“Wait, is this place Konoha? It’s that forest again!? I was with Hidan the last time I was here, what happened to him?”

The voices were coming nearer, getting clearer. Tasting bile on his tongue Hidan grabbed Zetsu’s arm, his uninjured one, refusing to let go. This had to be a fucking genjutsu, hadn’t it? There were more voices around him but everything was starting to blur together, leaving him in a dense haze. The only thought he was still able to hold on to was that he had to make sure not to let go of Zetsu that was all he could think about right now. 

Hidan could sense movement in the corner of his eyes, the shape of three figures coming closer. Refusing to have a better look he kept his gaze fixed firmly at the empty space in front of him, toward the forest ground. “Zetsu, you’re still here, aren’t you?”

He could hear Zetsu’s voice, the collected tone of his third facet, but he couldn’t understand what he was saying. He was trying to understand his words, but he just couldn’t, everything sounded so jumbled and messy. 

“This is a genjutsu, right? Did Orochimaru inflict one upon us? I’m usually good at breaking out of them, but right now it just isn’t working, no matter what I try.” Hidan’s own voice had sounded strange and distant in his own ears. 

Time stopped, everything around him blending together into a hazy mess with no way out. 

It was ironically Orochimaru’s words reaching his mind the next time Hidan was able to understand anything being said around him again: “Yes, in hindsight it is my fault. How was I supposed to know this would turn out to be such a problem?”

“See, that’s exactly what I’ve been saying this entire time: The problem is not what you’re doing but that you never think far enough to realize how it affects your surroundings. Just warn the poor kid you’re going to rise people he knew from the dead! Of course he got a shock!” It was funny, Sasori’s voice really sounded a bit different now he was no longer a puppet. Or more, wasn’t a puppet anymore, having returned to what once must have been his human body. His human face looked oddly alike to his doll face though: Handsome and refined. 

Had Sasori just called Hidan a poor kid? How odd. But then, now he thought about it, the guy had to be several years older than he himself, hadn’t he? Searching for stability Hidan tightened his grip on Zetsu’s hand, noticing with relief that he was still sitting next to him. And now that he was thinking about it, maybe he wasn’t locked in a genjutsu after all?

“Stop screaming so much, he’s already upset enough as it is.” Kakuzu leaned down, gently taking Hidan’s chin, preventing him from avoiding his gaze. He looked as ever, scars on his face in place and everything. Odd was only that he wasn’t wearing his facial mask right now. “Hidan? Look at me. Listen, I know it’s a bit much to handle right now: Orochimaru used a jutsu that allows him to raise the dead, that’s what is happening. Alright?”

“You’re not a genjutsu then? Or a vision? I thought maybe Jashin-sama is sending me visions, but that doesn’t seem to be it either?”, Hidan asked. He supposed a genjutsu would have been perfectly able to lie to him, but he just couldn’t keep silent any longer. 

A shadow spread through Kakuzu’s face, sad and worried. He gave Hidan a pat on the head, gentle and short. Then he turned around, addressing Orochimaru with a resigned voice. “You did it. You erased the last bit of sanity that religious zealot had still left in his mind.”

Hidan angled his head, looking up at Kakuzu. The way he had just talked right now… that had indeed sounded like something Kakuzu would say. So, probably, probably Hidan wasn’t trapped in a genjutsu at all. Feeling how his eyes were starting to burn he lowered his gaze, trying to find the strength to hold a clearer thought. Next to him he felt Zetsu lay his arm around Hidan’s shoulder, drawing him in close. Some part of the confusion seeping into every corner of the situation started vanishing. Hidan refused letting go of the tension that was still holding his body in its grasp but leaned into their hug, closer to Zetsu. For the moment this felt like enough, even though Hidan still couldn’t think clearly at all.


	18. Archipelago

The TV was on and running. Hidan had been staring at its screen since this evening had started and yet couldn’t really recall much of the plot of the series that had been running this entire time. But now things were really starting to look contradictive: “Wait, why is she flirting with that snobby guy now? I thought she was together with the dude with the glasses?”

“She’s not yet together with either of them. It’s expected she will decide in tonight’s final”, Konan whispered, her eyes staying fixed on the screen.

“Oh. Okay.” Right. Made sense. Beautiful and upright girl standing between two handsome dudes, unable to choose one of them, that sounded indeed like the kind of plot you would find in these TV dramas. 

“It will end up being Masato, I fear”, Zetsu sighed, not sounding pleased by the prospect.

Hidan turned his head, looking up at him. “Who’s Masato again?”

“Glasses guy.”

“When did you start hating on Masato this much? I thought you liked him?”, Konan asked, leaning over from the armchair she was sitting in.

“Didn’t you see what he did when Kirie needed to get ready for her fashion show?”

“No. Missed that episode.”

Understanding showed up in Zetsu’s eyes. “You are going to see.”

Konan nodded, turning towards the screen again. “Guess so. Good they’re bringing reruns before the final airs; I missed some of those latest episode.”

“Missed a good chunk of them as well.”

“And after the fuss the kyubi raised, I really need a break, not going to lie.”

Hidan stayed silent, slouching down further on the couch he was sitting on next to Zetsu. That shithead kyubi and his buddies had raised a fuss indeed. And once the target had been secured, they had needed three days to separate the kyubi from its jinjuriki, and that despite Orochimaru having helped them with it: Another gesture of his to show his sincerity of keeping a stable treaty between their sides upright. 

Hidan felt a familiar tension spread through his mind. Yes, Orochimaru had helped with the kyubi, and Kakuzu and Sasori had helped with it too, because they were back again. As if they never had been away. Yes, as if they both never had been away! Kakuzu was back, he was really back, just like that!

The events on the screen managed to be confusing once again. “Why is she sewing another dress? She just finished that green one.”

“She needs two for that festival. She’s aiming to become a fashion designer, and her assignment is to sew two”, Zetsu explained. 

“Oh! Sewing clothes is not just her hobby then?”

“No. She wants to become a designer.”

“Wait! She’s not going to high school then, but that’s actually a fashion school?”

“Exactly.”

Oh, now things were finally beginning to make sense! All this time Hidan had assumed she was going to a normal high school and was part of some clothes sewing club. He had already started to wonder why she was getting so upset over what was happening in a mere after school club. 

Yes, yes, sealing the kyubi had been a fuss. The entire day had been a fuss, and so had been the days right after: Zetsu had just gotten better from getting poisoned by that shadow asshole. His arm had been numb almost this entire week. 

Yes, the day they had caught the kyubi had been a funny one. The sun had been set under the horizon since an eternity when Kisame and the others had finally arrived back on that clearing, carrying the unconscious fox with them. 

The events on the TV carried on. 

Konan gasped in outrage: “Why is Masato raising such a fuss when she needs to get ready to leave? She’s about to be late anyway!"

"Told you he was going to show his true colours by now. In hindsight, he always had this entitled streak, but just now was the moment he could no longer hide it anymore.” Despite the words being bitter, it had been Zetsu’s sweet side speaking, disappointment apparent in his voice. Apparently glasses dude had given reason to belief he was above petty shit like sabotaging the big day of his declared love due to some jealousy fit. 

Now Hidan was thinking about it, the moment he had fully and truly realized Kakuzu had been back for real was when he had seen Deidara give Sasori an overjoyed hug on that gloomy clearing: The sight of Sasori awkwardly but willingly returning the gesture had been the sight convincing Hidan he couldn’t be trapped in some weird genjutsu or vision after all. Because if someone would have asked him about such a hypothetical scenario before, he would never have assumed someone as cautious and distant and Sasori would be willing to display this sort of sentimental gesture. Especially not with everyone having been else present and watching. 

“I’m convinced now. Rather Wakamoto than Masato.” Konan sighed. “Or just let Kirie become a designer and good.”

Zetsu nodded in agreement. “Masato is definitely the lesser evil. He can be arrogant but he never tried stopping her dream.”

No longer bothering to resist the urge, Hidan leaned in closer against Zetsu. He was tired, damn it. Sealing the kyubi had been exhausting as fuck. The part of his mind able to hold clearer thoughts noted with content how Zetsu was leaning into the touch, laying his arm around Hidan’s middle. His right arm, the one that had gotten poisoned, the one that finally was no longer this numb from the injury.

A more resigned part of Hidan’s mind was fully aware that it had not only been because of the sealing of the kyubi he was still feeling this tired. He could manage participating in a fucking sealing jutsu, even if he had to hold it up for several days. No, what truly had been overwhelming had been grasping the fact that Kakuzu was back again. A beautiful, blessed and joyous fact and yet one that left Hidan completely at loss of how to deal with it. 

“Isn’t Masato done already?” Konan’s objection had been justified. Hidan still wasn’t grasping the entire complexity of the plot unfolding on the screen, but he could say for sure that he already had enough of this Masato person. 

“What’s the appeal of this Masato asshole? Did he ever do something to nice for her or shit?” Hidan had to know: The entire time that dude was either brooding around or initiating some pointlessly performative romantic gesture. That dude felt so empty behind his pretty face. 

Konan sighed, sounding at loss. “They met when she was new in town? He offered to write music for her when she first participated in a fashion show and needed a song for the presentation.”

“That was right at the beginning though”, Zetsu huffed. “Since then he has been very eager to get more dates with her.”

Of course he was eager. Because he wanted to bang that Kirie. Transparent. “What is his appeal again?”

“He writes music. And is conventionally handsome, I suppose.”

“This. Plus, brooding musicians seem to be romantic?”, Konan added, sounding like she was speculating as well. 

All of this sounded like a believable explanation but Hidan wasn’t convinced. Once the final episode aired, he felt more than satisfied that this Kirie person had been sound of mind enough to dismiss this singing idiot and pick that Watamoto dude instead. It felt like witnessing a small victory, partially because at least for this evening the world had ended up making some sense again, even if it only had been on the screen of the TV.


	19. Curfew Violations

“Now, there’s the flour I needed, nice!”, Hidan said.

Some things never changed, apparently, Kakuzu thought, coming to a halt under the doorframe leading to the kitchen, getting distracted by the scene in front of him.

“You need something else still?”

“No, that was all I was lacking. Thanks a lot, Tobi!”

“I’ll be on my way then?”, Tobi announced, walking out of the kitchen, leaving Hidan alone with the plastic bag full of groceries.

Kakuzu stepped out of the way to let him through. Some things never changed. Tobi might have proven to be more competent than initially assumed during the capture and sealing of the kyubi, but he still was stuck at acting as Akatsuki’s unofficial errand boy. But he still didn’t seem to mind though.

Hidan turned his head, the composure starting to disappear from his face, indicating that he hadn’t noticed Kakuzu’s presence until now. The next second a forced calm was back on his face, almost but not quite succeeding in erasing the conflicting emotions still flickering behind his eyes. “Don’t sneak around like this! You caught me by surprise!”

Kakuzu only nodded, not finding it in him to lose his calm due to getting snapped at. From what he had seen, snapping at people seemed to be Hidan’s newly developed way to hide it when he felt upset or surprised (or scared): The quickly rising anger a noisy flash that would disappear almost as instantly as it had shown up, as long as you just ignored it instead of making a big deal out of it. So Kakuzu had no plans making a big deal out of it: “Tobi dashing around with groceries caught my attention. I didn’t know you can cook after all.”

Hearing those words a sheepish smile showed up on Hidan’s face, its self-aware edge erasing the last traces of his little screaming fit. “I’m just making those pancakes again. You know, the ones I’ve made before. I’m not sure one can call that cooking.”

“Oh. Oh, those.” There had been occasions Kakuzu had tasted those very pancakes. They had been surprisingly tasty, given Hidan had made them. “As far as I’m concerned you can call that cooking though.”

Hidan averted his gaze, unpacking the rest of the plastic bag. “Breakfast for dinner. There are some unlucky souls who actually want to try them.”

“More like souls being in for a pleasant surprise.”

Hearing this Hidan quickly raised his head, an unsure smile flickering on his face.

Not knowing if he should leave the room or just stay, Kakuzu lingered on. The longer he stayed in this unfamiliar kitchen lit in the hazy light of an early summer evening, the more he got hit by the realization how much time had passed since the last time he… well, since the last time he had been in his other state of immortality. The state of immortality not fuelled on by any jutsu Orochimaru had installed but had been set in place by Kakuzu himself.

“Hey, listen, do you want to stay? Are you hungry? I mean, now that I’m about to make them I might as well do some more.”

Feeling himself hesitate Kakuzu tried grabbing some fitting words. He didn’t want to impose. Since he had come back, he found himself wondering constantly if he was imposing upon something. It was hard not to with so many circumstances having changed.

“I promised Konan some too. When she heard that I’m actually able to make something else than frozen dinner, she wouldn’t believe it. So she declared herself pancake test subject.”

If Konan was there… if Konan was there than Kakuzu wasn’t really imposing on anything, wasn’t he? “I… if you insist? I guess I could stay then.”

“Cool!”, Hidan said, a relieved smile showing up on his face. “And yes, I do insist, just so you know!” Hidan’s smile widened into a grin, the cocky sort that had used to display on his face often. Seeing it felt like a weird sort of normality returning, the prospect there was something like the promise of calming routine waiting in the near future.

Kakuzu let hear a huff, unable to openly return the sentiment directed at him, instead trying to make it seem as if he felt sceptical about the entire matter. For no other reason than alone the concept of enthusiastically committing to a suggested idea (a suggested emotion) felt foreign and strange. And the last few days had held enough of strange situations so Kakuzu couldn’t help but to try and appear as his usual detached self.

Still bouncing with a restless sort of energy Hidan picked up the flour, having a good look at it. “Even the flour is the right sort this time, nice, very nice”, he muttered under his breath. He opened the drawer, getting out a bowl to mix the ingredients in. “And before you ask: No, you’re not allowed to help this time.”

“How disappointing.”

“Isn’t it?”

Somewhere on the upper floor a door fell shut, slightly, as if the wind had closed it.

Hidan was still gripping the package of flour, staring at the empty space ahead of him. “Kakuzu?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been thinking over and over again, how things had went down on that day. If I hadn’t been stupid enough to let those bastards separate us, well, then things might not have ended the way they did. It’s all my fault.”

That wasn’t… Why… How… Kakuzu felt himself freeze into place. Where had all of this just come from? “Hidan, no. I wasn’t blaming you.”

Hidan turned his head, looking up at Kakuzu, eyes gleaming with the weight of unshed tears. “Oh, but you should. You should blame me. Back in the forest you died because of me.”

“That’s not true!” Kakuzu had thought about that day repeatedly since he had been back as well. Over and over again. “It was not your fault. Look, I don’t like admitting it, but our enemies back then were skilled.” Regardless of the question that there might have been things they both could have done better… “How things had ended was not your fault.”

“Yes, it was. You’re right. I’m too impulsive and I end up causing trouble when acting on that, dragging things out for no good reason and all that stuff.” Hidan shrugged his shoulders, a helpless expression descending upon his face. “I do apologize, ok? For everything.”

But Kakuzu wasn’t blaming him! Honestly! It was just… the last few days had been so odd. Thinking about everything that had went down on that day felt so odd, knowing it had been months ago but felt as if it had been maybe less than a week.

But it hadn’t been a week. Might his sense of time keep insisting to tell him only a few days had passed since the day in that forest in Konoha, one single look at Hidan set clear that this could not be the case. He looked changed. Affected, a dense shadow hanging over his face that hadn’t been there before. A change in his posture, making it look like he was held back by invisible weights dragging him down. The fact that something about his immortality kept subtly signalising that Hidan wasn’t aging any further, was physically stuck at the age where his God had decided to give him this highest amount of healing power and even immortality his faith could give their followers only made this change this much worse.

And to this came the bits of information Kakuzu had been told during the last few days but couldn’t imagine fully, still was failing to grasp and fathom: Being buried alive while blown to pieces, all of this while the mind was still working. How? Why?

During the last few centuries Kakuzu had seen a number of battles, fights and wars, so many that he couldn’t count them properly anymore. Making him feel he had seen them all, the various ways humans invented to inflict pain upon each other. He had felt he had seen it all, only to realize during the last few days there still had been traces of naivety left in himself he had believed to be dead: When it came to thinking up ways to inflict suffering upon another, the human creativity knew no boundaries. None. Sometimes you didn’t even need physical violence for it, sometimes mental torture was enough.

He wanted to tell Hidan all of this but couldn’t. Partially because he always had been terrible when it had come to putting his feelings into words, the task more difficult the more heartfelt his sentiments were. Partially because he knew that the kind of guilt directed at him wasn’t the kind of emotion you could erase by ensuring there was nothing to feel guilty about. And taking this into consideration, who was he to deny Hidan the piece of closure Kakuzu would be able to give him if he just pulled himself together for a moment and tried?

Kakuzu held Hidan’s gaze, refusing to look away: “Let’s fight better the next time then. We both survived that day and we will use that experience to get stronger. How does that sound?” (Stronger together. They had always worked well together as a team. This had been a shared knowledge between them, a fact so stable it hadn’t needed to be addressed, a knowledge strengthened by continuing to see no matter what bickering might have taken place between them, the moment circumstances went dire they could rely upon another completely.)

A trace of uncertain hope had set itself into Hidan’s voice, an echo of this very sentiment flickering behind his eyes. “You accept my apology then? We’re good?”

“We’re good.” Kakuzu’s ears started to ring and the next moment he forced himself to continue voicing out what had been on his mind this entire time: “And please accept mine: I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

Kakuzu’s ears kept on ringing.

“Fuck. Oh, fuck!” Hidan rubbed his hand over his face, eyes widening in confusion. When he had found his voice again, it sounded like he needed the last bit of his strength to make his voice sound stable: “I wasn’t blaming you, you fucker! I wasn’t, just so you know! This… damn. Of course I fucking accept! Fuck!”

Kakuzu lowered his gaze, feeling a heavy weight settle into his mind. Oh, fuck indeed! Fuck talking, fuck thinking! They’ve had done enough of that for today. Following a helpless urge he took a step closer, awkwardly starting to pat Hidan’s shoulder.

Hidan was still hiding his face behind his hand. “I’m super glad Orochimaru brought you back, you know!”

Kakuzu felt his mind go blank. He had not expected to hear a sentiment like this put into words. Since too long to remember people were barely ever glad to have him around, let alone looking forward seeing him come back. Be it from the land of the dead or any other place. “And I’m glad Zetsu managed to get you out of that hole.” Giving in to his impulse before he could think better of it, Kakuzu put his arms round Hidan, giving him a tentative hug. A hug to comfort someone couldn’t be much worse than saying all that embarrassing sappy shit he had just voiced out, couldn’t it?

Apparently Kakuzu’s hunch had been the right one.

Hidan returned the hug, leaning his head against Kakuzu’s chest, hiding his face in an attempt to conceal he had started to cry. Kakuzu let him, intending to stay a hiding spot for Hidan’s tear filled eyes as long as it would be needed. A leaden fog spreading through his lungs told him it was the least he could to.

* * *

“I’m back”, Kakuzu announced, feeling it was the polite thing to do. Since he and Sasori had come back they had ended up sharing a room, with space at their current hideout being limited as it was and everything.

“Welcome back”, Sasori said, looking up from whatever book he had been reading.

Stepping closer Kakuzu saw that it was one of Sasori’s books about puppetry. Being the genius he was at building puppets, what novelty and interest could a book like this hold for him? Or was it the other way around, had Sasori developed into the kind of genius he was because he felt like engaging with the material regardless if it held much novelty for him or not?

Sasori’s eyes didn’t leave him, not until Kakuzu had sat down onto the edge of his own bed. “You were gone for quite a while”, Sasori finally said.

Kakuzu looked at the alarm clock standing on their shared nightstand. True, he had been away for some time. “Dinner. I was eating dinner. Pancakes. Hidan made some.”

“Pancakes for dinner?” Now Sasori had sounded baffled.

Not knowing how to counter this Kakuzu just shrugged his shoulders. “They were very good. Konan said so too.” Yes, Konan had said so too, sounding all enthusiastic. So had Zetsu, but Kakuzu had the impression he would have eaten anything Hidan would have put on his plate. Or maybe Kakuzu only thought so because Zetsu had the stomach to eat raw meat. (No, the stomach thing hadn’t been the cause behind this impression, not at all.)

A sharp gleam flamed up behind Sasori’s eyes. “Konan was there, huh. Who else, Zetsu?”

“What? What, oh, yes. Konan and Zetsu too.”

The gleam behind Sasori’s eyes grew more intense, shifting into something pondering and detached. “Give it a year the most and he’ll have converted to that Jashinism. Ah, what am I saying, a year! Less!”

Kakuzu felt his confusion grow. “You mean Zetsu?”

Sasori only nodded.

Now that was a completely absurd statement. “I’ve never taken him as the religious kind.” At all.

“Because so far he lacked the right kind of motivation. Less than a year, I’m telling you.” Sasori had sounded very content, almost smug about the observation he was making.

“And you base your observation on what? That he is eating Hidan’s pancakes?” That would have been even more absurd. Konan had liked them as well and she showed no sign of drifting towards Jashinism. At all.

Sasori still looked content. “In fact, yes. Partially.” Taking a deep breath, he looked down on his book again. “Either way, I’m glad you got something tasty to eat.”

A realization dawned on Kakuzu, late and guilt ridden: “I should have asked you to come and join us as well. I’m sorry, I forgot.”

Hearing this Sasori firmly shook his head, sitting up from where he had been laying on his bed. “No, no, don’t worry! I’m not hungry to begin with!” He appeared almost upset Kakuzu had jumped to conclusion.

“I should have asked.” Kakuzu should have. But the entire evening had felt so weird. Something in Kakuzu’s mind had jumbled up, put itself into a loop, making it hard to think and keep a clear thought in mind.

Sasori shook his head, briskly. “I appreciate the thought. But I wouldn’t have eaten anything. I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t trying to imply anything here.” The look in his eyes getting distant, gripping his still opened book, Sasori continued in a calmer voice: “I ate around noon. It’s all good.”

Noon? Kakuzu felt his head getting clearer, at least a bit. Enough to think more complicated thoughts again: “That has been hours. You sure you’re not hungry?” Immortality given by that new jutsu aside, they needed to look after their newly regained bodies now. Orochimaru had said so himself, leaving them with instructions.

“I’m sure!”, Sasori insisted, sounding strict.

Kakuzu couldn’t help but starting to get worried by this. It was… it was the truth he and Sasori were sharing a space due to the number of rooms in this building being limited. But it was also the truth he didn’t feel averse to the fact. Sasori was sensible, level headed and easy to go along with. At least as far as Kakuzu was concerned. And now he was thinking about it, they had always been a bit alike. He had felt so before… back then. And now the feeling got strengthened by the impression they had grown alike even further. Due to their source of immortality now being the same. Due to having returned from the land of the dead together.

The thing was, getting brought back to life felt somewhat weird and Sasori was the one who understood. The one who understood without them needing to talk much about it.

Yes, sometimes talking was necessary and kind of okay, but more often than not it felt like an exhausting hassle. The truth was, if he could afford to, Kakuzu preferred not to talk about certain issues. The fact he had very much needed to address some pressing issues with Hidan just some while ago only had strengthened this impression.

Still, Sasori needed to eat.

Letting hear a sigh Sasori closed his book, looking at Kakuzu. “I’m going to eat something the next time I’m hungry. But the thing is, I don’t really feel like eating at the moment.”

“You’ve got a stomach ache or something?” If he had, Kisame had medication for that.

Sasori’s expression turned hesitant. And vary. “Kakuzu… The last time I needed to eat was years ago.”

Kakuzu went still. Oh. Oh yes, of course. As a puppet Sasori wouldn’t have needed to eat at all.

“It just feels weird. Needing to eat again”, Sasori said, folding his arms in front of his chest.

“I see…”

“Not only eating. This morning, I needed to take a shower. I mean, that’s what you need to do, when you have a normal body. It gets dirty and… you need to keep it clean, there’s always something not feeling well and… it’s just so weird.”

Kakuzu didn’t know what to say. Yes, what Sasori had pointed out was true but… well. Reminding him that this was the default state of any human body wouldn’t have been helpful either. “I guess having a puppet for a body must feel very different in comparison”, Kakuzu finally said.

Sasori was still sitting there with his back all straight and tense, but some harsh light behind his eyes seemed to waver, slowly starting to crumble. When he continued talking he looked completely unhappy: “Yes. It feels very different. I know how that must sound, but I don’t know if I can get used to having a normal body again.”

“You want to go back being a puppet then?”, Kakuzu finally asked, overcoming his hesitation. Sasori never had liked it when people pried on his personal matters, overstepped their boundaries or were simply acting rude but… he was still looking so unhappy. At loss.

Sasori shrugged his shoulders, slouching down on his bed. “What’s the use now? After I experienced its flaws. Going through the effort again, even though I know it has such a vital weakness… I did it once and it didn’t work out after all. So.”

Feeling he had run out of useful words, Kakuzu only nodded. This entire evening he had felt helpless and at loss what to do and now that he had returned to their shared room this feeling only insisted to continue.

Looking a tad more collected again Sasori went on: “Besides, our bodies are not fully normal, with the way they are right now. So maybe becoming a puppet again wouldn’t work.”

“True.” Right. They were both under the influence of edo tensei.

“But you know, maybe that’s a chance.” Sasori leaned his head on his hands, eyes becoming full of concentration. “We’re under a justu that is keeping our bodies the way they are right now, the way they looked when returned back into this world. If I just manage to get used to a biological body again… maybe I can find ways to create beauty and eternity out of this state of existence?”

“You could try. You should try.”

“I will!”, Sasori declared, looking slightly less sad. Less lost.

Regardless of what had taken place the last few days, he and Sasori had always been a bit alike, hadn’t they?

“You’re really angry at Orochimaru then, that he brought you back?” Kakuzu felt himself freeze, a cold shiver crawling down his spine. He had no idea why he had just asked this.

Funnily Sasori didn’t look surprised by the question. At all. “Are you angry at him that he brought you back?”

Kakuzu’s fingers gripped the blanket of the bed he was sitting on. His mind recalled Hidan, how he had told Kakuzu that he was glad to have him back. Recalled the raw sincerity in his voice and in his eyes when he had voiced the sentiment. “I’m not”, Kakuzu said, shaking his head.

Hearing this Sasori nodded in agreement. “Neither am I, you know? Even though I hate the thought of having to be thankful to that snake.”

Kakuzu glanced towards the window. It was already so late, but it was still bright outside, a sign of summer coming closer. He was still looking at the grey sky getting laced with soft clouds of orange when Sasori continued talking: “You know what else?”

Kakuzu turned his head, looking at Sasori while silently shaking his head.

The few seconds passing on felt like they were expanded, slightly longer than a normal second was supposed to feel.

Looking like sitting upright had become too much of a strain Sasori flopped back on his bed, looking at the ceiling. “You know what Deidara said to me this morning? That he is happy to have me back.”

Kakuzu’s nails clawed into his blanket further. “Did he?”

“Yes. And he even meant it.” Sasori let hear a deep sigh that sounded completely absentminded. As if breathing and letting hear sighs was something he wasn’t used to be able to do again either. “But you know, I’m glad that brat is continuing to work together with Kisame. As a team unit, I mean. Being stuck with him is the most annoying thing I can imagine, but in moderation, well, in moderation Deidara is actually not that bad a company.”

“He isn’t.” Actually he was pretty alright. Kakuzu had seen that the arms he had sewn back on Deidara were still looking well and stable, that they had healed well, and had felt glad witnessing this.

“He isn’t that bad a company”, Sasori repeated, rolling to his side and taking the book into his hands again. “I need to rebuild all my puppets from scratch now, you know?”

“That sounds… that sounds annoying.” Trying to get more comfortable Kakuzu took his pillow, putting it against the wall, leaning against it. He was all tense, he needed to relax or at least he needed to try it.

“Yes, kind of.” Sasori sighed, resignation taking him into its grip. “This could be a chance to build something new and beautiful, I guess.”

Kakuzu nodded, suddenly feeling guilty his body had returned with the very same jutsu he had used on himself during the last few years (decades). Even his masks were back, shielding the additional hearts resting on his back. “Sasori?”

“Hm?”

“Next time I make sure to remember and ask you to join us for dinner.”

Sasori hesitated, a cautious shadow setting onto his face. “I wouldn’t have eaten anything. Really. Stomach too upset and everything.”

Still. “It would be nice to have you around anyway.” It was the truth. After all he and Sasori had always been a bit alike. Kakuzu hoped he wasn’t the only one with that impression and that Sasori thought the same. At least a bit.

Maybe he did. Hearing the sentiment, a very brittle looking smile showed up on Sasori’s face, the fragility of it making Kakuzu fully realize he was no longer dealing with someone using the body of a puppet. But that for the first time he had the chance to see how Sasori had been as someone entirely human. “Next time you’ll ask me, I’ll tag along then.”

Really, that had been all Kakuzu had been hoping for. Almost despite himself he felt a smile showing up on his face, feeling a bit more of that leaden fog weighing down his chest leave.


	20. Once Sealed in Blood

Zetsu opened the leaves of his summon, instantly looking around their destination now that they had arrived. It was a fixed habit, something he always tended to do when using the shifting jutsu: A simple precaution to avoid nasty surprises.

“Whoa, it’s bright as fuck up here”, Hidan announced, the slight wavering in his voice indicating him commenting on the weather was an attempt to distract that travelling this way still would let him feel claustrophobic.

“It often is up here. When there’s still fog in the lower areas”, Zetsu said, nodding towards the slope leading down into the valley. The entire lowlands were covered in a low fog, leaving only the top of the mountain unaffected.

Hidan nodded, gaze wandering into the distance. “So nice.” His voice had sounded stable, but his hands were still grabbing the fabric of Zetsu’s sleeves, holding on tight.

The thing was, for a while Hidan’s claustrophobia had almost disappeared completely. But since the day they had caught the Kyubi it had gotten worse again, almost as strong as in the beginning, when Hidan had just gotten out of that wretched hole. But well, sometimes developments didn’t go linear. Sometimes you had drawbacks. That didn’t mean matters stagnated. It was just that Zetsu was feeling sad about the fact them moving around like this always ended up in Hidan feeling this distressed.

He wanted to say something but then Hidan had already let go of him, turning towards the lake. “Oh, look! The reed is growing stronger now.”

Zetsu turned his head, looking towards the lake. It was the truth, the meagre vegetation of this place had slightly grown stronger now that summer was marching on, the bright sunlight shining on the place increasing the impression of forlorn beauty. “The place changed since we were here the last time, yes.”

“Do you think this affects the lake as well? Maybe there will be some fish in it anytime soon!” Hidan sounded genuinely enthusiastic about the prospect.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I’m not sure though this kind of lake is the kind of place suitable for fish to begin with.”

“Ah, man!”

“Why do you want for fish to settle in this strongly anyway? Want to fish and catch some?”

Hidan firmly shook his head. “Nothing the like. Fishing! Lack the patience for that. No, I just find it cute when you look at a pond and you see those fish groups near the shore.”

“Those fish groups?” Zetsu was beginning to feel at loss, like he was missing something.

“Yes. Fish groups. Man, I don’t know any fish sorts or the like. Just those… small fish that hang around in groups in some lakes. Or rivers.” Hidan tilted his head, thinking. “Or in lakes, whatever. Just in any kind of fresh water.”

“They do?” The description sounded plausible but Zetsu had to admit that he had never payed any attention if he was seeing some fish in any source of water he was near. The main thing he was interested in those situations was, if he was surrounded by a threat or not. And he didn’t care about fishing either, so there never had been a reason to pay attention to any fish that just swam around without being a danger.

A gleam appeared behind Hidan’s eyes, a good-natured grin showing up on his face. “Next time I see some I’m going to show them to you.” Turning around again he started walking towards the lake. “Maybe some fish are already in here after all?”

“Maybe”, Zetsu said, following Hidan down the slope. He doubted fish would get to live near this place any time soon, but there was no reason to fully rule out the possibility of it either. “Can you see any?”

Hidan shook his head, coming to a halt at the shore of the lake, looking at the surface of the water. “No. Only those bugs that walk on the water.”

“Oh. Those again.”

“Yes and… wait. Are those snails?”

Zetsu looked towards the spot Hidan was pointing at, at the thin water plants growing under the surface. “You’re right, yes. Very small ones, but snails none the like.”

Hidan let hear a content huff. “That’s so cool!” With this he sat down on one of the larger rocks located right next to the lake, an absentminded smile on his face that seemed to carry the echo of his earlier grin.

Zetsu sat down next to him, guessing he should say something but feeling utterly devoid of any words. There was so much he wanted to say to Hidan these days and every time he thought of the words to wrap these feelings in he felt lacking and clumsy and decided to stay silent after all.

It didn’t come as a surprise Hidan pulled him into an enthusiastic hug the next moment, but his body went tense immediately anyway. “My grumpy guard dog! Stop pouting already and come here!”

“I told you not to call me that.” Zetsu felt his face blush and the next moment his body was leaning into the touch and relaxing on its own accord, as if he hadn’t a say in the matter. The thing was, maybe he really had no choice after all. Not anymore. Most likely even never had had one to begin with. The thought felt oddly calming.

“Well, you did. But then your sweet side was telling me the other day that it was alright after all, so what is it now?”, Hidan asked, letting his chin rest on Zetsu’s shoulder while hugging him from behind. His voice had sounded strangely concerned.

“It’s fine as long as no one else is around to hear it.”

“Eh, I get that, alright. It’s gotten kind of cramped lately, hasn’t it?”

“Slightly so.”

“Especially since that skinny redhead joined leader and Konan. He’s their close friend but they never mentioned him?”

“Sometimes you don’t mention someone just because they are important to you”, Zetsu pointed out.

“True again.” Hidan went silent, tightening his grip around Zetsu. “I mean, I like everyone being around, so I’m not really complaining or anything. No one turned out to be a roommate from hell. It’s just annoying having to be quiet every time we have sex.”

“Excuse me?!”

“What? It’s the truth. Going to a love hotel would be more convenient.”

Zetsu’s blush intensified, making it feel as if his face was on fire. “I’m not going to get caught by some ANBU because I went careless and was stupid enough to go to a love hotel.”

“I know!” Hidan sounded offended. “I wasn’t suggesting anything. I was just saying if -and only if- it was possible it would be more convenient.”

“Yes, yes. I get your point.” Perfectly so. “You are right with your observation.”

“See? Was all I wanted to point out”, Hidan said, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Zetsu’s cheek. “No reason for my grumpy guard dog to get so upset.”

“Your guard dog is going to lose his patience one of these days.” Despite his words Zetsu leaned into the touch, noting with content how Hidan was beginning to ruffle his hand through his hair.

“How does it look like, you losing your patience?” Hidan had tried keeping his tone light, but a curiosity had crept into the edges of his voice.

Suddenly the rock they were sitting on felt were hard and forlorn. Uninviting. “You saw traces of it when I dealt with the pet deer of that Nara person.”

“Guess I did.” Hidan was still brushing his hand through Zetsu’s hair, gently, lightly. “To think the Leaf was stupid enough to get their jinjuriki back into Konoha instead of keeping it better hidden.”

“Zetsu shrugged his shoulders. “That’s what eventually happens with all of those big nations. They get careless.” Arrogant.

Hidan hummed in agreement. For a moment he went silent, staring at the surface of the lake. “Zetsu? So, what would it have looked like when you had been alone with that shadow shithead? I kind of interrupted what you had been doing there.” Hidan had, cutting off the head of that Nara person before any more unpleasant surprises could have come from him.

Zetsu straightened his back, looking Hidan into the eyes. “Want to see?”

An uneasy grin appeared on Hidan’s face. “What, you want to show me now? I don’t know, only if it is not painful?”

So, he had picked up the intention behind Zetsu’s words. “No, it’s not going to be painful. I’ll stop right before it would become so.”

Hidan lowered his gaze, a gloomy shadow falling onto his face that seemed atypical to the emotions he let himself display most of the time, an echo of the sombre landscape around them. “Well, if you stop right then, alright, then it’s good.”

“Shall I go on then?”

Meeting Zetsu’s gaze again Hidan only nodded.

“Don’t get surprised; maybe that’s going to tickle or the like.” With this Zetsu slowly raised his hand, activated the shifting jutsu on his arm -and only on his arm- and put his hand into Hidan’s chest, right through his ribcage.

Hidan stayed still, realization spreading through his face. Zetsu kept looking for growing fear or repulsion but sensed none. Good.

“My hand is still transparent. It’s…” He moved his arm a bit. “My hand is now right over your heart. Can you imagine what would happen if I made my arm solid again right now?”

Hidan let hear a nervous laugh, a lopsided grin appearing on his face. “I can imagine in detail. Do you think that would count as a prayer in our case?”

“I wouldn’t like to use it like that.”

Hidan took a deep breath, the unease disappearing from his face. The realization in his eyes stayed. “No, maybe better not. You’re just holding my heart in your hand right now.”

Zetsu held Hidan’s gaze. “I do.” He wanted to retrieve his hand again but found he couldn’t move. Yes, maybe Zetsu never had been given a choice in all of this, but the realization that it might have been the same for Hidan made the circumstances feel brighter again.

Sometimes the thoughts in Zetsu’s mind went very bitter and dark and he didn’t always like towards what paths his thoughts led him then. No, he hadn’t been able to move right now but he hadn’t made his arm solid either. Taking a deep breath Zetsu moved his hand, taking it out of Hidan’s chest. “And that’s how I finish this when I’m at it. Only with, well, you can imagine that usually I take the heart with me or the like.”

“Always the heart?” Hidan had sounded disappointed.

“No. More often I rip out part of the lung, or a rib or whatever chunk of flesh I get to grab at that moment.”

“Oh! I see!”

“Or I grab nothing at all and just let the arm get solid.”

Hidan avoided his gaze, refusing to meet Zetsu’s eyes. “My guard dog has teeth.”

Hadn’t Hidan been aware of that? Surely he must have been. “Otherwise he wouldn’t be a guard dog”, Zetsu simply added. If Hidan insisted using that ridiculous nickname, then Zetsu might as well go along with it.

“Otherwise he wouldn’t be”, Hidan agreed, still refusing to meet Zetsu’s gaze but pulling him into a hug again. He held him tight, one hand starting to play with his hair again, the other letting its fingernails chip against the silver chain around Zetsu’s neck. “You have the softest hair, do you know that?”

Well, according to Hidan that seemed to be the case indeed. “You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true. Simple facts.”

“It’s just… Well. If you think so.”

“Simple facts”, Hidan whispered, placing a kiss right into Zetsu’s hair. “All fluffy and it smells good.”

Zetsu huffed, feeling like he was devoid of words. Hidan could be so sappy. Not that Zetsu felt averse to that, not really. More of the contrary. But… what was he supposed to say to those things?

Kissing Zetsu’s forehead Hidan kept playing with the rosary around Zetsu’s neck. “Maybe we could use that ripping the heart out thing as a prayer after all?”

“No. I absolutely refuse to.” Did Hidan really mean that seriously or… or why was there such a hesitant shadow placed over his voice?

“Yes, alright. Maybe it really wouldn’t be appropriate”, Hidan said, failing to hide the relief in his voice.

“Even if it’s for prayer I’m not going to hurt you”, Zetsu said, because some facts needed to be voiced out. They needed to. He knew he could be distant and cold at times, so he needed to clarify after all what his thoughts were about certain matter.

“It’s just me making thoughtless dumb suggestion again, just ignore me”, Hidan mumbled, voice muffled by how near they were. A soft clinking noise chipped through the air, the closeness of their embrace making the pendants of their rosaries clink together. A soft and silent noise, but one that seemed to be so unexpected in this bleak place.

Maybe Hidan’s impressions had been along the same line: “I’m so happy you decided to open your heart for Jashin-sama, you know?”

Zetsu shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say to this. It just had seemed like the logical decision at some point. First with the tale of Saint Iargeh giving hope that there was a place for anyone straying from the norm. And then, with realizing that the sentiment held in the Saint was simply an echo of what the entire teachings of Jashinism were telling: Being different is no sin. If someone hurts you, hurt them back. Those who mindlessly inflict pain upon others are driven by sin and enduring hurt is no virtue. And because Jashin can’t erase the pain in the world, the only thing he can do is to make his believers immune against the consequences of it, carving them into something stronger by using the unavoidable.

It had been so different from everything that had been said to him growing up in Hidden Grass: What makes you different is an inconvenience and you must invest energy to lessen how it affects your surroundings. Carry the burden for others as those above the lower ones have the right to pass along their pain. The reason someone is different is because they did something wrong in their past life and are now carrying the punishment for it. So, don’t complain; it’s your own fault.

Those had been the echo of the grass, getting repeated from countless sources into his ears like a mindless mantra.

So unlike Jashinism which asked you to focus on the moment with the goal to carve a beautiful future drenched in Jashin’s power.

Plus, Zetsu might never have been the religious kind, but sharing the same holidays made some things much easier.

Or something. Strengthening the grip of his arms around Hidan, Zetsu started talking. “There is no good reason to hurt you, so I’m not doing it.”

“Special treatment for anyone not being a heathen?”

“Special treatment for you.”

Hearing this Hidan went silent. He leaned back, meeting Zetsu’s eyes, blush on his cheeks spreading: “I’m sure that could count as heresy in some light.”

“Really?” It sounded unlikely but then, Zetsu had yet to get familiar with the entire canon Jashinism held.

Hidan face was effectively red by now. “No! It wouldn’t! I was just saying that because!”

“Oh. That’s good then.”

Hidan let hear a suffering groan. “You don’t even ask what I meant with “because”, you don’t.”

Zetsu couldn’t stop a content smile spreading through his face. The sort that he knew was more showing teeth than indicating joy. “That’s because you make it obvious what it means.”

Blinking in disbelieve Hidan now positively looked like he was suffering. “Hubris is a sin.”

“Oh?”

“So is vanity.”

Zetsu felt his smile widening into a grin. “I’m feeling neither though. I’m just coming to a conclusion about what you think. I never claimed I shared your opinions.” Because part of him didn’t. Every time Hidan petted his hair and claimed it felt all silky and fluffy the world felt wrong, not the way it was supposed to be, exactly because those moments felt so peaceful. Part of him still was under the panicked impression he had been caught up in some practical joke that had went on for too long. Part of him really held the wish to rip Hidan’s heart out of his chest and keep it. On some days it seemed like the only safe way to never lose it.

Hidan frowned, giving him a heavy stare that seemed to see right into the most forlorn corners of Zetsu’s mind. “I just told you earlier that I’m not lying. I’m not. So, you’re not allowed to doubt it when I think those things about you.”

“I’m not?” Zetsu got surprised how sad his voice had sounded. He had assumed he would have been able to hide it, with how much of a shield his teeth baring grin had felt to be.

Hidan huffed. “I know. I just keep convincing you. Then you’ll see one day for yourself.” With this he leaned forward, placing a kiss right on Zetsu’s lips that felt stormy and clumsy. Glad that he was freed from the burden of searching for the right words for a moment, Zetsu returned the kiss, the urgency he was doing this with a denial this wasn’t more than a convenient excuse to stop talking. Throwing his arms around Hidan’s neck he pulled him in closer, the conviction in him growing that he wouldn’t let go of him as long as they were up here on the mountain. It was the truth, their base could end up feeling a bit cramped these days, and though Zetsu didn’t mind the company of their comrades, he had to agree that it could get in the way of the most innocent things.

Letting his lips linger on Zetsu’s Hidan gradually ended their kiss, taking heavy breaths. “Is your arm feeling better again then?”, he finally asked, letting his fingers trace the wrist of Zetsu’s right hand.

Don’t tell him he was still worrying about that. It had been so many weeks. “It’s all well again, I keep telling you.”

“Numbness all gone?”

“Numbness all gone. In my entire arm.” Slightly leaning forward Zetsu gave Hidan a short but firm kiss. “I’d be the first to complain otherwise. Not being able to feel you would be inconvenient”, he said, emphasizing his point by ruffling his right hand through Hidan’s hair. It had all grown longer now, the short spots almost no longer visible. Hidan never voiced it out but it was apparent he felt glad he could wear his hair the way he preferred it again.

Hidan made an agreeing noise, holding still to let his hair get petted. All was beginning to feel woozy and timeless until a sudden noise reached their ears. The noise of a frog.

Hidan froze, turning his head against the lake. “That rascal is peeking, I’m telling you.”

Hearing this Zetsu had to smile. “The frog is just marking his territory. Or whatever frogs do when making noise.”

“It sees us as concurrence then.”

“Maybe. Or there are some rival frogs around who try invading its lake and it making noise has nothing to do with us at all.”

“Must be it”, Hidan decided, leaning against Zetsu’s side while looking at the lake. “Maybe we see it today?”

“Maybe”, Zetsu said, laying his arm around Hidan’s waist, holding him close.

“Must be a small frog though, I guess. With the lake being this sparse.”

“Possible. There are those water bugs around though.”

“And snails.” Hidan paused, leaning his head against Zetsu’s shoulder. He’d do that whenever the plant summon was retreated enough to do so, as if he was afraid that thing would eventually hide Zetsu away from him. Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

Next to him Hidan hesitated. “Do frogs eat snails though?”, he finally asked.

“I wouldn’t know.”

“We should research that point.”

“We should”, Zetsu agreed. Now Hidan had raised the question he had started feeling curious himself. Now that he thought about it, he barely knew anything about frogs.

Hidan took a deep sigh, leaning further against Zetsu. “The sun is still out. And that though it’s gotten so late already.”

“Well, that’s summer for you. It will stay bright outside for a while still”, Zetsu said, turning his head and placing a kiss on the top of Hidan’s head. Suddenly he felt so glad it finally had grown back to the length it had used to be. Not because of any way he’d prefer it; as far as he was concerned Hidan could wear his hair however and would look good with it. But he felt glad because having shorter hair had been such a source of distress for Hidan. The thought formed in Zetsu’s mind that he would make it his aim to keep further distress away from Hidan, at least he would try.

They had both all forgotten about the frog when they saw it. It hopped on the shore of the lake, right near to the rock they were sitting on. For a moment it kept sitting still, as if it was checking its surrounding. It was small and coloured in a dark shade of brown, its colour resonating so oddly well with the sombre gloom so deeply woven into the smallest angle of this place.

Maybe the frog was looking for food. Maybe it was looking for the frog rivals that might or might not have been threatening it. Maybe it was on alert because it had sensed their presence. But from one moment to another it broke through its calm stupor, quickly hopping into the thin reed growing right further down the shore, hiding out of sight.

The next moment Hidan slouched further down, now leaning fully against Zetsu. “I think that’s the frog we always use to hear.”

“Most likely”, Zetsu agreed, wrapping his other arm around Hidan’s shoulder, deciding holding him with both arms would feel more comfortable. And they would be closer like that. Lately it felt like he couldn’t be close enough to Hidan, as if there was a looming danger some hidden power might try to separate them once again. Zetsu’s right arm was no longer feeling numb and the wound on it had healed but some critical part in his mind refused to take this for granted.

Hidan leaned into their embrace, almost compliantly letting himself get held. When he started speaking his voice sounded certain and bright, as if a lingering doubt had been chipped away from his mind. “I think the frog wanted to say hello. Bet it got curious who keeps disturbing his radio sessions.”

Something about the sentiment seemed oddly plausible. “I think you may be right with this”, Zetsu agreed, emphasizing his point by placing a lingering kiss on Hidan’s cheek, right at the corner of his mouth. It had been as good an excuse to kiss him as any.

Ending the silence around them, the frog started making noise again, hidden somewhere between the reed. They kept listening, staying until the sun started setting, intending to stay until its last ray had disappeared. The sun would rise again tomorrow, obviously, but by then they would be back down in town again, where the clouds that had arrived to stay for this week would hide it away from sight.

**The End**


End file.
